Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Will it Never End?

"Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting." *

I am not quite sure if I believe in "the Secret". If it is so powerful, why is it a secret? I can understand the principal of the Law of Attraction: We are all energy. Positive energy will attract positive energy and the same for negative. It seems rather simplistic, but life taken to its very basic forms is simple, isn't it. So why can't the law of attraction be true. The Chaos Theory has certainly manifested itself in my life - why not energy, good or bad, appearing on cue?

I'm not trying to write about life physics here, just trying to make a point. And what is that you might ask! Well my point is what if the law of attraction is real, even if I don't quite believe in it (think a 6 year old questioning the veracity of a certain man in a red suit at Christmas time. Is he real? Do really have to be good? What if I'm not and he is real, etc) what if it is true, that my thoughts can become my reality. If I write about a negative something will it come true just because I wrote about it - or thought it? Does it count if you think about it but your short term memory is so shot that you don't remember it 5 minutes later? Should I risk it or not?

Okay, I'm going to do it. But only after genuflecting, making the sign of the cross and whispering a prayer to Goddess of menopause.

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw it plain as as the nose of my face. In fact it right next to the nose on my face ... a small red dot. The 2nd in as many weeks. Was it something I slept on that make an impression in my sagging collagen-free skin. Say a piece of confetti? (Do I sleep with confetti?) Was it a finger print? Nope, too big even for a pinky sized finger. A bug bite? I'm pretty sure there is only one thing it could be, although I'm still seriously considering the possibility of a slow moving case of the measles.

I'm guessing it the beginning of what I think is the very last stage of menopause that my mother neglected to tell me about. In her defense she had aphasia at the end of her life so she might have said pimples and meant pumpkins. However, I've heard from several reliable sources that there is something called Senior Acne. F #!%@!!!K. As if pooting up a storm, wetting my pants when I sneeze, cough or laugh, a certain kind of hair loss (although this does negate the need for Brazilian bikini waxing), a certain body part dry as Death Valley, chin hairs, weight gain and arms that flap in the breeze aren't enough, now I have to worry about pimples? PIMPLES?

No this is not right. Eve ate the frickin' apple, not me. I'm paying my debt to society by caring for my father and his new Jazzy motorized wheelchair. Do I really have to deal with pimples too? And not just pimples. But ACNE? (Does capitalizing the word call the Law of Attraction sooner than just a normal sized font?)

This is not good. Not good at all. What am I going to do?

I guess there is only one thing I can do. It has to do with reverse psychology. I'm going to embrace my new acned self. I'm going to love each and every zit. I'm going to dot myself with Clearasil made just for seniors and wear it with pride. I'm loving have pimples as much as I love Hershey's dark chocolate kisses. Perhaps the sooner the law of attraction gets me through this stage of menopause, the sooner it will be over. And the, I can sit with my wizened cronies and tell war stories to those 20-somethings with silky blonde hair, un-enhanced boobs that stay firmly in place and and enough bladder control to dare to jump on a trampoline in mixed company.

I say, Senior Acne be damned. Bring it on. I am woman. Hear me roar!
(I say please God, no more.)

Wishing you a day to embrace everything about yourself, warts and all.
(Shit, I just said warts. I didn't mean it. Get thee behind me LOA.)
Merry ME

*Subject: 100 quotes from "The Secret" (Law of Attraction)
Username: Invincible


Tracey Catarozoli a.k.a Sally Sunshine said...

Well that was a total hoot for the morning!! ;o) In fact, I better go change my undies since I too "feel your pain"!! ;o)

Fire Byrd said...

This is good stuff obviously getting up early makes you funnier than usual!
Here's to embracing evrything menopausal..... well only on a good day!

Pamela Jones said...

OMG...get the woman some chocolate...quick!!!

You cracked me up completely! And please don't mention frogs or locusts, okay?

AkasaWolfSong said...

Oh I can't breathe I am laughing so hard...

Nobody ever mentioned late stage menopause to me and I've long since gone through it although I still have those damnable hot flashes...and my bloodwork comes back normal range for everything?
Go figure...I hadn't heard of the zit deal tho...time to get some Proactive Mary and doesn't chocolate cause the zits? I'm in deep trouble then as I loooove chocolate. you in the ethers in the Fannie May Store, ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!