Random Thoughts

.....I felt like a little lost child. Mom in hospital again, me sent to a relative somewhere. I got angry and left that all behind me at 17, knowing I would not have to deal with it ever again. (foolish me.) Pretty much, I looked out for me over the years just as I did when still a child. .....Mary felt like a little lost child too. Cowering in a corner, put down by her father, left un-protected by her mother. She grew up, left, raised a family, stood up for herself, reinvented herself and then came home to this house and spent 20+ years caring for mom, then dad. Tough duty. And now me. For over six years we lived here with dad and I felt it necessary to stand up for Mary in answer to her fathers constant badgering, and demands. He didn't like me taking his Mary away from him and only tolerated me here because without me Mary would not have returned. We left once and I engineered a return when I witnessed the pain Mary was in as well as her father. They both suffered greatly. ...

Part of my nanny job is to bathe Bella and get her ready for bed. [Picture trying to corral a wiggly, squiggly, naked little girl who suddenly has more energy than a box full of puppies and zip her into a one piece sleeping suit.] Since her crib was converted to a toddler bed, she can now jump into bed and burrough down in a corner that makes my back beg for mercy.  One night after the wrestling match was over, we had this conversation: M: Do you know you are beautiful? B: Yes M: Do you know you are smart? B: Yes M: Do you know you are brave? B: Yes M: Do you know you are wonderful? B: Yes M: Can you think of something else you are? B: I'm Bella. Yes, my little love, that's exactly what you are. You are Bella through and through. How lucky the world is to have you in it. _____ Last week Sweetie and I took one of the action steps recommended in the Together In This guide to ALZ. We are now in possession of legal documents that relay our wishes to our families an...

"Challenge is the pathway to engagement and progress in our lives. But not all challenges are created equal.  Some challenges make us feel alive, engaged, connected, and fulfilled. Others simply overwhelm us. Knowing the difference as you set bigger and bolder challenges for yourself is critical to your sanity, success and satisfaction." Brendon Burchard Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by inertia. I'm not much in the mood for a challenge. Merry ME

.....I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake,  I pray the Lord my soul to take. A child's prayer, and yet the summation of all prayers. Alzheimer's, the summation of all (mankind's) fears. We are counselled to fight the ravishes of Alzheimer's for as long as we can, yet to me doing so is wrong. Are we not challenged rather than called to battle? Seeing "living with Alzheimer's" certainly must be yet another challenge in life. Confronting and overcoming challenges is an exhilarating experience. It does something to feed the soul and the mind. It makes you more than you were before. It strengthens the mental muscles and enables you to become better prepared for the next challenge."  --Jim Rohn "Focus on what has helped you overcome challenges in the past, and find ways to use these strategies every day as you address challenges and stress." — Amit Sood, M.D. The ultimate measure of a ma...

Yesterday didn't start off so great.  Sweetie came stumbling into the bedroom room where I was folding clothes around noon. He stood in the doorway, staring blankly like he had no idea where he was or what he was needed to be doing. Of course I panicked. This ALZ stuff is so new to me that every time I see something not quite right, I'm sure we're about to fly down the slippery slope like skiers with no poles.  M: What's up? S: No answer. M: Are you okay? S: No answer. M: with raised (i.e. shrewish sounding) voice: What's going on? Sweetie finally shook his head and seemed to come back from wherever he had been. Later on, still not quite himself, Sweetie went out to put some kind of order in the stuff we'd earmarked for a garage sale a month ago.  He did this in 100 degree weather. By himself. Even tho the last time we'd discussed it, we'd agreed to make it a joint effort.  He said he had a plan, but his plan was nothing like my plan. I hrumpfed...

Perhaps the only thing better than an actual quilt that you can curl up under would be a picture of a quilt that you can curl up under, or see close up. Perhaps the only thing better than a pictures of a quilt would be a whole book of pictures. Even better than that would be receiving that book via snail mail from an Internet friend you've never met, but thought of you because she knows the subject hits very close to home. Many thanks to Diane Auser Stefan from Arkansas for knowing how much this book would mean to me. Alzheimer's Forgetting Piece by Piece is a collection of pictures and stories by 54 quilt makers who have been affected by the ALZ. The quilts were originally made for a traveling exhibit to "draw us close to a difficult subject so we can understand, become more compassionate and ultimately use our own talents to effect change."* "The idea for what would become the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative," writes, Ami Simms, founder of A...

Hello, this is sweetie writing. I cannot recall when Mary started to refer to me as sweetie. I don't mind, in fact I like it. But she however isn't given to nick-names. Well....except for Wendolina, or Johnson, and I've never ventured to ask what she used to call Jim. Whatever, he apparently escaped unscathed as he seems to be quite normal. "Whatever," leads me to this: There are few things I say which bother Mary. One is my all time favorite "whatever." Usually used to be descriptive of a person, place, thing, or some issue of one person or another. My son Aaron brought into his vocabulary "It Is What It Is." I understand that to mean to him just what "whatever" means to me. I use that phrase a lot now. Mary doe not like it either. I believe they are inter-changeable. Well.....? Yeah I guess so. Speaking to my niece this evening, who said she was sad to hear about my "illness," I responded: "well, it is what it i...