Gratitude - Day 8

Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way,

but the recurring acknowledgement

of what is working in our lives can help us

not only to survive but surmount our difficulties."

Sara Ban Breathnach

Shed Making - Part 4

Today I am especially grateful for the completion of the shed from hell. Sweetie hurt his back last go round so were at a bit of a stand still. This afternoon the weather was perfect, not too hot with a nice breeze. In other parts of the country autumn is all about falling leaves. In Jacksonville a nice breeze means falling acorns. So as Sweetie stood, drill in hand on a ladder he also had to dodge acorns, some of which were like teeny tiny missiles.

With both of us feeling good we picked up where we left off and didn't have too much trouble. Screw, washer, drill. Screw, washer, drill. Nut, washer, bolt, drill. Well, you get the picture. At the back of the shed we discovered that the whole thing is slightly out of square, which of course means that the roof is slightly out of kilter. Sweetie looked at me and I applied a tried and true Ellington-ism ... it's close enough for government work!

After lying in the dirt to take a picture, I felt something biting me on the butt. Just a small spider, my helpful checker outer proclaimed. SPIDER! Of course all I can think about now is the possibility of having a brown recluse bite on my ass. By tomorrow morning, I may not have an ass at all! Will this be a bad thing?

As we neared the end, fastening the last of the screws, I was on the ladder taking dead aim with the drill, Sweetie was holding three layers of sheet metal together. Whirr! Whirr! Whirr! Then calm as could be Sweetie says to me, "uh, could you get the screw out of my thumb?" Yikes! Then he started laughing and I called him a nasty name. Between the flesh-eating bite on my butt and a bolt through his finger I figured we were going to have to spend the rest of the afternoon in the emergency room.

But all is well. The project is complete. It it already packed full of old paint cans, and rusty drain snakes. If it were up to me I'd throw the crap away and leave the shed empty. I know however that as soon as we throw something away that will be the something that Dad hasn't seen or used in 30 years but wants, and wants now.

When I was up on the ladder I had time to think about the ladies who went to work in factories during WWII. Struggling as I did to put the nut on the end of the bolt, I figured I would not have made it as Rosie the Riveter. I have no musical talent to speak of unless I'm in the car with the windows rolled up and the radio turned up loud, then I sound quite a bit like Tina Turner. Had I chosen to join the army back then, I would not have made it in the band either. I finally decided I would have been the girl in the USO who passed out donuts, coffee and cigarettes. It was not the toughest of jobs but someone had to do it!

Another thing I find myself being grateful for is answered prayers. I don't know the details and I hate to jinx it, but it looks like Father/Brother Georges may be given a church right here in Jax. There has been some very serious talk about him leaving the country and going back to Italy. That made me sad to even think about it, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the today's rumor is true.

Lastly I'm really grateful for a bed to crawl into. I'm tired enough to go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Actually, I'm grateful for the pillow also. When I think about the people who will go to sleep tonight on the ground - no bed, no pillow, and maybe no blanket I must admit I am blessed beyond measure.

Wishing for you someone to hold your ladder, someone to joke with you, and someone to lay his/her head down on the pillow next to yours,

Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 7

"Earth's crammed into heaven

and every common bush afire with God."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Aurora Leigh

Today I'm grateful for reminder of something very important to me from a past life. Well, not actually a past life, as in re-incarnation. But in the life I lived before I moved back to my Florida home back in 1995. One of the things that helped save my life and return to me some sort of sanity was being involved in a 12-Step group. I participated in CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) and Alanon before settling into a group for family and friends of drug addicts - Naranon.

Before those meetings I had turned my back on any form of religion and had no relationship to speak of with any kind of higher power. Actually I did have a twisted, angry relationship with an old fashioned God who sat on a throne in heaven and meted out punishment to all sinners. Since I was pretty sure I was a mighty sinner, I stayed away from this almighty finger pointer unless it was to rage back at Him for deserting me.

