Gratitude - Day 27

"Everyday, think as you wake up:

Today I am fortunate to have woken up.

I am alive.

I have a precious human life.

I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use all my energies to develop myself

to expand my heart out to others for the benefit of all beings."

His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama

This has been a very quiet day that I've used for re-writing a story I first penned right after my mother passed away. Today, I'm grateful for the gift of story-telling and hope to get better and better. It would be nice, too, if I could get faster!



Like most things, when I get caught up something, everything else gets put on the back burner. I look around the room where I've been sitting and it's clear the only way it's going to get picked up is for me to put this computer in a closet, lock it up, and give the key to Sweetie til it can pass inspection. Of course I will do nothing that drastic, but I could at least clear off the couch so that there is room for someone else to join me without impaling themselves on the telephone. I'm grateful I'm not held to a stricter code of cleanliness.



I'm also grateful that my sister sent us home with enough leftover turkey and ham for some delicious sandwiches this afternoon. I don't usually get too excited about leftovers, but turkey I think is as good the 2nd day as it was the first.



Most days I bemoan the fact that I don't have a magic pot of money from which to draw. At the end of the month my checkbook is pretty well emptied out. For this, on Black Friday, I am grateful. Since I am easily persuaded to do things that are not always in my best interest, I'm grateful I have not succumbed to the television ads and the stack of newspaper circulars drawing attention to gigantic money-saving sales where I would spend money I don't have. I'm pretty sure there is not anything I want badly enough to wrap myself up in blankets and sleep on the sidewalk outside a store until the doors open and people rush in. But I always feel like I might be missing something. Tonight, the news shows will be full of stories about the shopping madness and I'll be grateful I stayed home. That said, I might sneak out after dinner to pick up one or two items just to say I helped out the economy!


Wishing for you good food in your tummy, warm socks on your feet, and $$$ in your wallet,
Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 26

Photo: Father/Brother George, Russ, my sister, Judy

"Forever on Thanksgiving Day

the heart will find the pathway home."

Wilbur D. Nesbit

As Thanksgivings go, this one was different. Not bad different, but a little off. Probably because I had nothing to do. I baked pies yesterday and that was my contribution. Over at my sister's house they were busy all day. Like most Thanksgivings since the Pilgrims sat around the open campfire, there was a bounty of food to be grateful for. And like most Thanksgiving everyone over-indulged. But oh, it was all so very good.

Since I wasn't cooking I gave myself holiday hours at home. I got up long enough to feed my father his breakfast then mosied on back to bed. I felt a little guilty, but couldn't find the energy to do much about it. After noon, I pulled myself up and attacked the pile of ironing I'd put off for too long. Sweetie and I watched another Sandra Bullock movie and had a few good laughs before it went all haywire. I cleaned the disc, cussed the machine and gave it a good whack for good measure, and the move started back up. I'm grateful for the sound of my love's laughter.

My sister's house was as full of people as it was of food. My dad didn't waste any time handing out presents. He's been in the "what do you want after I die, well take it now" mode lately. I find it really hard to be around him when he gets like that. I want to scream at him, I want you now, not your stuff later, but that's not going to happen unless I totally lose my cool. I continue to pray for my lip to stay zipped.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, my Dad pulled his newest 9mm something or other out of his walker bag and showed it to my nephew. As if by magic every man in the house (except Sweetie who stayed back and shook his head) drew near to give this special gun the once over. It was promised to Adam, but he can't have it til Dad has gone to the big shooting range in the sky.

Next he calls Daniel over. Daniel was given (to keep now) a rather large and scary looking hunting knife and it's matching whet stone. Again the testosterone in the room surged. I didn't hear one of the girls in the room say ooh or ahh!

I sat off from the crowd and wondered if I was in a movie. Could this really be happening? On this day set aside for giving thanks, my father is handing our instruments of destruction, as casually as he drank his glass of wine. Weird. I swear it was just weird!

I've wondered for a few days now why my father seems so mad at me. He says things that verge on the rude side, if not out and out mean. What have I done I ask myself over and over. Tonight I had a thought - maybe he's mad at me because I seem always to be mad at him. And that I cant deny. Well, always may be extreme, but I bet steam comes out of my ears on a regular basis. Which came first the chicken or the egg? His anger or mine?

All of it makes me sad. And like I told Sweetie this morning, it's not that I am NOT grateful but I've having trouble FEELING grateful. I know I am surrounded by more blessings than I can count. Still I feel kind of sad. Is this grief? Stubbornness? Selfishness?

Deep questions that only a piece of pumpkin cheese cake can help answer.

