Monday, July 21, 2014

To Write or Not to Write … That's the Problem

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, not so much writing. WHen I sit down to write, I have a hard time making sense of my "random thoughts." More than random, they are like a big ball of different colored rubberbands. You know how when you have too many rubberbands lying around, so you just start wrapping them around a tennis ball and before you know it you've got this gigantic ball of bands going this way and that. Sometimes I want to write about the blue one, down there under the green, behind the red, on top of the brown. It's hard to get to just the right thought. All the thoughts (rubberbands) are not necessarily connected but are intertwined enough that I have to be really in the mood to write, or I don't write at all.

My writing coach, Carol O'Dell, told us in the very beginning of our group get togethers, that a) we are writers and b) even if we're not typing.  I think Natalie Goldberg (Writing Down the Bones - Freeing the Writer Within) said something along the same lines, "you're a writer even when you don't write."

So here I sit in a quiet room with little to disturb my thoughts or process. l Three month old Gavin is sound asleep in another room. I can hear a light rain outside, and the washing machine spinning. I'm ready to write. I want to write. But what should I write about?

Yesterday I presented Sweetie with a new gas grill. The whole bottom of our last one, came off in his hand thanks to Florida rust causing weather. When I walked through the den I found Sweetie sitting in a circle of grill parts. All the screws, nuts and bolts were, in typical Sweetie fashion lined up by size in neat rows. I was going to get the hamburgers ready to cook, but could tell this process might take longer than expected. Almost 7 hours later, Sweetie was still at it. I would have thrown it all back in the box, but not my man who apparently likes a challenge. By the end of the day, after a storm passed over, Sweetie stood near his new grill, spatula in one hand, his other holding his aching back. Still he was a happy man.  The point of telling you all that is to say, it might help me write if I put away my helter--skelter way of doing things and organized my thoughts.

On my list of things to write about is …

  1. Kristen's Bear 
  2. Sexual abuse and recovery
  3. Being in the moment
  4. Finding magic in the moment
  5. Sweetie's fear of dementia
  6. Me facing back surgery
  7. Possible rants - immigrant children in Texas, kidnapped Nigerian girls, Israel vs Gaza, etc
I think what I'm going to have to do is be more mindful of the subjects. Set aside more time for writing.
Then "Just do it."

Here's another Natalie Goldberg quote:
" In the middle of the world, make one positive step.
In the center of chaos make one definitive act.
Just write."
What color rubberband are you trying to get?
Merry ME


nitebyrd said...

Merry, you are a kindred spirit. My thoughts swirl around like a hurricane, lists & good intentions be damned!

Susan Lenz said...

My rubberband is the color "Happy"! Thanks so much for the wonderful comment on my blog!