Embrace The Suck

Photo by John "Green is cool and friendly like ... and I think it's what I want to be." Kermit the Frog Several years ago when I lived in San Diego I had a green moment. Like an "ah ha" moment that Oprah talks about - that moment when a lightbulb goes off in your head and you see things with perfect clarity - only it was green. I'd lived well over thirty years, but for some reason I'd never really noticed or paid much attention to the color green. On that particular Spring day, I rounded a corner and viewed before me a vast landscape painted in what appeared to be a crayon box full of shades of green. I'd never seen so many variations on the green theme. It was stunning. It was spectacular. Since that day, when I think of Spring, I think of green. Green that is so much more than just a back drop for bright spring blossoms. One of the first things I think of when I consider the color green is Kermit the Frog. Mostly because Kermit green is a favorite ...

"As the sun shines on upon my heart, so may my heart shine upon others!" The Upanishads I haven't been writing much lately. I could blame it on all the painting and furniture re-arranging. Or I could say I'm too busy getting back in the groove of dad-sitting. These are truths as well as excuses. An even deeper truth is that I feel like my words have dried up. I've tried to write, Nothing works. The fact that Spring has sprung and my blog friends are either soaking up Nature's newly green bounty, or writing about how they are spring cleaning both their homes and hearts also has me feeling stuck. I don't have any deep thoughts about the weather or my circumstances. Sweetie and I got a card in the mail today congratulating us on our marriage. As I read the note, I realized that not having a lot to say is one thing, not saying thank you is just poor manners. So many people held me tight in their circle of love during one of the hardest times in my life, and w...

"One never knows what one is going to do. One starts a painting and then it becomes something quite different." Pablo Picasso I have just finished putting the second coat of primer on 3 walls in my bedroom. Even before this month's hullabaloo, I'd been thinking I was ready to change the dark, mossy green walls of my "cave" into something lighter and brighter. I was thinking yellow. Sweetie nixed that before giving it even a cursory bit of consideration. When I painted the room four years ago, I figured a dark color would cover just about anything. What I didn't know was that it can take at least two if not three coats of paint for a good coverage. Of course that could have as much to do with the expertise of the painter as it does the quality of paint. Now I'm discovering the same is true of covering over a dark color. I guess that makes sense. Especially since the color I finally decided on is none other than your basic, apartment Navajo White. I ...

Flowers by Wilson's Inc. $50.00 Wedding rings from Walmart $100.00 Sleeping in my own bed with my husband and cat(s) Priceless! Sitting with Dad last night as he settled into bed, I couldn't help but wonder if I was just waking up from a bad dream. Everything around us looked the same, yet how could we possibly be the same inside after all that was said and done? I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned from the experiences of the past three weeks. I know I should be replaying the tapes in my head to get a handle on what happened so it doesn't happen again. Perhaps in the days ahead I'll be able to do that. Right now I'm relaxing into the feeling of being "home," getting my bearings and trying to breathe at a kinder, gentler rate. We've agreed to some changes which will mean moving furniture up and down and all around. This provides as good an opportunity as any to freshen the paint in a few rooms and perhaps continue to de-clutter. There will be ...

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." Barbara De Angelis I'm not sure where to start so I'll just jump right in. Romeo and Juliet got married yesterday. For those of you who have been following the story you might ask, well why didn't you do that a long time ago. The only answer I can give is that either by Divine orchestration or blind luck, things finally fell into place. Getting married - in the eyes of God - was the right thing to do. In the midst of all the turmoil of the past weeks, I was given the name of a minister in a small town a couple of hours South of here who would consider marrying us in the church, thus bypassing the state licensing and losing my military insurance benefits. Pastor Prevatt told Sweetie, when it comes to God's law or man's law, he'll go with God every time. It sounded good to us. It was raining when we got ...

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Alexander Graham Bell Over at my friend Molly's blog she is working on a creative project that involves photographing doors. I don't usually spend a lot of time looking at doors. After all they are just a way to get in or out of a place. Yet, like anything else if one pays attention, one can find a world of beauty in simple every day objects. Needing to wrap my confused mind around something besides my life's drama, my father's health, Romeo's pulled muscle and finding a new home, I tried looking at doors as I drove down streets in an old Victorian neighborhood. Not easily done. I looked some but didn't try to take any photos. This morning I was finally able to make contact with a lady at the hospital where I donate some of the Guild of the Christ Child layettes. Again, driving down an older, more...