On this night, when there is so much to be thankful for, especially the fact that even though he is a bit cranky my dad is still alive and king of his castle, I wish for you the knowledge of all that is good in your life topped with a big dollop of whipped cream.

May your hearts be full of love, and joy and peace,

Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 25

"Sully and I both believe that gratitude is a two-way street

and we do our best to give back the outpouring

of support and gratitude we have been so fortunate to receive.
Lorrie Sullenberter

(wife of US Air Flt. #1549 pilot, Sully Sullenberger)*

Today I'm grateful for rain. It's been dreary and overcast for two days. Today if finally rained. Not a gully-washer but enough to have to use the windshield wipers.

I'm also grateful for canned pumpkin, an apple-peeling Sweetie, and an oven that I don't have to tend by throwing logs on the fire. Looking at the mess I made after making 3 pies and 4 loaves of pumpkin bread, I think I am also pretty thankful for an automated dishwasher. I'm not a clean as you go kind of cook. When I've finished a big baking project the kitchen pretty much looks like a flour bomb exploded in the middle of the room.

I'm grateful I am not cooking Thanksgiving dinner. That job is going to my sister this year. All I have to do is show up with a pie and smile! The pie is made so I've got plenty of time to work on the smile!

On another note, I have a confession to make. After that post yesterday about mom jeans and comfort and Tim Gunn being a nunu- head, I pulled out my oldest pair of jean today and took my dad to the doctor, not thinking, or caring how I looked. The zipper worked, the denim was well faded, thus soft and there was room for my thighs to stretch out. Comfort was the name of the game.

Sitting in the waiting room I took note of the stains all up and down one leg. Then while sitting at a red light, I realized I could pull up a whole handful of denim at my thighs and still have room for the comfort I was declaring. Hmmm???? Had I gone beyond the comfort stage to the dowdy, what-was-she-thinking stage. I felt almost compelled to step into the 3-way mirror and fuss at myself.

Alas, I think Gunn and Oprah might be on to something. Comfort doesn't have to mean sloppy. Not that there is anything wrong with sloppy, but it's more of an indoor look, don't you think?

To my dear Firebyrd: Girlfriend, if I could afford cashmere sweaters I'd trade in all my comfy old sweatshirts. Alas, that isn't going to happen. But I'm glad you can step out in style.

Tonight I wish for you a kitchen that smells like cinnamon and ginger and a pie to share with someone you love,
Merry ME


* "Forever Grateful", Woman's Day, November 17, 2009, pg. 44

Gratitude - Day 24

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments

when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."
Thornton Wilder

Dad is a creature of habit. As soon as he is finished with his nightly ablutions, he hops into bed and turns on the TV. He turns into channel 3 and leaves it there waiting for the news whether he is awake or asleep. Sometime during this hour I tuck him in, put drops in eyes, and make sure he has water and pills for the night. All that done, I've started holding his hand for a few minutes and watch some TV with him.



The CBS nightly line-up changed recently. Now instead of listening to Dr. Phil rail at people, and, in my opinion, exploit them for his own gain, we watch Oprah. I have mixed feelings about Oprah. But I like her 100% more than Dr. Phil. Last week her guest was Tim Gunn, fashion guru although I'm not sure why. The show was all about making over men who, in the opinion of their loved ones, needed help with wardrobe and de-hairing.



Gunn lamented, and Oprah agreed, that Americans seem to dress for comfort. This is apparently an absolute fashion no-no. One subject in question was "mom" jeans, or in this case, "dad" jeans - a la President Obama. Forget that a pair of well-worn jeans is comfortable, according to Gunn it is cause for the fashion police to lock you in your room til you come to your senses. How, I ask, does Tim Gunn know this? I am sure he would never be caught dead in a pair of jeans. Even the straight legged, dark blue, no sags, jeans that he was touting.



What is wrong with comfort? I'm at a point in my life where comfort is not a dirty word. I see women wearing pointy toed, 4+inch heels and I wonder how they even stand up, much less walk. I have traded most of my dress shoes for brightly colored Birkenstock sandals. I'd also rather wear a soft cotton brassiere than something that strangles my boobs and makes them look two-sizes bigger. If both my feet and my breasts were wrapped up so tight, I'd be one very unhappy girl.



You can probably imagine that I am a "mom-jeans" wearer. I looked at a pair of my old standby jeans this morning and tried to judge my appearance the same way as Stacy and Clinton of What Not to Wear. No doubt if I stood in that 3-way mirrored booth wearing my jeans, a sweatshirt, and my Birki's I'd be chastised til the cows come home. Strangely as that thought passed through my brain, another took its place. My favorite pair of jeans has probably seen as much history as a dining room table where families gather for dinner and holiday festivities. How is it that Gunn and other fashion dictators do not take things like this into account?


