Other than the thought of some guy coming at your nether regions with a long tube and a camera, the problematic thing about this test is the prep. Once you've eaten nothing but broth and Jello for 24 hours and drunk enough "go lightly" to make you think your stomach will explode , and then the broth, Jello, go juice and what feels like the lower half of your colon come spewing out of your bottom the exam itself is a, shall I say, a piece of cake! And besides they give you enough sleep medication to knock you out to the point that you really don't care what's happening down there.
I can say that because I was not the person having the procedure done. No, I am the person who up until a few years ago swore she would never consent to such indecencies, and made other people swear they'd a)hide her in a safe house until the doctor forgot about her or b)put her out to pasture rather than make her have the test. Now that I am no longer a "virgin" I try to be as supportive of my loved ones as I would have them be of me.
Yesterday I may have failed in this endeavor. I may have made a joke or two at a certain someone's expense. And I admit it was bordered on cruelty to eat Beach Road fried chicken in front of him when all he could eat was un-naturally flavored chicken broth. In my defense, we had company. They had to eat. It was a toss up whether to be mad or laugh at a certain someone whose inner 2 year old grabbed a biscuit, covered it in chicken gravy and looked at me with defiant eyes, as if to dare me to say anything. What could I say?? It's his colon not mine.
But here's the deal. As bad as colonoscopies, pap smears, mammograms, and other lookie-loo tests are, they are not as bad as having cancer. My certain someone knows this. I know it. And so do you. I've changed my mind. I no longer want to be put out to pasture. When the time comes around again (sooner rather than later because a family history of polyps) I'll do my best to drink the cocktail and act like a big girl. I'm not saying I won't complain, or whine, or make everyone else around me aware of my discomfort. Hell that's half the fun!
And when that time comes, I hope the person waiting to drive me home is surrounded by reading material and magazines better than my choices today. Since this was a VA clinic it would not have surprised me to find a Soldier of Fortune magazine, or an Army/Navy Times. What I found, instead, was a newspaper dated last Friday, as well as outdated issues of Popular Mechanics, Salt Water and Camping Life. Most intriguing to me, however, were Western Mule and Moose periodicals (Two separate titles!). Who knew there was enough information about either subject to have ongoing magazines written about them. Apparently there is a lot of interest in Muling. In fact, if you are anywhere near Shelbyville, TN in the coming weeks, you might want to plan on attending the 19th Annual Great Celebration Mule and Donkey Show.
It's a great big world out there folks. It's not all doom and gloom. Anything billed as a "great celebration" has got to run a close second to the greatest show on earth! Only with mules, not elephants!
Wishing for a cornucopia of fruit flavored Jello,
FYI: Of cancers that affect both men and women, colorectal cancer is the second leading cancer killer in the United States, but it doesn't have to be. If everybody aged 50 or older had regular screening tests, as many as 60% of deaths from colorectal cancer could be prevented.