Embrace The Suck

"For last year’s words belong to last year’s language  and next year’s words await another voice."    T.S. Eliot It's that time of year again, when I make a list of things that really moved me. It's Wendy's idea actually, but a good one. I'm not above stealing a good idea. I'm ready to close the door on 2012 and anxious to see what awaits me in 2013. I'm not much into make resolutions I won't keep. This time last year I chose "focus" as my word for the year. As the year draws to a close my life has definitely come into a sharper focus. What that means exactly is still up for interpretation. I haven't picked next year's word. I'm getting close, though. I keep coming back to "committed." I have to spend some more time with that and see where it leads me.   The trouble with making lists from memory is that one is sure to leave something out. As I read down this list, however, I can say it is a good re...

“Be serious.  Life hurts.  Reflect what hurts.  I don’t mean that you can’t also be funny,  or have fun, but at the end of the day,  stories are about what you love.” John Irving Need to make yourself feel good by helping others?                  Begin by gathering some of your favorite people. People who use pieces of every day life to tell a story. People who love to write, to cook, to give back. Ask them to help prepare a well-rounded, healthy dinner for 55 people with an Italian theme. Cut up 15 heads of romaine, toss in some red onion, mandarin orange slices, bleu cheese and dried cranberries.  Wear gloves to prevent the spread of germs.  Make 6 dozen cupcakes, topped with multi-colored sprinkles. Ask Panera Bread to donate some delicious smelling bread. Heat the casseroles, cook the beans, warm the bread,  prepare the salad...

There is much to do - stuff that got put off. The laundry needs to be folded. Dishes done. Dog toys put away. Cards still need to be sent. But I'm still soaking up the quietude and gratitude. The cat sitting on my lap purring. I don't want to move. My writing group is gearing up for our annual service project. We're making dinner for 50+ residents of Ronald McDonald House on Saturday. In Jacksonville, the RMcD House is just a short walk away from the Children's Hospital. Parents, siblings and even children getting outpatient treatment don't have far to go to get to a place that resembles home. No medical personnel, no machines beeping, no stale hospital air or vending machine food. Whoever designed this house, took pains to make it exceedingly comfortable. I've never been inside the place so I made a dry run this morning. Oh my. It's roomy, well lit, and decorated for Christmas. It's about as relaxing as you can get when you are away from h...

I'm sitting in the quiet mid-day of Christmas. I'm afraid to break the stillness by trying to think of the words to describe what I'm feeling. I'll turn off my computer, and turn on some Christmas music. I will embrace the peaceful quietude. May you find a moment in your day to do the same. Merry ME Later: The house is still quiet. Little bubbles of effervescence in my Coke sound like twinkling lights if they had a sound. I've read a few FB posts. Tears are welling up. Not sure from where. Why does a heart full love and tranquility weep? Because people I barely know who leave sweet messages for others to see. Or pictures of family members who are too far away to share the day with.  A prayer for dark places reminds me there are too many in this world. Yet without the dark, how can we appreciate the light? A green pine arrangement bursting forth from a pair of old ice skates reminds me of a time long ago when Christmas morning was made magical by my parents wh...

Jon Katz wrote on his blog last week: "I knew it was not my place to add to all of the anguished words about it. There was nothing for me to say, always a strange place for a writer. Some things are beyond words, even though we are awash in them. Sometimes, silence is a powerful statement."  I should probably follow his lead. I doubt I have anything new to say and words aren't really going to make a difference now. BUT (Sweetie hates it when I say add a but!), words and thoughts are swirling around my head like powdered sugar in the kitchen where I've been baking cookies. When a tragedy hits us at home, in our neighborhoods, states and country, Americans are outraged. As well they should be. But why surprised? It's as if Americans believe we can somehow be spared the horror that happens every day somewhere else. Just a few days before the CT shootings, we paused in silence to remember the attack on Pearl Harbor. And what about 9/11? As awful as those events were...

I started a post the other day I never finished. Like my feelings after the Newtown tragedy, my thoughts were a jumbled mess. I wanted to write something profound that would go down in the annals of profundity, but really there was/is nothing new to say. After circling the block I said this: "What if  a kind word or a smile, could make a difference in someone's life?"  Sweetie hates it when I ask what if. It's a habit I can't break. And really, if you ask me, it's not all that bad a question. For instance, if I asked "what if something bad was going to happen? And then you told me how to avoid that bad thing, then "what if" could be a useful tool. Right? Well before I get too side-tracked on the goods and bads of "what ifs" I better get on with today's thoughts. "What if," I ask myself, "every day could be as good as today?"  Seriously people, I had one of the best days ever - or one of the best da...

" We find ways to let light in, as many ways as possible.  We love those near and far, openly and without reserve. We live every day."  www. carryitforward .com I was asleep when it happened. When life, as they knew it, changed for people in Newton, CT, for the state, the country. Dare I say, the world?  For what happens to one, happens to all. I wish I'd stayed asleep and never heard the news. Like others I'm horrified. Brokenhearted. Too far away to make a difference. Too connected not to try. First I cried.  Then I prayed. Then I cried some more and hugged my Sweetie and my son. Then, I do what I do, to stop the pain. I shopped. With no intent other than to block feelings I went to my favorite art supply store and wandered the aisles looking at things I don't need or want. In the midst of people I felt isolated in my own world. In an odd way, the bright colored paper, pens of all description, toys, cards, and ribbons, lit up the darkness. I held my ...

