Random Thoughts

“i will be mindful of the act of loving you every day of my life.  i will not take you for granted,  but will keep my eyes open to the treasure that you are,  allowing room for your individuality and your own uniqueness.  i will not try to bend you to my ways,  but rather open myself to your ways as being part of who you are.  i will embrace all of you.  the dark parts along with the light.  because, together, those parts create the being that i love.  i will accept you, respect you and admire you.  and if something comes between us to make me stumble with this,  i will go to you and ask your help with my struggle.  i will bring my challenges to you,  looking for your thoughts and support  and i will return that support to you freely.  when i'm hurt, i will believe in your love for me,  i will bring you my hurt,  and together we will grow from it and then put it aside...

"There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming  relationship, communion or company  than a good marriage."  Martin Luther I've had marriage on my mind a lot lately. My daughter tied the knot on the 10th, and I just got home from a wedding held in our church. I think it may be the first wedding I've attended there since I arrived back in Jax 17 years ago. (An aside: SEVENTEEN years ago? How did that happen? It's almost as long as I was gone.) Bit I have attended a lot of funerals. Many were for people who had a long-time spouse standing in the front pew, covered from head to toe in heartache. What I saw in pictures from my Weneki, however, was a tender, sweet willingness to join one life to another and skip down the sidewalk. I've never met, Weneki's Kurt, but let me just say this. In my book, any guy who holds his new bride's hand and skips down a city sidewalk is a keeper.  Seriously folks, a guy who skips is a rare find. I don't t...

(I started this post yesterday, then got distracted...) I'm not sure going to the movie is fun anymore. Packed my Sweetie up for an afternoon matinee - $5.00 right? Wrong.  Even though we were two seniors at a 2:35 showing, since the movie (Hope Springs) just came out yesterday, you have to pay weekend prices.  And, as  we found out last time we went to a movie, weekend prices start on Friday, not Saturday. Then, of course, we had to have some refreshments. I printed out a 50% coupon before leaving home, for a #1 special. It's a popcorn and soft drink combo but I'm not sure of the size. Fifty percent off would  put it into the somewhat reasonable price range.  Alas, the coupon wasn't good til tomorrow. What do you want to bet, popcorn and soda prices are also raised to weekend prices? So we opted for a #1 light. An old fashioned-sized bag of popcorn and a small coke, which is not to be confused with the Kid's pack small size. $8.99 a piece. The movie was...

Do you believe in serendipity? I have been writing some stories about when I met my Sweetie and how things turned kind of upside down between me and my Dad. My group encouraged me to keep going on the theme 0f "MY" growth instead of focusing all on caregiving, death, grief, etc. Which is where I thought if there was a book in me, that would be the subject. It hasn't been easy. It's taken 4 weeks and 5 "chapters" to even get to the end of our first date. Perhaps Love and War could be a good title. Anyway I've been stumped now that I'm at the point of story where Sweetie kisses me goodbye and I have to walk in the back door and meet Dad's anger head on. I think the stuckness comes from the same feelings tucked away in a hidey hole under my ribs. The story is hard to write from my perspective and not make Dad sound like the Big Bad Wolf. Which of course he was on occasion, but so was I. Anyway, I decided today to clean out the guest room closets ...

"You never know where a blessing can come from." Teena Marie On our 2nd full work day at the Oaks, there was a choice of three projects: to finish painting one of the dorm houses, to paint picnic tables or to organize the house that serves as a clothes closet for the mission. Okay, it's not really a whole house, more like a large shed. And "organize" might be too big a word for unpacking, sorting, and sizing about a kazillion pairs of underpants and socks. When it comes to "organizing" however, my Sweetie considers himself a world champion. I would say that I run a pretty close second but some of you may question the veracity of that statement because of the stories you've read about my propensity for clutter. While the rest of the Good Goers team grabbed paint brushes, Sweetie and I sequestered ourselves across the campus. The closet is full of donated items from bedding, to jackets, to shoes, to towels, to jeans and backpacks. And did I mention ...