I'm all about letting others do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. If women want to wear tight shoes, tight bras, or tight jeans so be it. But I'll go for comfort every time. Today I'm grateful for jeans with room to breathe. The perfect pair of pants to wear when sitting down at the Thanksgiving table!

Wishing for you the comfort of your favorite things,
Merry ME

Gratitude - Day 23

"Happiness is the spiritual experience of living

every minute with love, grace and gratitude."

Denis Waitley

Most of my readers will remember that Christmas before last I came across a small book that made me laugh out loud. Before the shopping season was over I'd bought around 30 Pig of Happiness books and given them to everyone I know plus a few I don't. The pictures crack me up; mostly the simple story goes right to the heart of peace and joy. It doesn't have to be the holiday season to heed this message, but it is a good time for the reminder.

So imagine my surprise and excitement to find the PoH author, Edward Monkton, now has a web site. Checking it out this afternoon made my heart open up like a tulip on a sunny spring day. It made me laugh all over again. So it's no surprise that finding this fun little site is on the top of today's gratitude list. See the post below, and be prepared to smile.

On a much different note, I am also grateful to be able to say that even though I don't see my kids very often, they are alive and well. They are responsible, kind, funny, enterprising adults who make me proud. Today I held a man in my arms who lost his son earlier this month. His pain was palpable. He says his wife is even worse, filled with guilt for not doing something more or different. It must be a universal mother's instinct to feel guilty when her child, even a grown child, hurts. An aorta aneurysm, however, is way more powerful than even a mother's love. I pray the day will soon come when she can accept the truth of that.

I've experienced a lot of loss, sadness and grief in my life. In the words of Churchill, I know that the only way through hell is to keep going. I know that the passing of time will somehow relieve some of their pain. I also know that you can't say that to someone who is grieving (though some people do). All you can do is put your arms around him and let him cry. I'm grateful I was able to do that.

And one more thing.

Please read Sweetie's comment on my previous post. We discussed it last night. For me, the jury is still out. As a GAL he's seen a lot more of the "real" world than I have. I can understand what he says about his kids not even knowing what gratitude is, much less feeling it.

However, I like that Eisenstein says "[gratitude] informs our deepest spiritual intuitions." Maybe it's my Pollyanna nature, but I want to believe that each of us has the potential for heartfelt gratitude. It is part of our divine spark, born in our cellular makeup. What do you think?

Wishing for you a day of happiness and gratitude,

Merry ME

The Pig of Happiness

Gratitude - Day 22

"Evermore thanks."

Shakespeare

Today my gratitude is centered on the fact that I did NOT lose my debit card.

I don't know how ladies carry tiny little handbags and still know where everything is inside it. Perhaps the point of having a small purse is so you don't have to carry everything except the kitchen sink with you from place to place. I seem to need the comfort of a crammed full purse.

I've tried purses that are made with all kinds of pockets and slots for organizing purposes. My problem is not being organized in the first place, it is staying that way. Back in March I spent my dad's birthday money on a Vera Bradley bag, with a matching wallet and credit card case. I have pockets around the edge for pens, and keys, and phone, and notebooks. The wallets are neatly arranged and I've learned what goes in each one.

The problem occurs when, after using a card, I fail to put it back in its appointed slot. I often just slip it into one of the pockets along with receipts, loose change and stray pieces of paper. About once every couple of weeks, I have to go to the very edge of panic before I sit down and replace each item in its appointed place. I'm sure it doesn't sound like it, but I'm much improved!

As I was running around this afternoon, Sweetie kept his usual cool. He seemed to think I would work it all out on my own. And I did! Ta da!

More on the subject of gratitude.

I found an interesting article in the November/December issue of Spirituality& Health that Sweetie bought yesterday during our after movie excusion to Barnes & Noble. According to the author, Steve Lawler, "the most common tool for tough times is a personal version of the phrase 'I count my blessings' or 'shift into gratitude.' The great spiritual traditions all teach the value of gratitude. "*

Lawler quotes philosopher, Charles Eisenstein:

"We are born helpless infants, creatures of pure need with little resource to give, yet we are fed, we are protected, we are clothed and held and soothed, without having done anything to deserve it, without offering anything in exchange. This experience, common to everyone who has made it past childhood, informs our deepest spiritual intuitions. Our default state is gratitude: it is the truth of our existence."

Tonight I wish for you a place for everything and everything in its place.

Merry ME

* Shift into Gratitude - 17 Tools for Our Times, by Steve Lawler, Spirituality & Health, November-December 2009, pg. 49