It's A Bug's Life

I don't know about you, but I am starting to get very bugged - quite literally - by the advertisements that appear on my email page.

For awhile there was this wrinkled old woman who morphed before your eyes into a beautiful lady with nary a wrinkle in site. And there is a fat lady who trims down into bikini size. And some old guy with long hair and a shaggy beard that just sits there staring at me. But none are quite so bothersome as the new one that appeared in the last few days. Way over to the right of my screen that I can really only see out of the corner of my eye, this God-awful cockroach goes scurrying up to the top of the screen then turns into a scad of little baby roaches. Now I realize it is an ad for pest control but personally I think it is taking animation just one step too far.

See I live in the land of roaches. No let me correct that as my father would if were reading this. What I see dashing under any available shelter when I turn on the light into the garage are not roaches at all but Palmetto bugs. What the difference is, I'm sure only a roach loving biologist could tell you. It may be that Palmetto bugs are bigger and can fly. I don't know, can real roaches fly? OMG, I'm getting creeped out just thinking about it. Anyway, I have to deal with these bugs because I live where it is hot and damp. I'm not the neatest of housekeepers but I don't believe the bugs have decided to call my house home because of dirt and refuse.

But really who cares. Clean or dirty, they are disgusting. I really do not like having cyber-roaches any more than I like seeing the little buggers scamper across the floor. Here's the absolute kicker. I probably shouldn't even tell you because you'll never come to my house to eat even if I show you a clean bill of health from the sanitation department. This morning as I was emptying out the clean - did I say clean???- dishes from the dishwasher, I noticed a 2-inch section of antennae kind of waving at me. You know how when you go to the Red Lobster and all those Live Maine Lobsters are in the tank just waiting for you to pick one out, like kids waiting to be adopted, only you're going to have it thrown into a pot of hot water instead of take it home and raise it as your own. You know how the smart ones kind of sit there looking near death and the not so smart ones swim around the tank unsuspecting of their imminent doom and they kind of move their antennae around as if to wave at you and say, pick me, pick me?

Well that's what I saw. Only it wasn't a lobster, it was a Palmetto bug, hiding in a crevice between the dishwasher and under the sink. He was trying not to be seen, while checking to see if the coast was clear so he could take a stroll around or through my clean dishes. I saw that stinker but with no way to commit Palmetto bug murder, I could do nothing but scream.

I try to love all of God's creatures, even snakes and grizzly bears and octopi and jelly fish. I don't want to shake hands with them, but I think we can live peacefully on this big planet together if they stay on their side of the road and I stay on mine. I have to draw the line, however, when it comes to black, flying/crawling, just plain gross roaches and Palmetto bugs.

I am lucky I have my very own bug catcher in the form of a rather large but surprisingly lithe when it comes to bug hunting black cat. Trouble is once she captures her prey she wants to share the prize with me by dropping it on my bed. Uh, thanks but no thanks. I've been known to sit up straight out of a sound sleep if I here her tell-tale victory cry coming down the hall (how it is that she can carry a bug and declare herself queen of the world at the same time, but she does) in the wee hours of the night. I have checked having a roach crawl on me off my list of creepy things to do in my life. I do not want to do it again.

On that note, I'm going to head back into the kitchen, open up the dishwasher and spray a healthy (or not so healthy) dose of eco-friendly-get-out-of-my-kitchen-you-creepy-pest spray, followed by a long shower of hot water for sanitation purposes.

Hmmm, not sure how I got off on that tangent but I think I feel better!

Wishing for you a bug-free environment. Unless you are the kind of person that likes bugs, then I wish you bugs enough to delight your fancy,

Merry ME