Embrace The Suck

"The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust Here's what my horoscope for today said: "All you need is love. Bring it to the front and give it top priority. Then spread it around." I feel like lately I've been really in tune with a universal message to open my eyes and my heart and my mind to all the good that is around me. To show love, feel gratitude, and share hope is to feel the connection that unites each of us on this planet. The message is plentiful in the daily blogs I read. Like today over at Honor Yourself, Terri wasn't feeling so good still she got this great insight from staring at her bowl of oatmeal. As she began thinking about some friends who were facing big health issues, she stopped thinking about her own sore throat, and moved from there right onto gratitude. I don't know about you, but when I don't feel good, I start acting just like a little kid... life is all about me and ...

“When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have.” Kathleen A. Sutton Even though I no longer feel the need to test myself with National Blog Post Month, I still get a monthly reminder from them. Besides the annual November post every day event, they've added a monthly theme to encourage people to continue the daily posting. I usually ignore it. But I'm a little intrigued by February's topic. Want . The people over at NaBloPoMo offer these little enticements to make it easy: "Want can be defined several ways: as desire for possessions or experiences ("I want a bike," "I want to learn to fly"); as sexual desire ("I want you"); as a lack or deficiency ("Too many people live in want of basic necessities"). Thankfully February only has 28 days. I guess if I were going to go for it, this would be the month to do it. I wonder are there 28 things I want enough to write about them? What if there ar...

I drank caffeinated tea last night so my mind was still a buzz way past my usual lights out time. As I watched the clock turn over from one day to the next, I realized it was the 65th birthday of my X ... x-husband, not x-friend. Even as time marches on, I find myself re-thinking many of the times we spent together. What a blessing it is to remember more of the good times, the joy and laug hter, than the long dark days of a dying relationship. Again, I must qualify that statement by saying, that the marriage failed, but the relationship is still on track. We've both moved on, have new partners and drastically different lives. Still we share 20+ years of friendship, 2 children, 1 grandchild and many friends. Somewhere along the line the strict military man I married developed an "open mind" and a kind of gentle understanding. I don't know if I can come up with 65 reasons why knowing Jim makes me smile, but in the AntiJen spirit of birthday posts I'm going to try: 1...

"I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a horse." John Galsworthy "Swallowtail" commented on my last post. I love when that happens! Even when I have no idea who the commenter is. It's weird, I know. but I love that the Internet has made this gigantic world seem like we're all next door neighbors. Since I believe turnabout is fair play (in a good way) I checked out Swallowtail's blog ( http://meatpieandluna.blogspot.com/ ). There was some very interesting information about redwood trees which she cleverly connected with Obama's inauguration. I quote: " The Inauguration Ceremony was for me, an inspiration. Perhaps the biggest and maybe most difficult task before us, is the one of learning to live in community. For instance, the Redwood does not slough-off the Poison Oak from climbing to great heights up her magnificent trunk. No, Poison Oak takes her secrets toward the sky, and blazes bright red every f...

"Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer." John F. Kennedy What a day! History in the making! Excitement is in the air! Is it the height of Pollyanna-ism to think a good speech, and a sea of humanity seemingly all of one mind can make a big change in this country of ours. Will we wake up tomorrow and return to business as usual? Or will our hearts and minds hold fast to the excitement of this historic day? I've lived through history-making days before. I know where I was on the day John Kennedy was killed, when men walked on the moon. I remember wanting to throw up on the day the Challenger blew up and feeling numb with disbelief on September 11th. My memory isn't what it once was but I hope I carry the hope I'm feeling today for President Obama, for his family, and for our country well into the future. I know one man cannot make the changes that have to be made all by himself. I want to believe, however, that the momen...

