Random Thoughts

Today was "recital" day. My friend Mary says recital are for little girls. But I don't know what else to call my writing group's  end of the year gala. I guess gala would work! 2 days ago I didn't think I was going to make it.  I'd written and rewritten my story and just couldn't get it right. Not to mention short enough to fit into a 5 minute time frame.  Yesterday, I woke up with an idea made it work. Then I had to read it and read it and read it - changing a word here and a phrase there right up til 5 minutes before I left this morning. My smart daughter gave me a pep talk last night. Don't be a Rigid Reggie, she said.  My new mantra! Once at the venue, I got a little crazed, not about the story, but about the seating arrangements. Talk about transference. All my anxiety became irritability when it became clear there were not enough seats. And for some reason people were asking me what to do. Carol kept telling me everything would be okay. A...

Today I noticed how anxious I get when I don't have a handle on what I'm going to read/say in public. I noticed when I'm anxious my first reaction is to buy something, then cry. Or maybe it's the other way around. I've told this story (for my recital) a kazillion times, in a kazillion ways, wondering why it's not so problematic.  It's supposed to be funny (tho I don't recall the original happening funny).  Right now it's got some funny parts, mostly it's pitiful. Where or where is my inner Erma Bombeck? What do you do when you get anxious? Merry ME

Today I noticed things about the rehab place where Mary has been a patient for 2 weeks. For a few minutes I considered calling the local TV guy you call when you have a problem - like if you call a plumber and he floods your kitchen, then skips town with your $$$ and leaves you up to your ankles in water. I just didn't have a good feeling about anything. Mostly I was concerned that Mary wasn't getting the care she needed with bathroom issues. And then I learned she's had sponge baths but no shower since she's been in the place. Oh I know there's no way she could stand in a shower, but now that they can get her out of bed, surely there is a way to wheel patients into the shower.  And if ever there was a day she needed a shower, it was today.  If they'd let me, I'd give do it. But just when I was about to lose my cool, this tired, stressed, but still trying to keep it together CNA came in to clean Mary up. Oh god, what if that was your job day in and day o...

Today I noticed that I didn't have that stabbing pain in my chest when I went to visit the cemetery.  I noticed the blue the sky, the white and puffy the clouds, and the soft, yet scratchy the grass. Any other place it would have been perfect for a picnic.  I also noticed the people. There are the standers, the kneelers, and the sitters.  I'm a sitter.  I noticed two men, like me, who might have been remembering a buddy. And an older man, head bowed, who might have been spending time with a partner that died before he did.   Sweetie and I watched the PBS Memorial Day special last night. At one point I wondered why we tortured ourselves with the sadness of it all. The pictures, the letters, the music. I told myself I watched out of respect and gratitude. A small sacrifice of time and tears. I noticed, as the camera panned the audience, how old men, who were probably just boys when they learned how to be soldiers, or sailors, or Marines, could ...

I was in the far right lane, stopped in a  line of traffic. Couldn't help but notice when I looked at the truck next to me that there was a smiley face on the window. Not an ordinary smiley face. In fact I wonder if it was meant to be that at all. You know how when your dog sits in the passenger seat and sticks it's nose on the window for a closer look outside and it leaves little round smudges.  Well, right in the middle of those smudges was the smiley face - two circle (smudges) eyes and a line mouth.  I really don't think a dog could make a smiley face so maybe it wasn't nose prints at all, but little kid pb&j fingers. Anyway, it caught my eye and made me smile. I meant to say this yesterday but got carried away writing the world's longest run-on sentence. I've noticed how much I love comments on my blog. Thanks to all you faithful followers and commenters. And thanks to the peepers who come visit. I hope you like what you read and will come b...

Today on the way to work, I noticed a billboard that said: Congratulations Steve for becoming a U.S. citizen today. Steve's citizenship is reminder to me that even with all the negative stories we hear on the news; an economy that still kind of sucks even if the numbers say different; too many people and not enough houses, or schools, or jobs to go around; acts of nature; acts of terrorism; and way too much attention (my opinion) paid to Lindsey Lohan and Kim Kardashian when the real celebrities are the people who respond first in a major catastrophe and the ones who stand on the front line of defense; and the ones who lead their students into a bathroom or closet so they can be safe; and moms and dads who do their best even if their best isn't always that great; and the teenagers who see really scary stuff every single day; and people who rescue abandoned dogs and cats and oil-covered sea birds and seal pups and beached whales;  and daycare workers and nursing home work...

Today two different noticing s have really caught my attention. Right now I can't see a connection. Maybe more will be revealed as I go through the day. First, everywhere I've turned today I've heard the phrase, "tell your story" in some form or another. I really feel this has become my new mantra. Well, not new, exactly, but up there in the front of my consciousness. Terri wrote about Story Corps on her blog. Alana's interviews are basically about people sharing their grief/loss stories. And I saw a video about a B-29 flyover at the funeral of a WWII navigator. How his time in the military had played such an important roll in his life, and that of his children, grands and great-grands. It reminded me of a man from church who passed away last month. I'd known him for several years, though not really known him at all til I looked at pictures of his life a couple weeks before he passed away.  He too had been a pilot in WWII. Most of the people I know lik...