"When you wash your hands
when you make a cup of coffee,
when you're waiting for the elevator -
instead of indulging in thinking,
these are all opportunities for being there as a still, alert presence."
I thought I'd put my word into practice today.
Actually, I was waiting in a small room for my doctor to give me the results of a recent MRI and getting pissed off that the wait was so long.
About 20 minutes into the wait, I closed my phone and told myself this was the perfect time to sit with the stillness and see what comes of it.
I lasted about 5 minutes. There's only so much going on in an orthopedic office to take note of - really old magazines, diagrams of vertebrae and labeled pictures of all the bones in the human body, a computer, two pens on the desk, and nurses laughing outside the door. I checked my phone a couple more times before opening up the door and letting the laughers no I was getting antsy.
"I've got your chart in my hand," said the PA. In her hand did not necessarily mean she was going over it. When she walked in the room, she said (and I quote), "now why are you here?" The next thing I heard was the tiniest bit of steam coming out of my ears. I guess I'm going to have to ease myself gently into the pause thing.
As for the MRI, it didn't show much different than it did last year. I do have some compression/nerve damage of my L4L5 vertebrae. Probably arthritis. I'm pretty much convinced the nerves in my foot were damaged in the fall and/or surgery. They will either come back, or they won't. I'll try an injection in the L4 area but don't look for a miracle cure.
I think it's going to take some practice to get good at this "being an alert presence" thing,