Will someone please tell me how it got to be Dec. 5th already? Does global warming make the earth spin faster? I had good intentions to get Christmas chores done in a timely fashion so I could enjoy the season and NOT surpass the Grinch on grinchiness. The tree is up and has lights. That's it. The dining room is piled high with boxes of decorations and ornaments. I grow weary just thinking about it. Johnson has been less than subtle about his desire for Christmas cookies. When am I going to fit that in? Speaking of Johnson he has turned into a decorating fool. Last year he said, "don't ask me to hang Christmas lights, because I hate it."  In the past two days, he has not only made outdoor wreaths and decorations, he's hung them, and lit them up. He's planted poinsettias, and put lights all over the bushes. Every time I go out, I discover something new. All this from the guy who hates Christmas lights. I'm remembering the little boy and how he loved t...

"We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and  powerful selves  to be deeply seen  and known,  and when we honor the spiritual connection  that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection." Brene Brown ChicaPeeps.com     is a place where women share their stories of the special bond girlfriends create. Where women can gain strength and support from each other. A  couple days ago Chica Peeps founder, Veyla Jancz-Urban asked  me to be their guest blogger. I  have to say I felt pretty darn special.  It didn't take long, however, for the negative voices in my head to begin their chatter.  "Who do you think you are?" came through loud and clear. But then I thought about the Brene Brown interview I'd heard on NPR last Sunday. I decided to feel my vulnerability and write anyway. Who do I think I am? I'm a woman with a story to tell. And you know what, that's enough.  It helped ...

(drum roll please) Sweetie's granddaughter pulled Nightbyrd's name out of the proverbial hat. Actually it was my mom's cast aluminum dutch oven. I used it the other day to make soup in and have kept it out. It's odd, but it has made me feel my mother's spirit close to me. Go figure. Thanks to all of you who donated, spread the word around your blogs and FB pages. I'm grateful to be reminded of all the big hearted people in the world. I've put most of my fabric back in the closet. During my latest sewing blitz I've learned that it is fun to pull it all out again. I think my next quilt will be one for Malala. It will also be a donation quilt. Keep posted for more information after the first of the year. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your dreams be full of plenty. Merry ME

... I'll be drawing a winner's name for the quilt giveaway. You've still got time. I won't be picking until after the last piece of pie has been consumed and all of us are lying on the couch swearing that we'll never eat again.  So if you want to get your name in, see the post below - Every Little Bit Helps. Make a donation to a charity that will help in Hurricane Sandy relief. It doesn't have to be the Red Cross or Salvation Army. Though they are great charities that do good work. Give to the place that speaks to you -  a food pantry, the ASPCA, libraries. Then let me know by putting your name and charity in the comment section. I'll post the winner before I fall into bed with a tryptophan hangover.  ____ Today is also the day for giving heartfelt thanks for all our blessings. Lately I've been reminded that blessings can often be found in the middle of chaos, turmoil, and even pain. Hard to believe, isn't it? A couple years ago I was brows...

UPDATE:  I'll be picking a winner on Thanksgiving Day. So make a donation and leave your name in the comment section below.  ME UPDATE:  I see a tiny problem but it should be easy to fix. Commenting anonymously doesn't get your name in the drawing. And there's no way to tell Anonymous A from Anonymous B. Are you different or the same? I need to be able to get back in touch with you somehow. We can exchange email addy's later. But please at least leave your name. If you still comment as Anonymous, just say your name in the comment.  You can use first name and last initial. Or last name alone. Or an Alias. Just so I can get your name in the hat. And really, thank you. Thank you again and again. Merry ME _____ I always breathe a sigh of relief when a storm veers away from Jacksonville.  At the same time it's hard not to feel guilty that it went somewhere else.  I was in no way prepared for Hurricane Sandy. Like a lot of others, I felt like the...

"We know that a peaceful world cannot long exist, one-third rich and two-thirds hungry." Jimmy Carter A couple years after I moved back to Jacksonville, I heard an advertisement for an Empty Bowl Luncheon held to raise money and awareness for the Second Harvest Food Bank here in NE Florida. The idea is simple. School kids make bowls in art class and donate them. People who attend the luncheon get to pick out a bowl. The meal - a bowl of soup, some bread and some fruit -is meant to remind attendees about the growing number of people for whom a bowl of soup is a blessing. The Empty Bowls Luncheon is always held right before Thanksgiving. Another reminder that  the time for gratefulness should not just one day a year. For those who are hungry, every day they have food is reason for gratitude. Until today I've never been to the luncheon.  I was reminded by my blog friend and bowl maker Illuminary a few weeks ago that it was that time of year again. Her kiln has be...