Random Thoughts

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." Winnie the Pooh Six days and counting until Sweetie and I head out for adventure. With very little to go on, we are growing more and more excited about this giant step outside our comfort zone. For me, it's not just about being going somewhere new or around people I don't know, which has always given me pause. No, I'm beginning to realize that this is a beginning step in moving away from the life that I've know for 15 years. It's a start to shedding some of my grief, and putting my toes in the deep end of new experiences. I'm both anticipating and worrying about the whole trip. I've always been an anxious traveler. You know how Santa has to check his list more than once. Well that's how I am with my ticket and boarding pass. I'm a mess until the plane's wheels are tucked safely under its belly and we are climbing skywa...

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally A couple of weeks ago I attended a bridal shower for a young girl who had grown up in the years since she lived across the street. The room was full of 20-something bridesmaids in different stages of just dating, early love, engaged. and married. There were also mothers with new babies and grandmothers. There was an air of excitement in the room. A table was laden with gifts to start a home. Recipes were exchanged and wishes made for a long and happy life. I stood at the edge of the circle watching the bride-to-be, listening to the hopes and dreams of young women. I left trying to recall that feeling. The idea of two kids oohing over a vacuum cleaner and declaring undying love just seemed too idealistic. Are they still going to smile at each other when the vacuum cleaner needs pushing around the living room,...

Okay, I know I'm a great-grandma. I know I'm a little bit prejudiced. But don't you agree that this is about as sweet as it comes? Be still my heart. Sleep tight, Little Gracie. May bands of angels watch over you. Today I'm grateful for babies and soft little nightgowns. May your world be so blessed, Merry ME

Photo: squidoo.com "Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for. Lawrence Block A few months ago I had a psychic reading by Dani's friend, Brett Arras*. Since I was still in the throes of some pretty heavy grief, I'm surprised he could sense anything about me other than extreme sadness. But he did and offered me a peek at a few things that could come into my life later in the year. A spiritual awakening was one of them. When talking to my therapist the subject of spirituality came up again. At the same time I began reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw. In it he says "children are naturally spiritual. (pg. 38) Spirituality involves what is deepest and most authentic in us - our true self. When we are spiritual we are in contact with our unique-ness and specialness. Spirituality also involves a sense of connection and grounding in something greater ...

"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken." Fydor Dostoevsky A few weeks ago I made mention of the fact that I preach the stranger danger rule to most anyone who will listen. Don't talk to strangers I tell my daughter when she tells me she's setting out for some new adventure. Don't talk to strangers I tell my sister, or my son, or my Sweetie. There are boogie men out there and I want the ones I love to be aware of them. Ever since I wrote that post, I've become aware that as my Sweetie says, I really don't know a stranger. I seem to feel it's okay to talk to old people and babies and little kids who have been warned not to talk to strangers so we're both breaking the rules. I guess if you smile at someone in the grocery store and they smile back then there's a good chance they aren't serial killers. Although, if I was a se...

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down." Lily Tomlin Looks like it's been a while since I last wrote here. And if you asked me what I'd done in the interim I'm not sure I could tell you. Well, maybe that's not exactly true. My muscles, my sciatica and my arthritic thumb could tell you I did something I rarely do. I worked in the yard. My dad had a lily bed out front that was in desperate need of thinning out. I'm not sure how I new that, except that it looked crowded and tight. Plus there were two seemingly immaculately conceived maple trees smack in the middle of all the lilies. To get to them, I had to dig up lilies. And one can't just dig up one lily. One leads to two and two leads to four. And four often leads to whole lily families in one bulb. It was hard work. I broke a shovel and Sweetie broke a rake. FYI: If you are digging something that is apparently bigger than what you think it is and you lean on the shovel handle with all your might t...

"... then sigh not so, but let them go be you blithe and bonnie converting all your sounds of woe into hey nonny nonny." Shakespeare I've noticed lately that I seem to sigh a lot. Not ho hum kind of sighs, but deep-breath-in-woe-is-me sighs. I wonder if it's because I'm not breathing deeply enough so I have to fill my lungs to the top every once in awhile. Or maybe it's like sleep apnea (which I've been accused of having, thus turning me into a chain saw-sounding snorer) that I have to gasp for a gulp of air before I fall of my chair. Really, I find it weird and a little disconcerting especially now that I'm aware of it. Silly me, it never occurred to me that it could be just one more symptom of grief. In his discussion of repressed emotions and defense mechanisms (pg. 70) John Bradshaw says that body therapists have been able to describe the way some of these work. "Emotions, for example, can be numbed by tensing muscles. People often grind thei...