Monday, June 17, 2013

Connecting with Carolyn

I guess Father's Day and the lack of a father got to me more yesterday than I thought. I started twice to write a post about fathers. When interrupted I didn't go back to them. And I'll be honest all those daughter and Dad photos on FB made me feel like a little kid sitting on the edge of the sidewalk pouting cause she wasn't picked to be on anyone's team.  I don't think it was overt pouting, more like an icky feeling under the surface percolating. Feeling resentful of people who still have dads is about as childish as it gets, don't you think?

Ahhh, childish. Now I get it. As I was typing out the word childish, I had a vision of Carolyn sitting alone and feeling sad.  Well, I'm just going to have to do something about that.

Come, dear girl, sit on my lap. Let me hold you and rock you and snuggle up close.
No we don't have our Daddy here anymore.
And it's scary and sad.
Here's what we do have.
Memories.
Yeh, I know some of those memories are scary and sad too but let's not go there tonight.

What's something you remember that makes you smile about Dad?
 How he liked to drive down to Huguenot Park and watch the waves slap against the beach.
Or what about that time we went to Red Lobster and he ordered a lobster in honor of mama, and ate the whole thing!
And that time he sat at the Veteran's Wall in his wheelchair. Remember how we left him alone with his thoughts and watched him as he read off names. I doubt he knew anyone whose name was on that wall. But he had so many other names to remember. I wonder if it was like a news real going backwards the way they used to do at the movie theaters.
Much as it drove me crazy, I smile when I think of Dad's plans and preparations.
He didn't say it often, but he was proud of us.
He loved us in his own way.
Don't cry, Sweetheart. We're going to be okay.
How about we go walk the dog?

I noticed how writing this made me feel better.
Merry ME



2 comments:

Marilyn said...

Beautiful message, Mary. I still miss my father, and he died when I was six years old. Maybe we never stop missing them. I remember more with feelings than with visual scenes. Mostly it's being held, loved and comforted.
I love your thoughts in this post. It tells a lot.

AkasaWolfSong said...

Father's Day tends to be very bittersweet for me to Mary...I did much as you...started to put up a post and things got in the way and then I just never did but that didn't stop me from visiting the 'good' things about my Daddy.
I chose to leave the other 'stuff' in the past.
I love how you've shared here...it brought a tender smile to my heart (((Sister of Mine!)))