Monday, August 8, 2011

Speak No Evil

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
My parents

I grew up hearing this adage quoted over and over again. Funny thing is, now that I'm an adult I realize the two people who repeated it to their children had tongues like vipers that could spit venom a foot away. As I grew up I learned how to say nice things, how to say not-so-nice things, and how to be quiet in the face of lightening quick mean retorts. The best mean things I say are always shouted at the top of my lungs in the privacy of my car, about an hour after an encounter. Preceded by tears and followed up by tears.

Yesterday I had a few opportunities to perhaps stick up for myself, be assertive, make decisions that worked for me and in general take control. Instead I shivered in my shoes and cried. All day I felt embarrassed, weak and inefficient. I felt like Little ME was expecting me to do something and I didn't know what to do, but stew. It wasn't until I was in bed that I was able to let out a rather combustible FU. As if that would fix anything. I can't say I really felt any better, but I did go to sleep.

What I was not understanding was how some people just barge right in and say anything they feel like. Is that an attribute I should strive for? Is that being assertive? Even if the "anything" said is not necessarily mean, and might be said to help not hurt, I still don't get it.

So here's what the universe is putting in my path today:

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart
so you can become bitter and give up.
They happen to break you down and
build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."
Charles, "Tremendous" Jones,
via The Daily Truth

the goal can't be just to get thru them.
the goal has to be to get thru them while strengthening the heart.
getting thru them and keeping our potential in mind. not losing site of who we want to be.
using them as some kinda tools. soul shaping tools.
and if we can't get that far with them, at the very least,
not letting them take the goodness out of our hearts.
Terri St. Cloud on today's

Yesterday I fought off the urge to apologize for something I'm not even sure I did.
Today I think I'll take Little ME's hand and use the energy fueled by anger to skip around the house. I haven't skipped in a long time and it uses up more calories than sitting in a chair watching HGTV, which for some reason, I've started watching. If asked why, I'd probably have to answer, a la George Mallory*, "because it's there."

Today I'm grateful for a husband who might not understand me, but says nice things like "go ahead and cry it out, maybe you'll feel better." I'm grateful for an opportunity to learn new behavior. And I'm grateful that the air was way less heavy with humidity than it has been. I may have even felt a slight breeze.

Wishing for you a circle of people that say nice things,
Merry ME

* I always attributed this quote to Sir Edmund Hillory. Live and learn!


terri said...

sorry you got hurt, mar. glad you're skippin' with your little one. that has got to help!

oh and look at this! that little word verification thing? it says 'caring' cool!

i definitely am sending my caring....

Cinderella said...

So sorry that someone was an insensitive asswipe, Merry! Grrr.

Cruel people usually are bullies.
Don't strive to be like that, although at first it seems tempting.

Know instead that this is a beacon for what you DON'T want to be like.
Embrace your goodness.
Their nastiness is about them, and not you.