Embrace The Suck

"Beauty goes beyond mere necessity.  Grace, gracefulness, graciousness take us beyond mere necessity  to a place of delight, even joy." Br. Mark Brown, SSJE There's a lot I can say about my Sweetie.  He makes me laugh.  He holds me when I cry. He tells good stories. He's mostly a good driver, except when I'm backseat driving and yell, "Look out!"  He likes to read. He likes to write. He's organized in a way that I will never be. He loves cats. Dogs too. But there's a soft spot in his heart for big gray English Blue cats. He's never met a potato chip he didn't like, but he prefers Wavy ones. He's a volunteer Guardian ad Litem. He's patient until he's not, then he blows up. The good part about this is, it doesn't take him long to be is okay again. (Unlike me who lets things fester) He likes back scratches. He doesn't say anything when I sleep in late … really late. Or steal most of t...

Five days behind. No way to catch up. I'd like to say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but that would be a big fat lie. I've tried. I've really tried. It's just not happening. Or it wasn't happening until this morning when I was making the bed. I'd turned on the TV which was still set to PBS from last night. Sesame Street was on.  Elmo's Countdown to Christmas, to be exact, but I didn't know that til the end. And I didn't know until now that's been around since 2007. See what you miss when you don't have little kids around the house. I tuned in late. The Elf in charge of the Christmas counter downer was trying to convince Oscar the Grouch to help with the countdown. I'd like to think I haven't been as grouchy about Christmas as Oscar. There's a chance, however, that given a few more undone tasks I might have to find a garbage can to hang out in. The counter downer drops, the numbers go flying all over wh...

Note: This took two days and lots of edits. me I'm not sure how I've missed only three days but I'm 4 SSJE words behind. Expand. Focus. Experience. Become. Each of those words would take considerably more thought than I have energy for tonight. I couldn't have written much yesterday. I was already feeling very sad about some things when I heard about the Taliban shooting up a school in Preshawar, Pakistan. I'm just not sure there is anyway to put a joyful spin on something as horrific as that. There's nothing in those 4 words I could tap into for meaning of such barbaric craziness. Today's quote from gratitude.com made as much sense as anything I could come up with. Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them. Rabindranath Tagore Yet even those words, good as they sound, would have little meaning to 100 school children being gunned down. Does someone really think that one can be fearless in facing such atr...

This is important: to get to know people, listen, expand the circle of ideas.  The world is crisscrossed by roads that come closer together and move apart,  but the important thing is that they lead towards the Good."  Pope Francis I haven't put together a jigsaw puzzle in years. There was a time not so long ago that a puzzle always sat in some stage of completion on the dining room table. Sometimes mom would sit at the table for hours, looking at the pieces and only fit a couple of them together. Then someone else would walk in, usually Dad, take a quick look and neatly connect three or four pieces into each other.  Today's SSJE word is expand , which follows on the heels of risk and act . The words go together like pieces of an Advent puzzle. The month is half over and I'm just catching on! After one risks doing something in a different way, or acts on a new idea, the natural progression of things would be the expansion of one's horizons - physic...

I can't tell you where the last couple of days have gone. I wish I had more to show for them. I'm not doing so good at posting every day. The SSJE's words for yesterday and today are act and risk . I think they could easily be two sides of the same coin. If once you decide to risk, action is the next step. Or maybe when you decide to act, it involves a risk. The other night Sweetie and I watched a documentary on Netflix called Nicky's Family .  It gave me goosebumps, made me cry, and made me wish that I would be so brave. The gist of the story, which you may have heard already, is that Nicholas Winton, "a L ondon stockbroker, born into a family of German Jewish immigrants rescued 669 children, most of them Jews, from Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia in 1939. They came to Britain in eight transports. The ninth was canceled when Hitler invaded Poland on Sept. 1, 1939. The 250 children destined for it journeyed instead into the inferno of the Holocaust." ( Roger...