I soon found out that 12-step programs are based on a very spiritual concept - that of a higher power. The first meeting I attended I almost through up when everyone began holding hands and saying the Lord's prayer. I would have gotten up and walked out except that I was on the opposite side of the room from the door and I was too much of a people pleaser and too afraid to call attention to myself to do so. Once I wrapped my mind and my heart around the spiritual side of the program and worked through the steps I found a place of great comfort in the meetings.

I also made some really close friends. I willingly took a leap of faith and opened myself up to a group of strangers. The surprise was that no one judged me or my poor choices. Instead they nodded their heads in full understanding ... they'd "been there done that." They cried with me, laughed with me and hugged me. I learned to speak out loud in front of a group of people. I learned to share my secrets, character defects and pain. And I was loved in return.

As I type this I remember that Saturday night was meeting night. I haven't talked to most of those people in years. But I have a few girlfriends from that group whom I should pick up the phone and call. I'm so very grateful for their friendship, I think I should tell them so and see what's going on in their lives.

I started thinking about this subject because of reading Dani's blog. Dani and I have become blog buddies. We've exchanged emails and found that we have a lot in common. Not the least of these is our love for Terri St. Cloud. Dani quoted the 11th step:

“Sought through prayer and meditation

to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him,

praying only for knowledge of His will for us

and the power to carry that out.”

and called it her personal favorite.

Prayer, meditation, conscious contact with God. These are things that can really get lost in a day that is filled with to do lists, caregiving, doing the laundry and blogging. Like Dani, I'm better at praying and asking for things then being quiet and listening for an answer.

With the news of the last couple days, I have increased my heavenly pleas for peace in this world. Who else but a power greater than all of us is going to be able to change the minds and hearts of men and women that share this planet? It will take all of us working together to make it happen. And to do that each of us might have to sit in silence and listen for "His/Her will for us."

I don't mean to sound all religious here. I have learned/am learning what works for me. While I don't know what will work for you, I feel pretty sure that each of us is created with a Divine spark and our souls are continuously looking for an opportunity to be reconnected. Wherever that is for you I encourage you to go there and listen for the small still voice that will guide you to a place of peace.

And we all said "Amen"!

Before I close this post I have to say I am also grateful for the sweet, buttery taste of avocados mixed with just the right amount of tomato an onion to make a delicious bowl of guacamole, and piping hot tortilla chips fresh from hot grease for dipping. Sweetie and I tried a Mexican food restaurant for lunch and I have to say I'm still pleasantly stuffed. Ole!

Wishing for you some time of peaceful silence and a yummalicious snack,

Merry Me

[Photo: This picture is from an email entitled God's paintbrush.]

Gratitude - Day 6

"Your friends and family will know

you really took some extra time

out of your day to think about them

and will feel special and appreciated."

Today I'm grateful for my blog friend Sorrow. I love going to her blog and seeing what she's made, or reading what's in her heart. Like most of the other bloggers I've come to know on a more personal level, Sorrow is the kind of person I strive to be ... artistic, kind, passionate, knowing, smart, funny, and yes, I'll say it, sensitive!

After exchanging blog comments, we moved to email. Then like a breath of fresh Spring air blowing through the window after a long cold winter, Sorrow asked for my address saying she enjoyed sending snail mail. Pitter patter went my heart. I knew I'd found a kindred spirit - or she found me.

In a world with way too many forms of instant communication for my taste, I am thrilled to discover the mailman has dropped a postcard through the slot in the front door. Sorrow has reminded me how delightful it can be to send and receive postcards. In fact I'm tempted to go rooting through one of the closets to find the box of postcards I've saved over the years.

When my then husband would go on cruise he was a loyal and dedicated postcard sender. The kids were small and enjoyed getting mail from Daddy. It soon became a family tradition that continues when any of us are on vacation. Sorrow sends postcards on any occasion. How cool is that?

Yesterday I got this card which is right in line with my gratitude theme so I share it with you.

Today I'm also feeling grateful for the discovery of a delicious new sandwich. A place called the MidTown Diner has become one of our regular Friday lunch spots. The menu sandwich and salad menu is pretty varied, and most of the food is prepared on the spot. Thinking it sounded kind of homey I ordered a Sloppy Pot Roast. It kind of implies something covered tomato sauce, onions and peppers but in reality was nothing more than slow-cooked pot roast slathered in gravy and slapped on a fresh and crispy hoagie roll. Oh my goodness, it was heaven on a bun.

