Thursday, September 18, 2008

I Am or I Do ???

"Just as a hand becomes calloused to toughen sensitive skin,
so does a human doing become insensitive to “feeling” the emotions of those around him."

I woke up this morning thinking maybe I've got things backwards. Perhaps I've been putting too much pressure on myself to "do" something - something that produces not only success but identity. Maybe I should stop trying to define myself and just "be" myself; be rather than do. Hmmmm??????

Instead of saying "I'm a lover," I can say "I love." Rather than define myself as a giver, I can simply give. And instead of worrying about whether or not "I'm a writer" I can just I write. Somedays I write more than others, but writing is what I do not what I am. Wow! By simply switching a couple of words around, I feel like there is less pressure to perform... and perform well, of course.

Seems like as long as I can remember I've tried to be what someone else wanted me to be. Over the years I lost I site of what I wanted me to be. Or how to even be me. Weird, huh?

One time in a 12-step meeting I heard someone say, "I feel like a chameleon on plaid," and I knew exactly what he meant; constantly redefining oneself to suit the surrounding environment(s). No wonder I feel tired all the time! No wonder I find it impossible to sets goals, because the goal changes with each person I'm trying to please. Eventually, people pleasing takes on a life of it's own and soon the core person, the me down in my gut, gets lost. Or if not lost, easily distracted.

Even for a co-dependent queen like me, bits and pieces of the "real" Mary rise to the surface on occasion. I know because that's when I feel alive and energized; when I stop worrying about what others think - at least for the moment. So the question is how do I tap into this "me" energy? How do I release my dependence of what others think or say and learn to trust myself? Sounds like work! Ugh!

Human being rather than human doing is not an original concept. Dorothy Neddermeyer, PhD, says, "It's not what you're doing that counts the most. You can do all of the right things to establish connection or relationship, but if you have the belief that you are not valuable, this will come across in your body language as lack of confidence. People will sense (feel) your doubt and, in turn, will also doubt you. Conversely, if you are steadfast in your belief about yourself and believe that your knowledge, skills, product and services benefits people, you will notice a different response from them. The confidence and ease you feel about yourself and your business is demonstrated through your body language and people will respond to you with confidence."

Belief in myself - now there's a novel concept.

Still exploring,
Merry ME

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Author, International Speaker and Inspirational Leader specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing. Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. Article Source:


Anonymous said...

This is fascinating. Keep up the good work! I'm excited that you seem to be on the path to seeing the same wonderful person that so many of us see when we look right at you.

A big fan of Merry Me,

Sorrow said...

Thats a wonderful perspective!
i like the idea of just switching the words around. I think you have stumbled upon a really workable way to "be"
I came Via Terri at her bonesigh blog...
be gentle with you!