Yesterday got away from me. I slept through most of it. When I woke up I attempted to make Peppermint Bark. My sister makes it every year. Not making it has been my tradition for about 3 years in a row. I have good intentions.  I buy the white and dark chocolate chips and candy canes. I even go so far as beating the peppermint sticks into red and white striped crumbles. FYI - even if the chocolate candy doesn't get made, beating the heck out of something in a plastic bag is good for holiday stress. Determined that this would be the year I went the distance, I began by melting the chocolate chips in an improvised double boiler. My mom used to have a double boiler. I don't know what happened to it. Funny how I still find things to miss about my mom. I stirred the chocolate until it was melted and smooth. I spread it out on a  cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, then stuck in the fridge to harden. Easy peasy. This would have been the perfect time to multi-task by frost...

I've been on my feet almost all day. My hands have either been wrist deep in flour and sugar or hot water. I don't know how many dozen cookies I made. I do know it's barely a drop in the bucket compared to what I used to do. I didn't bake anything last year.  My son blames my daughter's no carb diet. No carbs = no cookies, even at Christmas. Now there's someone with willpower. I'm trying to remember the days when baking all day brought me joy instead of exhaustion. I think there's something missing when only one person is in the kitchen doing the work. Perhaps instead of listening to NPR all afternoon, I should have played 3 Dog Night's version of "Joy to the World."You know, Jeremiah was a bullfrog ….. I think a day full of baking should have some booty shaking in it. Too bad I just thought of it. Today's SSJE word is "respond."  I feel myself responding to some un-joyful news with my typical ride in on a white horse to s...

Note: As if to prove my point about not knowing my Bible people so well, Joy left a comment to tell me that that I had Mary and Martha mixed up. Martha was the doer, Mary the listener. Oh well, I guess I made my point! me I can remember being asked in a church study group what woman from the Bible would you be? Not being a student of the Bible, I was hard pressed to think of any biblical women that I might resemble. Eve? Not that much of a rule breaker. The Virgin Mary? Not that Holy. Ruth? I'm a follower, for sure. At the time I probably picked Mary who, unlike her sister Martha, was all about making things nice for Jesus when he visited. Yup, that would have been me. I like being on the outside or in the kitchen. Close enough to hear what's going on, but not in the thick of things.  What I didn't know, until I started getting Ronna Detrick's weekly emails, is there are a lot of women in the Bible - some with names, some without - whose lives were barely recorded a...

 My sweet, Bella is going through a separation anxiety stage. She always smiles when she sees me, and is agreeable to "go outside" with me,  but she keeps pretty close tabs on her mom is all times. By dinner time, I'm usually only good for "potty time."  Last night Mom and Dad were at a meeting so I, aka MeMe, was in charge of dinner.  Let me just say that feeding the Russian army might be easier than feeding this child. "No, No," said the petite child who suddenly developed Herculean strength and almost tossed herself out of the high chair.  The adage of the horse and water works for 2 year olds and milk as well. She was having none of it. Poor thing was in total melt down mode when her mom came home to change for a party.   No dummy, Bella, knew if she clung to her mommy, mommy couldn't go anywhere without her. Tension and anxiety were in the air. In an effort to distract her, we all walked to the garbage drop down the hall. When we noticed ...

Too tired to write. May angels guard you as you sleep. Merry ME

“Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”  ―  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Well, so much for perfect blog attendence. I completely missed yesterday. I had thoughts throughout the day about joy, and the SSJE advent word "imagine." I just never got my act together enough to write those thoughts down to see if they made any sense. I'd have to say pretty much the same thing for today. Except today my excuse is that I was making bears instead of writing. I cut myself some slack when I read Alana Sheeren's Monday Mantra and asked her if I could copy it. I readily admit that it was this picture that caught my eye. But as I read on, I agreed with everything Alana said.  Who hasn't had those moments when we wish for Martha Stewart to pop in and work her magic with the decorations and in the kitchen? And who hasn't melted into a puddle of tears when their kindergartner brings home a glue and glitter covered piece of art to go on the very un-Martha tree? Who hasn't looked at their tree years later, after the kids are gone with kids of th...

