Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Horse Time

I'm stuck.
Not sure why.
Not sure what to do about it.
Ideas for writing/speaking come into my mind early, early in the morning. By the time I'm actually awake, they have retreated into sleep oblivion.
While I flounder, other people's thoughts, cross my path. Perhaps, like tulips under the winter's snow, during this quiet time, I'm being nourished and fortified. In time I will peek out of my hidey hole and blossom.

In her blog post on Feb. 18, Paula Josa-Jones wrote of "horse time". I've never heard of it have you?
"Horse time," writes Jones, "is biologic, sometimes even geologic. It does not have to do with any kind of human time measurement. It has to do with listening and waiting.
I got very good at waiting. One day when I came to work with him, Nelson would not let me anywhere near him. So I sat against the fence for about 2 hours until he finally came close enough to get a treat. I had a lot of time that day to think about taking that personally. A lot of time to feel my impatience and what I assumed was my ineptitude.
The real thing that I have learned from Nelson is that if I listen and wait, he gives me everything. And the lovely thing is that I have also found that to be true about myself. If I listen and wait, then what I want unfolds and offers itself to me. All in good horse time."

I used to be the epitome of patience. I could sit in a doctor's office and breeze thru magazines I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to read. I could wait near the end of the line before boarding an airplane allowing others to go ahead of me. I could chat with other weary shoppers while standing in the non-moving line at the commissary. I waited for apologies that I knew would never come.

I'm not sure what happened to change things. I want my fast food, fast. I tap my foot, sigh deeply and shuffle from one butt cheek to another waiting to be called once my appointment time has passed. I rarely stop to smell the roses, because dammit, I'm on the move. But why? I'm just not sure. Why am I in such a hurry?

Since Suzi has been wearing hobbles on her front legs she has regressed to the time before her expensive training. If she ever thought of me as a leader, it was a momentary lapse of her alpha-ism. Now when we go on a walk, she mosies down the street in her own sweet time. If I dangle a treat in front of her to keep her moving, she'll spit it out. And when she decides she's gone about as far as she feels like going, she plops her butt down and doesn't move. Seriously it's enough to turn me into one of those screaming moms in Walmart when her kids won't move from the toy aisle. Now I wonder, is Suzi just walking in dog time? Should I follow her lead and slow down? Does it really make any difference how fast we get around the circle?

And to leap from dog walking to writing/creating, is there any reason to rush things? If I have a story to tell inside of me, maybe all I need to do is give it time to percolate. But what do I do with my hands in the mean time?

Wishing for you time enough,
Merry ME



Fire Byrd said...

And listen to the radio and let your brain absorb the calmness of the needles clacking and the words of a good radio play

AkasaWolfSong said...

Ah Dear Heart...do whatever pleases you, and that is all. :)

You spent a lifetime keeping schedule according to the needs of your life, now just let yourself breathe and experience some of the no-time like the one moment you have in front of you.

I love you anyway, and will read whenever you decide to write. :)

(((Big Hugs!)))

wholly jeanne said...

i say go at your own speed, and know that your speed may change 14 (or more) times in the space of a single day. sometimes toe-tapping impatience, sometimes ambling. you do raise a very good question: what to do with hands while you wait for your story to bubble up. i can't help you with that except to say pick something up and turn it into something different. start with that then just turn your hands loose and prepare to be amazed regularly.