This poem came to me via the Soul Flares Newsletter back in December. In light of the funeral I attended today, and the daily task of caring for my dad, it feels appropriate to share it as I end this day and head to bed. * * * We need one another when we mourn and would be comforted. We need one another when we are in trouble and afraid. We need one another when we are in despair, in temptation, and need to be recalled to our best selves. We need one another when we would accomplish some great purpose, and cannot do it alone. We need one another in the hour of success, when we look for someone to share our triumphs. We need one another in the hour of defeat, when with encouragement we might endure, and stand again. We need one another when we come to die, and would have gentle hands prepare us for the journey. All our lives we are in need, and others are in need of us. George O'Dell (Photo: Some of the people I need in my life) Good night, Merry ME Letters from an Open Heart 12-...

"When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. When you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. " Ancient Tibet Buddhist saying I just got home from a funeral. A member of my new church family was killed this week. A man driving a hijacked car at top speed rammed into her. She was not wearing a seat belt. She died instantly. Is it horrible to think this was a blessing? The instantaneous part, I mean. She was 23 years old. She was just leaving work at the end of the day. She was going to pick up her two children from day care. In an instant one life was gone and many others were changed. Parents, grandparents, and friends are left to try to make sense of the loss. A man who has already had a few serious brushes with the law will go to jail for a long time. The police will have to second guess their high speed chase procedures. What I can't get out of my mind is her children. Both under 4, they are too young to conceptualize death. All they are going to know is mom was...

"As care givers it is so easy to be caught up in the activity of giving care that life moves on and we are less aware of our own feelings, memories, desires, prayers. A picture, a song grabs us, captures us and at least for a few moments or minutes we honor ourselves through reflecting our personal memories. " Jack Cook Dad needs new glasses. He can get them free from the Navy. Despite the price of gas going up, he opted for hard-earned (25+years) and no cost over right-down-the-road at the mall. (Does anyone but me see a strange kind of synchronicity in discussing hospice and getting new glasses all in the same week?) We've been barking at each other a lot over the last couple of days. Elizabeth Kubler Ross might say we're experiencing the anger stage of grief. More likely we've both just realized that we are running out of time to master the fine art of communication so we keep trying. I've found, however, when we hop in the Luther-mobile, turn the radio up ...

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." John Leonard My father laments that the hardest part about living to be in his 90s is that he's outlived most of his friends. He shares an occasional lunch with some of the men he used to work with, but there aren't many close, true friends left. The ones that are still here aren't in any better health than Dad - some are worse. Lunch dates have to be scheduled around doctor's visits and naps. It's got to be tough. Dad uses the word lonely a lot. This week was an exception. One of his buds, who has recently been missing-in-action, called to invite Dad and I out to lunch with him and his daughter. I was pleased for Dad. Kind of anxious for me. This not-so-social-nut doesn't fall far from the tree. I was happy that the men were going to get together for the first time in months, but the thought of making small talk with a person I didn't know wasn't too appealing. I didn't have an excuse NOT to g...

I don't know how to write this without sounding all smug. So I'll say right up front please forgive me and "Toot! Toot!" as in tooting my own horn! There was an article in today's newspaper about the baby shower. It was also a lot about me! My picture is on the front page of the neighborhood section. I think it's true what the say about the camera adding pounds. I don't think I'm really that fat. My hair dresser is going to comment on my need for a trim and Dad might ask when I'm going to get a new pair of shoes, but all that's beside the point. The article was a really nice write-up about what will hopefully become a really big event to help really little ones in need. When I got out of bed, Sweetie told me about the article. And he told me I'd already gotten a congratulatory phone call. I wondered, before my head swelled to gigantic proportions, who gets up and reads the paper before 8am on a Sat. morning. Then I read the article and felt...

"Positive thinking is a muscle that atrophies. The Glad Game is a mental exercise to bulk up the good attitude and spend some relaxing time thinking positive thoughts. It gives a good calming energy." * We had a discussion at dinner the other night. It could have been a full-fledged argument where lines are drawn in the sand and big people act like little kids who either throw their peas or say something hurtful like "nanny nanny boo boo." Thankfully it kind of blew over instead. I started it. After a phone conversation with a newspaper columnist, I was feeling pretty high about the article she wrote about the recent baby shower. She did a great job of taking my enthusiastic ramblings and turning them into coherent sentences. Plus she made me sound a tad bit like Mother Theresa! I got a little puffed up. It must have been the bragging that set things off. My dad, who likes to keep me in my place, suggested that it was too bad all the work and generosity would be so ...