I've done it. I've posted something everyday this month. I can't say it my best writing. I can say having a deadline did kind of jump start my productivity. It would be nice to continue the daily practice. I wonder what the chances are of actually doing it.  As if blogging every day isn't enough, I've kind of/sort of joined another community that requires daily participation. What that means is I signed up to get a word from the Society of St. John the Evangelist ( www.ssje.org ) as an Advent meditation, but the chances of me taking a photo or adding to the global Advent calendar are pretty slim. I have, however, thought about today's word, "look" off and on all day. If I wanted to continue with self-imposed discipline of daily blogging NaBloMoPo continues throughout the year. Each month has a theme. December's theme is joy. It sounds like a pretty easy thing to write about. The trouble is when I'm tired and stressed, shopped til I'm fe...

Sweetie and I went to watch the annual boat parade on the St. John's River tonight. Near the top of a high rise apartment building, the family I work for literally has a bird's eye view of the river. At this time of year small children tend to take a double look when Sweetie walks by. Even without a red suit trimmed in fur, he looks pretty much like the real Santa. Bella doesn't really get what all the fa la la ing is all about but she's beginning to understand there is something different in the air. She's picked up that there is some kind of connection between the tree with lights and ornaments, jingle bells and Santa Claus. She likes the pretty lights, but the mall Santa is down right scary. She wanted nothing to do with him. So we were all pleasantly surprised when she walked into the living room where Sweetie (it's been over a year since she's seen him) was standing and said, without missing a beat, "Christmas!" She kept her distance and w...

Blame it on the tryptophan. Blame it on the quiet that descended as the last guest left last night. Blame it on memories of Thanksgivings past. To everything there is a season …. holidays have their anticipatory excitement and all good things must end doldrums.  I'm feeling rather sluggish today. Just thinking about shoppers waiting in line for Black Friday sales this morning makes me tired. The sun is setting while a small breeze causes the elephant ears in the back yard to sway.  As I put away Mama's gold trimmed china this morning, I was aware of missing her. I'd felt it resting on my shoulder for most of yesterday, too. She's been gone for 12 years. That's 12 Thanksgivings, 12 birthdays and 12 Christmases we have had without her.  Even when she still sat in her traditional place at the head of the table, I did the cooking so it's not like I haven't had practice being the Thanksgiving Maven. I wanted her to be the Maven. I realized las...

Counting Our Blessings: Why We Say Grace By Anne Lamott NOVEMBER 28, 2013 – 8:00 AM – No matter how you say it, grace can transform an ordinary meal into a celebration—of family, love, and gratitude. We didn’t say grace at our house when I was growing up because my parents were atheists. I knew even as a little girl that everyone at every table needed blessing and encouragement, but my family didn’t ask for it. Instead, my parents raised glasses of wine to the chef: Cheers. Dig in. But I had a terrible secret, which was that I believed in God, a divine presence who heard me when I prayed, who stayed close to me in the dark. So at 6 years old I began to infiltrate religious families like a spy—Mata Hari in plaid sneakers. One of my best friends was a Catholic girl. Her boisterous family bowed its collective head and said, “Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts. …” I was so hungry for these words; it was like a cool breeze, a polite thank-you note to God, the silky magnetic energy of gr...