I'm pleased to tell you I had no trouble finding things to be grateful for today. This is a good thing.

Wishing for you a short, sweet surprise in your mailbox, and a yummy sandwich on which to dine,

Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 5 Addendum

I took myself out for a walk. My hip screamed at the idea of walking very far, but I did it anyway. I had barely stepped out of the garage when I was hit by the sweet smell of freshly mown grass. I wrote on my hand - better than a post-it note because it doesn't fall off - I'm grateful for grass.

Living in Florida, I take grass for granted. Even in the winter it stays a pretty shade of green. It is sometimes covered by frost, but never lost under layers of snow and sludge. I love green.

I have never forgotten something a friend in high school said that seemed a little corny at the time but quite profound now. She said she wished someone would make a candle that smelled like mowed grass. Mmmm. It's a nice, clean, earthy smell. It's a feel good smell.

Somewhere in Africa, Kenya I believe, maybe the Sudan, maybe both, there is a drought going on. No water means no farming, no grass, no food for animals, and, obviously, no drinking water. It's grim.

So as we come to the end of a day that has been filled with tragedy across the country and very close to home, I am zeroing in on the little things. Before I go to sleep tonight I will pray for peaceful hearts and homes. And I will say thank you for the green grass that grows on both sides of the proverbial fence.

My you be comforted tonight by something green,
Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 5

"I thank You God for most this amazing day;

for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;

and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes."
e.e. cummings

To be honest I'm finding it hard to be in a place of gratitude today. After many tears and deep sighs of relief, after too many prayers to count and two sonograms that said the baby was doing fine, Sweetie's daughter-in-law had another miscarriage. There are no words to say how painful this is. Perhaps if you've experienced it, you have some idea. I'm an outsider looking in on a family that barely gets back on its feet when another blow knocks them down. It is incredibly hard to watch.

Understandably these kids go underground to grieve their losses in private. Sweetie, on the other hand, will find some comfort in pretzels, chips and salsa. He told me this morning that it is no longer acceptable to "do nothing." Yet there is really nothing any of us can do to mend this couple except to be there when they are ready. I believe Sweetie's son knows that. Like watching that couple earlier this week mourn their son, I wanted to do something to help them feel better, to make me feel better. When life hurts one, it hurts us all.

My plan this morning was to get up and clean the house. I got as far as throwing open the windows for some fresh air and running the vacuum before my motivation ran out.

So where does gratitude fit into this day? As I was cleaning the kitchen floor I had thought about those pilgrims who participated in the first Thanksgiving. Somehow, after all the hardships they'd been through, they decided to give thanks for a good harvest instead of mourn their many losses. Where did that strength and faith come from?

I have some Pilgrim blood in my veins. I am determined to feel thankful for something today.
I've decided to take a walk around the block. I'm going to look for beauty and blessings in my midst. I am listening to John Denver as I write this and I must say, just hearing that man sing about sunshine makes me weep with a full heart.

I hope you are grateful today for the things in your life that you might take for granted. And if you have any gratitude left over, share it with those who cannot see it for themselves. We all get to a place when we can use a helping hand. If you reach out today, I know someone will do the same for you tomorrow.

Resting in the knowledge that even though we may not see it, the Divine Architect has a blueprint for each of our lives. But still feeling sad,
Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 4

At times when our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude
of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Albert Schweitzer

I got to spend time with my writing group today. In the company of women I not only enjoy but learn from, it's like going to school and having fun at the same time ... not to mention the almondy Bear Claw pastry and good iced tea. We celebrated with of the ladies who recently had a story published in the local newspaper. We did a rather raucus "Woohoo" which was out of character for the prim and proper group! Ha!

