Random Thoughts

I swear, will these blasted (as in blasted from the fires of hell) hot flashes ever go away? I'm 60 years old for goodness sake. I take all kinds of supplements to keep my pipes and organs running smoothly. Seriously, I know my body is low on estrogen. But do I need to be reminded about 50 times a day? Weneki told me a few weeks ago that she needed me to tell her all about the wonders of (peri)menopause so she'll be clued in as to what to expect. A little bit of drama runs in our family so she doesn't want to have a hot flash sneak up on her when she's not expecting it and take herself to the ER thinking she has a fever with no other symptoms which could possibly be the onset of a very dread disease. I hate to tell her the first lesson she needs to learn is they always seem to come when you are not expecting them. I mean if you could expect them, and prepare for them, you would know to strip down to your underwear before they attacked. I did mention drama, didn't...

“Family caregivers are faced with the question of when and how to let go.” (315) This is when the caregiver must learn to walk the crooked line between letting go of the care-ee and nurturing her/his own spirit. Not easily done. I feel like I’m standing on the end of a high dive overlooking an olympic sized pool that is my future. I have two choices. One is to take the plunge off without thinking about it to help my father. The other is to slowly and deliberately back down the stairs, don some water wings and step into the shallow end to care for myself. I can’t help but wonder what might happen if the choices were reversed? Could I jump to save myself and proceed with caution to see to my father’s dying needs? I know what I should do, but lack the energy to do it. The irony is that I’ve been so busy looking after others that I’ve abandoned me, and I’m no longer sure where to look to find me. It’s when you’re feeling lost like this that Sheehy says “it’s time to save yourself.” (3...

Except for a few pages aimed directly at dealing with Alzheimers disease, which does not apply to me, I gulped down Passages like a glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day. When I got to the last chapters I realized, with a sigh of relief, I am not crazy, just burned out. I’ve been about the business of caregiving for most of my life, so you’d think I would have recognized the symptoms. The fact that I considered, even for a moment, that “burn out” was better than “crazy” is a pretty good sign that I needed the wake-up call Passages provided. Passages also drew a picture of my caregiving style. Without knowing it, I’ve bypassed Super-hero status and moved right on to God. According to Sheehy “Playing God” is a common trait in caregivers. It is no surprise that people with a “strong sense of compassion” (267) are more likely to jump into the caregiving boxing ring. Because we are not God, by the time we get to round 5 or 6 or 7 we’ve almost succeeded in knocking ourselves t...

cPlease consider the following a Public Service Announcement. Because it is long I'm going to chop it up into bite-sized pieces. As you'll be able to tell I really believe that reading this book is something people of my age group should do. Merry ME Most of you already know my story, but here's a little background. It might explain why I'm so drawn to the topic of caregiving. I started having children when I was 19. At the ripe old age of 48, my empty nest felt lonely. I could have taken up a strenuous hobby like running marathons or climbing mountains on each of the world’s continents. Instead, I responded to a request by my father to move back home to help care for my mother who had some after-stroke disabilities. Fifteen years later I’m still at it. It’s a sure bet that mountain climbing would have been the easier choice. Two months after mother’s death, I got a foretaste of what it would be like to care for my father. He had his hip replaced for the third time. W...