Chex Mix - check Pumpkin pie - check Clam Dip - check Fruit salad that nobody cares for except me - check I think I've got a pretty good head start on the cooking. 19 pounds of turkey, potatoes, and beans yet to go. I ready for bed. Instead of counting sheep, I'm going to count my blessings, Merry ME

I feel like I got a lot done today but when Sweetie asked me what, I could only name one thing. My day started with the thing all women look forward to - my annual exam. To my dismay my weight had not changed much but I've lost 2 inches. Now I understand why my back hurts all the time. Where would those 2 inches have gone, except to pile up on each other like an LA traffic jam at the base of my spine. As I assumed the position my doctor says, "so this could be your last pap." I was caught a bit off guard. I certainly wasn't in a place where I could do a happy dance. But it does seem like this is a cause for celebration, doesn't it? Apparently the people who make the rules on this kind of thing have determined if you have a history of negative paps and no HPV, then you only need the test every 5 years and none after the age of 65.  I'm not sure what kind of party to have, but cake will definitely be on the menu. The rest of the day was spent either in the...

I saw this  video  of comedian Michael Jr. posted on a friend's Facebook today. It really struck a chord with me. And it goes right along with Josh Urban's Kindness Exchange . The premise of which is to do a random act of kindness. It's that easy. Then you post your good deed at something called #kindness exchange, and Josh hangs a tag on a tree in his front yard that is illuminated with red lights to be a beacon of kindness for all to see.  Here's the cool thing about the Kindness Exchange. You don't have to know Josh. IT's cool if you do, cause he's a pretty amazing guy, but you don't have to.  You can do the same thing right in your own city or neighborhood. Think what it might be like if, for the rest of the year, when the spirit of Chrismas is often overshadowed by shopping, pushing, shoving, wrapping, baking, mailing, swearing, and crying. Not to mention all the family dysfunction that often drowns out the Christmas carols.  If all of us ke...

With regards to my previous post (see below) I'd like to make sure you all know I was in no way  judging people for the way their house looks or the way they do things. I was simply making an observation.  What's wrong with being orderly, Sweetie asked me this morning. I told him, as I'm telling you now, there's nothing wrong with being orderly. In fact there's a lot right about it. It's the way he is, not the way I am.  ____ So now that we've got that straight, I'm off on another subject. Today on Facebook, Numinous Jane (www.numinousjane.com) posted this picture and question... "If you could make an altar to your life what would be on it? How would the grace of you show up? " Dictionary.com defines an altar as a mound or table where religious rites are performed or sacrifices are made to the gods. It also says an altar is  the table   used   in   the   celebration   of   communion (of the Lord's Supper). In...

When I get off work at 8 pm I usually turn into the Oprah channel on the XM radio and listen to the Jenn Berrman show. Dr. Jenn is a psychotherapist who gives advice to people who call in with relationship problems. She's not necessarily a kinder, gentler Dr. Laura, but I don't think she's as in your face as Dr. Laura could be. On almost every show I've heard, no matter what the problem, Dr. Jenn suggests a full year of weekly individual therapy. I happen to know the power of this kind of intensive self seeking therapy. I just wonder who's got that kind of insurance and time anymore. The other night Dr. Jenn talked to a woman who asked whether or not she should stay with a person who wasn't as clean as she is. After asking some questions, Dr. Jenn told this story about how she and three other people did a show on A&E.  They'd go into a person's house and after a day or two,  they could tell what that person is like. I may not have all the details...

This did not get posted last night. In my defense, I was at work until after midnight so I couldn't finish it. I doubt the NaBloPoMo police are going to check up on me. Just wanted my cheerleaders to know I did my best. ME ____ I like to read. I'm not a fast reader. If you ask me a few days after I finish a book who was the main character or what was the plot, I probably couldn't tell you. I don't have much of scale for why I like a book or not. It's usually an emotional reaction. I don't look for literary flair, or big words. I like a story that grabs me at the start and takes me on a journey. I particularly like memoirs by and about women. Like Joan Anderson who spent a year by the sea, or Cheryl Strayed who walked the Pacific Coast Trail, or Elizabeth Gilbert who traveled around the world and got paid for the story of how she found herself. That's why I picked up Gilbert's most recent novel, The Signature of All Things. Gilbert went back to he...