I am really grateful to these ladies for their inspiration, friendship and generosity. As my ex-husband used to tell me on many an occasion I'm not very accepting of "corrective" criticism. (Who is?) Knowing critiques are part of the writing/rewriting experience, I was a little nervous about my ability to take constructive comments about the things I write. I must say each of these ladies knows how to say, "this could be better" in a very gentle way.

Today was no exception. I'd written a short and long version of a story. The group gave me good reviews on both. I knew I'd done good when our facilitator told me she'd called her writing friend in Atlanta and read her my story.

Toot! Toot! goes my own horn! Now I have to do some tweaking and start looking around for a place to publish it. Except for this blog and the group, I'm not much good at putting my stuff out there for all the world to see. In the privacy of my own little world, I imagine myself sitting on the stage with Oprah in her big ol' comfy chairs. But even my dreamer personality knows that ain't gonna happen. However, I'm coming to the edge of the cliff where I have to take a leap of faith. If I want to be known as a writer, I can't keep my stuff under a basket. Perhaps the first rejection letter will send me back into the closet, but there's always the off chance that it will inspire me to be better. We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

I'm also grateful today for a happy ending to an almost tragic event that transpired at the Emergency Room last night. I won't go into the details because it's not my story to tell. For now all is well. The Divine Creator in the sky is in charge and I will bow down to His/Her plan that has to be far greater than we can imagine.

What about you? Have you opened yourself up to new possibilities? To the idea of trusting others with your personal dream/wishes? I hope if you do, you'll feel the gratitude that comes with the freedom.
Blessings,
Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 3

[Note: You've heard it before, but I think it bears repeating...]

"We'd all live in a quiet house

Without Big Bird or Mickey Mouse

And Kool Aid on the couch

Thank God for KIDS."

The Oakridge Boys

Today I am grateful for family visitors. It was good, I think, for my father to spend quality time with one of his girls he doesn't see too often. It was also good that #2 daughter brought her daughter and granddaughter with her. For visitors and visitees I believe it was a win/win situation. There is no doubt about it. A two-year old will add some spice to your life. It was enlightening, to say the least, to the person who has been seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I hate to admit it, but maybe my child rearing days are over. Even if my spirit is still willing, I'm not sure my body could keep up!

I'm also grateful to have my Boy Puss home. I stopped by the Vet to say hello and was invited to sit outside the penthouse suite of cat cages. The cat recognized my voice. He seemed happy to see me. He came over to sniff the finger I tentatively reached into the cage. No bad reaction, even though there was a dark blanket hanging on the door, giving the cat the illusion that he was safe in some cave!

The only time this cat has been much of a cuddler was when, I've now learned, his red blood cell level was increased and he basically felt like hell. Still, there he was on the inside, and I was on the outside. I opened the door, stuck my hand in and cooed to the pathetic looking cat. He inched towards me as if to get a little head rub, then fast as a cobra strike he sunk his teeth into my pinky finger. Yowzer! Who knew a sick cat could move that fast.

The Vet and her sidekick, Julie, aka the Cat Whisperer told me I could take this beast home. They tried to assure me that a cat's screech is just it's way of saying "get back" not "I'm going to claw your eyes out." I'm not sure I believed them, but I watched Julie manage the cat and retain all her fingers.

Once home, Scaredy Cat was much less stressed. He hasn't tried to bite me once. He's let me pet him without howling. He's taken a nap butt to butt with my Dad. His sister doesn't seem to glad to have him home. That might be because she was queen of the castle during his absence. Or it could be that he smells rather medicinal and veterinary-ish. The dog and cat have had the official smell-off. With the exception of a few shaved spots and a paw swollen to twice its normal size I believe this cat is doing okay. I haven't explained to him yet what he's got to look forward to. How do you tell a cat that having a needle stuck in his leg to have blood removed once a month is a good thing. I think I'll start by reminding him of the how good he felt after the Valium kicked in!

I'm sitting alone in the den as I write this post. The TV news is on, but muted. The room is quiet. I feel grateful for the peace of the moment. I think I'll soak it in for a few more minutes before I start rattling the pots and pans for dinner.

Three days into it, this gratitude thing is feeling pretty good. How about you? What are you grateful for today?

Merry ME