Sunday, March 18, 2012

Here I sit on the eve of my 60th birthday, wondering why this decade feels like it lasted 100 years instead of just 10. I have a favorite picture taken when I turned 50. My mom, my daughter and me are standing in the living room looking not just happy, but birthday happy. There was some tough stuff going on with my daughter then, and my mother would only live for a few more months. But there we are smiling from deep down inside.

I made a pretty big deal out of turning 50. I threw myself a party and let Little ME be the center of attention. It was a grand time. Tomorrow will be a much quieter turn of the calendar page. I don't know why, just not feeling the whole party thing. That is not to say that I'm not digging a day of celebrating Merry Me. If you feel like singing happy birthday or raising a glass in my honor then please do. If you feel like sleeping in late or eating a piece of cake as part of my celebration, I say go for it. But what I'd really like is for you to smile at a stranger, leave an extra dollar in a tip jar, put a pretty flower on your desk, jump for joy, say a prayer for peace, dance a little, take a bubble bath, read a book, write a note to someone just to say hi, call your mother, or sister, or daughter, or someone you love more than life itself and tell them that, hold a baby, pet a cat, take a walk with a dog, see if you can still skip, have some ice cream, listen to some birds, take a photograph, stick your toes in the ocean, look for fairies, have a Coke, get a facial, polish your nails with a sparly shade of purple, color, talk to a child, and when the day is almost over go outside, look up and make a wish on the first star you see. Because, I think believe we are all connected in a way I can't begin to fathom, I also believe if you do any or all of these things for yourself or others, I will be blessed and know that I am celebrated.

It feels weird to have a birthday without having parents to share it with. My Dad used to shake his head at me as if I were a goof ball when I got all excited about a birthday - like after a certain age, say 6, one shouldn't need to draw attention to herself. But I remember 2 things that helped me keep on celebrating. One, was how excited Dad's mother, my grandmother, would get on her birthday. She lived to be 96 and I dare say she enjoyed her birthdays right up until she just couldn't enjoy anything anymore because of the pain she lived with. And the 2nd is that no matter how much my dad poopooed my childlike antics he got a kick out of them. I could tell by the way he smiled when he thought I wasn't looking. We had a lot of differences, my dad and I. But our hearts often spoke to each other in words neither of us could say.

I'm not done missing my parents. I wish they were here to see me blow out the candles on my cake. Since that isn't going to happen, I think I'll take some of my own advice and do a few things on that list above. Each time sending my eyes heavenward and giving thanks to the two who gave me life and the One that created the goofy, loving, worth celebrating girl I am.

May all your wishes come true,
Merry ME


terri said...

happy birthday, ms. mar!! celebrating you today from over here! and so glad i know you!

Melissa said...

Happiest of Happy Birthdays to you Mary!

Know that there are many people who will be celebrating because of you today! :)

AkasaWolfSong said...

Happy Birthday Mary!!!

I will celebrate your birthday painting my nails pink for girls, eat a brownie with strawberry ice cream on it (with a candle for you of course) and then tonight just before I fall asleep I'll slip quietly outside and the first star I see I'm making a wish that you have many more beautiful birthdays, and I'll thank Herself for giving all of us a Beautiful Sister such as You!

(((I Love You!!!)))

Carol O'Dell said...

Happy (late) b'day.
I know your parents aren't here to celebrate your birth.
You are. And all those who love you.
When I was younger I used to "sit back" and wait for my loved ones to honor my day or birth--but the truth was, I was sort of waiting for them to forget/screw it up...and then i had a turnaround. It's my day and my birth. I SHOULD be the one celebrating. I get to be on this planet. I get to live and laugh and love.
so now I celebrate May. My birth month. I buy me gifts :) I plan lunches with friends and long bike rides.
And today, I am celebrating with you,dear friend. You are such a gift to ME.