Random Thoughts

Post Surgery 12:30 AM Dad: Mary, I'm all wet. Mary: Hmmmm. Dad: Call the doctor. Mary: It's after midnight. He's asleep. Dad: Let's go to the Emergency Room. Mary (out loud):Hmmmmmmm Mary (in her head): Oh, my God, I can't face the emergency room tonight. Dad: I'm wet. It burns. Mary (in her head, sounding like Prissy from Gone with the wind): I don't know nothing about leaking penises. Mary: Hi Dr. Mona, sorry to bother you at this hour. Doctor: No problem. What's going on? Mary: Dad's leaking. Dad's in pain. Doctor: Oh, he's just having bladder spasms. Mary (in her head): JUST??? Doctor: Is he bleeding? Is he feverish? ..... Crackle. Crackle. Pop. Silence. Mary: F#!&*K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jack: Yes dear. Mary: The GD phone isn't working. What do I do now? Jack:Huh?????? The phone rings again. Doctor: As I was saying. Why don't you just remove the catheter? Mary: I don't know nothing about removing no c...

In the days since I last posted anything, I can honestly say I've thought about writing. I've had some ideas, but never made the effort to put fingers to keyboard. However, I have been knitting and have a bag full of almost 50 teeny tiny baby hats to send to Save the Children. Today was one of those days spent sitting in hard, uncomfortable chairs in a hospital waiting room. Gratefully, it wasn't as long a day as it could have been. Any day, though, that starts before 7:30am is going to be a long one for me. Dad had a tumor removed from his bladder. An aggressive cancer that will probably return. But at his age and with the condition of his heart, these cystoscopic surgeries are really the only treatment option. I know Dad is the one who should be getting the sympathy, not me. However, in my normal it's-all-about-ME mentality I've got to say even though I signed on for this job, I just never figured I be on such intimate terms with my father's pecker. He's h...

"Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything ... whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out. " Tina Turner A ligustrum tree grows outside my kitchen window. What started out as a bush has grown into a lush, branch-filled tree. To humans, the ligustrum looks like your basic tree with a brown trunk, green leaves, and, in the spring, sweet-smelling white flowers. But to the animals that live in my backyard, the tree is a veritable wonderland. As I wash the dishes, I can watch my own version of the Animal Channel. I'm never sure what I'm going to see. The view is such that I can see right into the middle of the tree where squirrels and a variety of multi-colored birds eat the seeds they've culled from the nearby feeder. Most days the squirrels are on the run, using the maze of branches as a speedway to get from poin...

"Let’s laugh to the point of tears– not laugh at each other but at life and all it throws our way." Carol O'Dell It's almost 11:30 on a Sat. morning. The house is eerily quiet - peaceful. The dog has refused to go outside or eat breakfast because Dad is still asleep. I know I should go back and check on him. I should at least stand at the door and see if the covers are moving up and down with his breathing. But right now, I'm kind of reveling in the solitude. If he's asleep he can't say anything mean to me and if he's dead ... well, God forgive me, it won't matter if I let him lie there for a few more minutes while I prepare myself for what comes next. I remember one day from years ago, when my mom was still alive. I slept upstairs and kept my own schedule - sort of. Usually Dad got up before, or with Mom. I know he thought he was protecting her (from what?), doing right by her, but I also know she enjoyed the quiet morning time to herself. She cou...

"Just as a hand becomes calloused to toughen sensitive skin, so does a human doing become insensitive to “feeling” the emotions of those around him." http://interveninc.com/ I woke up this morning thinking maybe I've got things backwards. Perhaps I've been putting too much pressure on myself to "do" something - something that produces not only success but identity. Maybe I should stop trying to define myself and just "be" myself; be rather than do. Hmmmm?????? Instead of saying "I'm a lover," I can say "I love." Rather than define myself as a giver, I can simply give. And instead of worrying about whether or not "I'm a writer" I can just I write. Somedays I write more than others, but writing is what I do not what I am. Wow! By simply switching a couple of words around, I feel like there is less pressure to perform... and perform well, of course. Seems like as long as I can remember I've tried to be what so...

"When I discover who I am, I'll be free." Ralph Ellison (Novelist, Essayist, Short story writer) I AM ...... a girl a daughter a sister a wife a mother a grandmother a quilter a reader a friend a Christian a listener a cook a caregiver a homemaker a dreamer a lover of babies, trees, ocean waves, mountains, sweet songs, mystery novels, photographs, Coca Cola, girly movies, dancing, colorful birds, butterflies, friendly dogs, fancy stationery, Sharpie pens, a certain boy with blue eyes, mechanical pencils, soft, cotton fabric, crackling fires on a cold day, roasted marshmallows, Fall foliage, the smell of lavender, stained glass windows, cats, tulips, long, hot showers, precision haircuts, comfy quilts, purple roast beef, birthdays, flannel shirts, well-worn jeans, Birkenstock sandals, colorful socks, run-on sentences and more .... But I'm not sure I'm a writer. I went to my writer's group last week. I felt a little like a fake. I felt like a wannabe, not an act...

"Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity." Henry Hartman Meteorologists have placed what they called Hurricane Ike's "cone of opportunity" right over Key West. Uhh, that would be the same Key West where my son lives. My son who says that even if there is a mandatory evacuation, he's not going anywhere. Not the words this mother likes to hear. I have to laugh, however, because that's the same thing my 91 year old father says. "I'd rather be stuck in my own house than on I-95 going nowhere!" Even though there is some geriatric logic to that, I can't stop thinking about the four days we spent without electricity (i.e. air conditioning and ice) when Hurricane Fay blew over and dropped 12 inches of water on us. I wonder if locking the doors and heading inland at the first sign of rain isn't the best answer. Alas, there is very little chance that I'll ever find out. I come from "be prepared" and "batten ...