"Make you the world a bit better or more beautiful because you have lived in it." Edward W. Bok Sweetie and I made it home safely, but not without some excitement. The funeral was held in an historic Episcopalian church, red door and all, with only about 7 rows of pews on either side of a main aisle. The church was overflowing which was a great tribute to the woman who was being remembered. Over 170 people whose mean age was probably around 75 and girth, well let's just say large, were packed in like sardines. Walkers and wheelchairs and canes were left in the back of the church. It's never a good sign when an ambulance is called and one of the attendees is taken away on a stretcher before the service even starts. [As an aside, it's clear that central Florida, is a haven for people of retirement age. The mobile home parks were only outnumbered by the number of cardiologists advertising on big billboards along the highway.] I was uncertain as to how I might react a...

Borrowing from the Queen: "A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." Paul Sweeney Even though Sweetie and I have several anniversaries to choose from today is not one of them. But I did have a moment this morning when I wondered if not only the "new" in newlywed was a stretching things a bit, but that we had perhaps turned into "oldy" weds in need of some marriage counseling. For those of you who don't know us, Sweetie and I look sort of alike, but our similarities end with the white hair and round tummies and proclivity to hang out in baggie jeans. We have recently discovered about ourselves that I am the ying and he is the yang. Which basically means we are polar opposites. I admit I'm kind of (okay, a lot) of a clutterbug and he likes things to have in an identifiable order. I'm kind of (okay, a lot) dramatic and he is cool in most situations except ...

Sweetie and I did something a little different tonight. We went on a date. We went to hear this guy (Goliath Flores). Well that's what we thought we were doing. As it turned out we went to a bustling restaurant, had to wait for a table, and the drum beat was so loud we couldn't hear the singer. Since we'd already eaten dinner we settled on a slice of quadruple layer lemon cheesecake and some kind of chocolaty cappuccino thing. Both were tasty but way too sweet. When mixed with the drumming, dessert made for the beginnings of a headache. Sweetie also had the thump thump of little feet on the other side of his booth. After a few minutes an unhappy little boy, say around 4, was led by his unhappy father to an empty chair and left there (within sight) to think about his behavior. From my vantage point I could see as the little one immediately assessed his situation. He stared at his dad with sad eyes and lips turned down, looking, if not exactly feeling, remorseful. The coup ...

"Friendship multiplies the goodness of life." Balitasar Gracian (1601-1658) I have a friend I haven't mentioned in awhile. My focus has been on either my father or me. Still, no matter what, my friend is always there, waiting in the wings to listen, hold me, dry my tears, deal with my bitching, laugh at my outrageousness, share his Wavy chips with me and remind me that I am not alone. On top of all that my friend is [mostly] patient with my father, biting his lip so not to scream at Dad driving his Jazzy wheelchair into every wall and doorway between the kitchen and the other end of the house. While it is not quite a touchy feel-ly relationship, it is respectful on both sides. On his way to the bathroom at night, my friend always stops in the doorway to Dad's bedroom to make sure everything is okay, that Dad is still breathing. My friend is probably the most committed Guardian ad Litem there is in this neck of the woods. The kids he works for/with are lucky to have h...

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine Sweetie had a bit of a surprise windfall this week. (Aren't all windfalls a surprise?) He got his firstsocial security check. I think at first it made him feel a tad bit o...

"Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fall." Oliver Goldsmith My Sweetie has started on a new journey. Or maybe it's an old journey that is just taking a new path. Regardless, I think it's fun to watch the process. A few weeks ago he facilitated a 7-week class at a local high school. The class was put together by Junior Achievement to help students begin thinking about a career path. It was not just a "what do you want to be when your grow up" class, although that was certainly a part of it. Sweetie had the teens thinking and talking about morals, values, and personal truths. Sadly, it was a hard concept for some of the them to grasp. As is often the case, the teacher's eyes were opened to new vistas, at the same time as the students. At the end of the 7th week, Sweetie had made a good impression, if not a home run. Known to the students (behind his back til the last class) as Col. Sanders, Sweetie gave the juniors and seniors some...