Random Thoughts

Yesterday was the 3rd end of the year recital for my writing group -  Chat Noir Writers Circle. There is much to be said about celebrating one's growth and accomplishments. The first year our leader told us we needed to learn to be storyTELLERS as well as storyWRITERS more than a few us vocally rebelled.  I may have been considered one of the ring leaders. Then, as now, I understood the theory behind the whole show thing. Learning to address and make contact with an audience is a confidence booster. Its also a good marketing tool - for our authorship as well as our manuscripts. But I still wanted no part of it. I may have said it before on this blog, so forgive me if I'm being redundant. After my 6th grade valedictory speech, when I thought I was as close to being my all time best as I could ever possibly be, I was put back in my place by my father's cutting words. 50 years later I'm pretty sure he was not overtly trying to hurt me, but most of his words cut like Wi...

Do you believe in serendipity? I have been writing some stories about when I met my Sweetie and how things turned kind of upside down between me and my Dad. My group encouraged me to keep going on the theme 0f "MY" growth instead of focusing all on caregiving, death, grief, etc. Which is where I thought if there was a book in me, that would be the subject. It hasn't been easy. It's taken 4 weeks and 5 "chapters" to even get to the end of our first date. Perhaps Love and War could be a good title. Anyway I've been stumped now that I'm at the point of story where Sweetie kisses me goodbye and I have to walk in the back door and meet Dad's anger head on. I think the stuckness comes from the same feelings tucked away in a hidey hole under my ribs. The story is hard to write from my perspective and not make Dad sound like the Big Bad Wolf. Which of course he was on occasion, but so was I. Anyway, I decided today to clean out the guest room closets ...

"Just as a hand becomes calloused to toughen sensitive skin, so does a human doing become insensitive to “feeling” the emotions of those around him." http://interveninc.com/ I woke up this morning thinking maybe I've got things backwards. Perhaps I've been putting too much pressure on myself to "do" something - something that produces not only success but identity. Maybe I should stop trying to define myself and just "be" myself; be rather than do. Hmmmm?????? Instead of saying "I'm a lover," I can say "I love." Rather than define myself as a giver, I can simply give. And instead of worrying about whether or not "I'm a writer" I can just I write. Somedays I write more than others, but writing is what I do not what I am. Wow! By simply switching a couple of words around, I feel like there is less pressure to perform... and perform well, of course. Seems like as long as I can remember I've tried to be what so...