" True love is one of the rarest jewels of life, treasure it with all your heart. When you find someone who loves you just as you are, is steadfast during moments of stress, willing to grow with you and allows you to feel however you choose to feel in any moment - there is nothing more you will ever find in a person. You've found True Love when you feel fear; fear of vulnerability, fear of abandonment and fear of letting go of your own stubborn egoic patterns that keep the real you separate and safe from the other. Trust in love and go towards your fear, taking this leap of faith in every moment is the journey Love requires for its sweet reward." Mastin Kipp, founder of TDL. TDL - Wisdom with Style March 10th, 2010 While Romeo laid in bed under the influence of tendon relaxing meds, I left the Homestead and drove around town to look at apartments. I started out in conversation with Tyrone the floral designer who gave me a tulip to see how quickly it would open when take...

The original R&J were teenagers, I think. (At this point I should probably admit that I am not sure I ever read the play. I may have read Cliff Notes which were way shorter and easier to understand. I am sure, however, I have seen Franco Zefferli's movie version. If I tried I might even be able to hum its theme song. So a lot of what I say about the Shakespeare version is going to come from Wikipedia or my own imagination!) As teenagers, R&J were agile enough to climb up balconies, stay up late and get around town a whole lot easier than if they'd been, in their 60's living in an efficiency room and sharing a car. Balcony climbing agility is something my Romeo lacks. Yesterday was proof. Last week I spent the morning in the ER making sure I was not having a heart attack. Today, Sweetie drove himself (as I was on duty with the sleeping Luther) to the same emergency room even though he was suffering from a possible fracture of his femur. I think I mentioned in a previ...

“ Drawing from traditional Buddhist wisdom, Pema teaches us that only one approach to suffering is of lasting benefit, moving toward painful situations with friendliness and curiosity, relaxing into the essential groundlessness of our entire situation. There, in the midst of chaos, we can discover the truth and love that are indestructible.” When Things Fall Apart (Heart Advice for Difficult Times) Pema Chodron It was a daunting task that faced my Sweetie this morning. Gently trying wake the sleeping bear (ME) at 6am. He's an early riser, an up an at 'em kind of guy who greets the dawn with a giant mug of coffee touched off with a shot of French Vanilla creamer. Since we've been in this small living space he's been respectful of my sleeping in tendencies. It's the damned coffee pot that does me no favors. Drip. Drip. Drip. Hisssss. Drip. Drip. Drip. There is a reason the Chinese use dripping water as a method of torture. Or at least an alarm clock. Could be one an...

My Sweetie has erased all his previous blogs and started another. He's got a lot to write also these days. Please go to the blogs I follow list on my sidebar and click on "heartfelt." This man of mine needs a lot of support right now and I can't think of anyone better to lend a hand than my dear blog friends. Merry ME

"If I ever think I am alone in the world, would you just wake me up and tell me I am being irrational? Tell me to look for the winking God who appears all over the place when I am looking for Him." Divine Caroline ** ... Yesterday, Jack and I went back to the scene of the crime - Dad's house; home that was no longer home. The neighborhood just happened to be holding a joint garage sale this weekend which proved to be good timing for us. That is, if there is good timing for such a thing. I've never really been much into garage sales - going through other people's trash looking for treasures. I've always just given stuff to goodwill to get whatever parting needs to be done get over quickly. We got to the house by 7am. Another something that is far from my comfort zone. Jack, who unlike me is a garage sale veteran, soon had tables lined with books, cds, and video tapes set up in an orderly fashion. He had household items in one area, bikes in another, garage too...

... or in our case, The Story of Jack and Mary. Chapter 1 "... stony limits cannot hold love out." William Shakespeare Romeo & Juliet, Act II, Scene 2 Usually chapter one means starting at the beginning. Instead I'm going to start in the middle. Depending on what date we pick to celebrate our anniversary Jack, aka Sweetie, and I have been a couple for just over 6 years. A lot has happened in that time. I'm not in the mood to go back to the start of what brought us together. Suffice it to say, one day, while taking a break from Cinderella duties, I checked my Match.com account for what was to be the last time. Much to my surprise and delight I had a message from a possible prince and things progressed from there. We still have a way to go before we say a final goodbye while, "... and they lived happily ever after" and the end credits roll at the the movie of our life. One of my writing buddies told the group a few weeks ago that even a short piece must ...

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me." - Ann Landers (Belief Net) There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance. St. Paul I Corinthians 13:7 (gratefullness.com) "There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go." - Richard Bach , is a best-selling author. (The Daily Love) "If you let it, life can become a simple pattern of staying in your comfort zone and never wandering out into the unknown to see what lies on the other side of its horizon. Today is Monday, the first day of the week; change your patterns, even slightly today, so that a new world can find you. Do ONE thing that scares you today, ONE thi...