"Love comes naturally, in unexpected ways, without any permission." Unknown Have I told you lately how much I love you? Probably not because I've been driving all over town, and thinking of the kazillion things I need to do to get caught up. It's only the 6th day of the new year and I'm falling behind. I don't want to play catch up all year. I need to get busy now. Anyway, just so you know. If you are reading this I'm sending love across the air waves or however a computer disseminates information. If it's love that makes the world go round I hope you are feeling dizzy! Cause it's not just me that loves you. Take a look around. Love is in the blue sky, the snow drift, the cat at the end of your bed, the smile on your child's face, the soup on the stove, the smell of the wood crackling in the fireplace, the bird's song, the dog snoring at your feet, the song on the radio that makes your foot tap, the light that just turned green .... Yes, ...

"A news story should be like a mini skirt on a pretty woman. Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting . " Anonymous (linked to a Texas newspaper editor) I was interviewed today about the baby shower. Being interviewed is way different from interviewing - the side of journalism I know a little bit about. With lots of time to think of how I want to say something, I can usually get my thoughts into a somewhat readable order. I got so excited today talking about the baby shower, I did a lot of talking with my hands! Not easy to do on the phone, but I did it. I went to church this afternoon to try to organize all the donations. There is so much good stuff I felt like I was in Babies R Us. Onsies and nightgowns. Socks and blankies. Hats and bibs. Oh my goodness, it was enough to make this grandmother wish her ovaries were all dried up! What is it about a Carter's baby undershirt that makes me want to rub it across my cheeks? The soft cotton fabric an...

"We never know how far reaching something we may think, say or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow." B.J. Palmer Don't you just love it when the planets align and all your planning comes to a successful end? Today, with the help of lots of great people, the 3rd annual baby shower went down in history as the biggest and best yet. Maybe I should be patting myself on the back but, really, all I feel is extremely grateful. Okay, throw in some pride for a job well done, but mostly awe for how well a plan can come together when everyone is working for the common good. One of my favorite Christmas stories is a children's book, The Last Straw by Fredrick Thury. It's a bout an old, crotchety camel who is asked to join the Magi's caravan. Along the road people load him down with precious gifts for the baby king. By the time he makes it to Bethlehem, the old camel's back is ready to break. His knees buckle just as a child lays a piece of straw on the...

"Dreams are illustrations ... from the book your soul is writing about you." Marsha Norman In the days before Christmas three years ago I had a vision. When I closed my eyes I could almost put myself in the Bethlehem stable of Christian lore. As if I was looking on from the hayloft I watched as the young girl gave birth surrounded (as the story goes) by oxen and cattle and a donkey or two. Wait a minute I thought. She's 14 years old. She's far away from home. She's laboring for the first time. Having babies is women's work. Where are the womenfolk to help her? Was Mary's betrothed going to be of any use when her contractions start coming fast and furious ? Or would he wring his rough carpenter's hands and pace around the barn? I'm guessing it's one thing to be told by an angel that you're about to give birth to a king; and something else all together to be pushing the little Prince of Peace through the birth canal without your mom to wipe y...

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." Hal Borland I went to visit some long-time friends today. Identical twin girls whom I first met when they were just toddlers (39 years ago!) are all grown up with children of their own. It was fun seeing them. It was fun being surrounded by the energy of children, not an old person. I learned that it's not being a parent these days. I know what you're thinking - has it ever been easy to be a parent? Probably not. But, today I heard about living with juvenile diabetes, autism, sensory overload, ear aches and teenagers. Thank goodness for grandparents! While I was driving home I listened to an NPR interview with an author who wrote a book about old people and wisdom.* Along with obviously trying to sell a book, the interviewer asked this question of his radio listeners: Wisdom is _________. How would you fill in the blank?I'm going to ask the qu...