Sunday, March 7, 2010

Romeo & Juliet, continued ...

"If I ever think I am alone in the world,
would you just wake me up and tell me I am being irrational?
Tell me to look for the winking God
who appears all over the place when I am looking for Him."
Divine Caroline **





... Yesterday, Jack and I went back to the scene of the crime - Dad's house; home that was no longer home. The neighborhood just happened to be holding a joint garage sale this weekend which proved to be good timing for us. That is, if there is good timing for such a thing. I've never really been much into garage sales - going through other people's trash looking for treasures. I've always just given stuff to goodwill to get whatever parting needs to be done get over quickly.

We got to the house by 7am. Another something that is far from my comfort zone. Jack, who unlike me is a garage sale veteran, soon had tables lined with books, cds, and video tapes set up in an orderly fashion. He had household items in one area, bikes in another, garage tools along the edge of the driveway. My sister set up her shell crafts. I wandered from place to place trying to get a feel for what price went with what item.

Like a new day filled with expectation and promise we priced, on the high side, parts of our lives that have filled rooms with meaning. With the goal of scaling down to bare bones minimum we dropped our prices as the morning wore on. Jack had kept a wad of bills in his pocket, I kept my eye on the clock.

When was the sun going to rise high enough in the sky to warm us up? Was Dad up yet? Did he need breakfast?For years now my life has been dictated by Dad's daily schedule. I'm not sure what to do with myself when not living on Dad's time.

The hours passed in slow motion; my mind continued to move as if stuck on fast forward. I tried to greet potential buyers with a welcoming smile. Jack's sales pitch - make me an offer - had a more positive ring to it than my, how about a quarter. By noon we were not sold out but had cleared out quite a bit. We were both tired. Jack's hips hurt. We called it a day and piled the remains back in boxes. Thinking back over my life, I can't even count the number of times I've packed all my belongings into boxes. Even when I looked forward to new horizons, knowing my life could be reduced to a roomful of cardboard boxes was depressing. The flip side of that, I know, is that when the movers deposit the same compliment of cardboard and newsprint in the middle of your new living room it can be a little like Christmas morning. Right now I can't quite work up that kind of excitement.

I did spend some time with my father. He reiterated that he still loves me. He is sure that there is Divine purpose in this whole mess. I want to believe the same thing. But I can't conjure up a divine being who, in the name of love, can disrupt lives of perfectly good people. So I change the idea around a little. I don't think God caused the grief. Instead I have faith that He/She/Spirit/Love is here in the midst to bless each of the shell-shocked members of my family ,which like it or not includes Jack, with peace in the middle of it all.

Faith ... which is where I was going when I started this post. In some of my posts last year I talked about God winks. Those times when you get a "sign" or a feeling that the higher power you believe in sends you a message in a way you'd least expect but cannot deny.

This morning I awoke in a panic. My insides quivered. I would have stayed in the bed and covered my head except that I'd been there way too long already. I tried something different. I got up, showered and dressed, then picked up my camera and went for a walk. The first picture I took was of the Homestead sign at the entrance of our temporary domicile. I saw a robin, one of my animal totems, and tried to get close enough for a photo. The bird was much quicker than me. I continued to walk, not long or far but moving. I began to hear all the birds, not just the robins. Ducks on the pond, mockingbirds and even a blackbird joined together in a kind of Sunday morning hymn fest. I joined by humming a few verses of a favorite hymn:

"Holy, holy! Lord God Almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee."

By that time I was back to where I began, in front of the Homestead sign. This time when I glanced at it, I noticed not the name of the hotel but the decorative cross over the words. Check it out:


It is exactly like the cross I wear almost every day. I bought it a year or so ago because it reminded me of tulips. In each individual flower it looks to me like there are 3 petals. The trinity perhaps? I touched my cross. I gazed at the cross. I listened to the birds. I walked back to the room feeling lighter, less alone. I hugged my Sweetie, then asked him if he believes in signs. When I showed him my necklace and the pictures, he smiled at me and agreed. God had just winked at us.

I know this is a really, really long post, and all over the place. I gotta get this stuff out of my head. It's not going any place so you don't read it all in one sitting.

Wishing for you enough awareness of your surroundings to notice when God winks,

Merry Me

**http://divinecaroline.com/22198.29441-godwinks First published, May 2007

5 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

Haven't got time this morning to do anything but check that you're ok. Should be in the shower getting ready for work.
But will check out sweetie later.
Sending you a massive bunch of tulips surrounded by robins across the pond!
xx

terri said...

hey, keep on posting....it's so good to see you here!

Qn Dani said...

ahhhhh.....

a beautiful way to start day 8 of MerryME month!!

surrounded by love, birds, tulips, crosses and God winks.

love the god winks!!

AkasaWolfSong said...

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty...brings such greatness to the morning as you've stated...and in that moment or God Wink...you moved Merry! You moved, you thought, you worked towards that which is still unseen but how awesome is that?

I think every experience we walk through is a sacred contract we write with the Divine before we ever come to Earth..so your Father may have something in his thought ... even though he precipitated it, your soul agreed with it, for the experience, the lesson.

Your embracing of it by moving even when it hurts means the 'light' of it will come to you Beloved...

Trust your intuition and your instincts and you will be the victor..as will Jack.

I think you are sooo beautiful!

Pamela Jones said...

Boxes. What you have to show for your life can't fit in any box of any size. Maybe what is happening is that your life is being un-boxed as your possessions go into storage. I like that your temporary digs are called Homestead. Finding your home without a place that identifies it is a marvelous gift. Wink!