Embrace The Suck

What do woodpeckers, smiles and Ellen have in common? The way you feel after you've seen them.   I missed posting on day 30. I was going to write about the woodpecker I noticed on the bird feeder 2 days ago. The feeder is set so that if a bigger bird or squirrel or other critter gets on the bar, it closes off the access to the food. Well this gymnastic woodpecker was able somehow to get around this small inconvenience. He held onto the bar lightly with his tiptoes (claws?), did a backwards turn and reached his long woodpecker beak into the seed trough. I tried to get picture but of course, he was camera shy.  Yesterday, I was able to click a quick photo. Alas, I had to shoot through the screen, zoom in to the point of blurry and was looking into the sun. You can see a red speck but not the bird's athletic prowess. It doesn't quite have the same affect as the real thing. ____ Thursday is the day I set aside a few hours to visit with my senior friend. The onset...

Sweetie has been a Guardian Ad Litem for 4 years. He's seen some things that would make your hair stand on end. He's seen some sad stories with happy endings. Tonight I noticed the sparkle in Sweetie's eye as he told me about the adoption of a brother and sister - 3 and 6 years old respectively. He told me how it felt to have his legs hugged by kids whose lives have been turned around. He told me about the smile on the new mother's face. It wasn't an easy road to get to today's celebration. Thank goodness there are lawyers, social workers, foster parents and GAL's who work to put the jigsaw puzzle pieces of broken lives back together. The thought of two little kids with a new last name makes my heart smile, Merry ME

Upon making the bed this morning, I noticed there is about a 3 inch gap between the mattress and headboard. Hmmm, that wasn't there the last time I made the bed. I know this because I have a hard time fitting my hand in the (old) space to pull the wrinkles out. It became clear that a certain man with blue eyes whom I love dearly moved the mattress when put the clean sheets on the bed. He also moved the wicker chest I had in the bathroom which is no big deal except Girl Cat can no longer reach the sink. It's little things like this that make noticing fun. I have found I'm actually paying more attention to things, which is the point of the exercise I believe. ___ I don't know about you but pansy's always perk me up. They remind me of my Grammy's camp in Vermont. I can't quite see them in my mind's eye anymore, but I associate the purple and yellow with a summer's stay at the lake.  I remember how Dad used to plant pansy's out front, under th...

Today I noticed how the azalea bushes in the neighborhood have begun to blossom.  So pretty. Merry ME

"You can find pictures anywhere. It's simply a matter of noticing things and organizing them. You  just have to care about what's around you and have a concern with humanity and the human comedy." Elliott Erwitt Before going to my first OPH (Old Person Helper) assignment yesterday I asked Sweetie if the division of labor was going to change. Actual "labor" being taken with a teeny spoonful of salt.   "Of course," my blue-eyed Type A husband responded. "I'll vacuum, dust, change the bed do the laundry and figure something out for dinner." Good God that sounds like more than I do in a day. I told him I'd bring home a pizza. Four hours on the job after taxes would just about cover the cost of two pizzas.  I'm sworn to confidentiality so it's going to be hard to use my OPHing experience as fodder for my blog/great American novel. That said, if every job goes like the first, it might make for a prize wi...

I noticed today how comforting two small words can be. "I understand." Thanks, Molly. Merry ME

Today I noticed this on a friends blog: It goes right along with my previous post. See Day 20 below. Since I unexpectedly seem to be throwing my hat into the ring, or application form as the case may be, I decided to sign up. I think the rules are pretty simple. Write something everyday and put it in the post. Anyone else out there who likes snail mail? Sunny D? Here's a good chance to put those #2 pencils to good use! If you're interested go here . ___ So today was my hiring session. Basically that means signed my name on a lot of papers. I have been electronically fingerprinted, had my picture taken, and agreed NOT to be involved with 2.5 pages of offenses like theft, murder, kidnapping, drug use/sales, gun smuggling, or child porn while at work. I learned how to wash my hands to prevent the spread of infectious diseases. The good news is  the procedure hasn't changed that much since I was in nursery school. I'm pretty sure I got a gold star. There are a co...

Today I noticed paw prints in cement Johnson left to dry. Seems the neighbor's cat who likes to come pee on things in our yard decided to take a short cut - going through the cement instead of around. This is one of my all time favorite pictures of John. I think he was about four, maybe five years old. I don't remember now what he created. I don't think that is as important as the look of concentration on his face. You can't see his face in the pictures below, but he is every bit as focused on his work. It's true - you can take the mud out of the boy but can't take the boy out of the mud.   When the tree stood sentinel over the front yard, Dad insisted there would be no sidewalk. The roots grew willy nilly under the cement block walkway. A sidewalk would be nothing but cracked pieces of concrete. As soon as the tree was gone Johnson had a vision for what the front of the house would look like. I confess, although he's explained it...

I used to work for a man who had an Type A personality. Or maybe you'd just call him controlling. Not so much a misogynist as a cracker from a small Florida fork in the road. You know the kind that like to keep the little lady barefoot and pregnant. He was all about driving big trucks, dressing in camouflage, spending time in deer stands, learning new turkey calls, Bear Bryant, the Marine Corps and his mama's chicken 'n dumplings. He was always pretty sure of himself. Until he misplaced something. Then he called upon my woman's keen sense of retrieval, as if I were one of his hunting hounds. Sweetie will, of course, guffaw at such a statement. But remember this was a few years and a lot of brain cells ago.  So when he would lose something, he'd get all crazy, throwing papers around, opening drawers, etc. Just about the time I thought he was going to bust a gusset, he'd stop, take a deep breath and say, "It's okay. I've just got to panic first....

 I noticed two things today. I got a call this morning from an HR person at a company called Senior Helpers. A couple of weeks ago I was riding this strange high about rejoining the caregiving community. My soul's knowing place spoke up and nudged me into giving it a voice. I talked to Sweetie about it. I talked to my senior friend about it, to my writing group and my priest friends. Everyone agreed. I'm not psychotic. Listening to my heart is different from hearing voices. I toyed with the idea of starting my own business. I also thought it would be good to investigate some caregiving and schools.  I filled out an online application. I felt confident, secure, brave.  When I got the call for an interview I agreed to work for $8.00 an hour, even though it seems like a paltry fee. But I've got to start somewhere. Even though I may have a bunch of experience, I don't have any credentials, certificates, or references.  And with that little tiny opening crack of insec...

Tonight I noticed how easily music can trigger a flow of tears I thought I had dammed up. I attended a concert put on by Jacksonville University Music department students. Donations collected were earmarked for Sandy Hook.  I cried through most of it. Still tear up just thinking about it.   It didn't help that I read this blog by my friend Velya at Chica Peeps before the concert. May songs and prayers and even a few tears wash away the fear of children everywhere. Merry ME

"...But a writer's desk always tells the truth about the person who works there. So if you really want to know about who I am ... take a look at my desk. " Eyre Price* I have a desk. Quite a lovely desk across from Sweetie, in the room we call the office. The problem is I've run myself out of it. It's cluttered. Claustrophobic. Intimidating. Like one must work there, not create, i.e. play. So I moved my computer into the den. My desk is now my lap. There's lots of light, the TV if I want it, the stereo if I want that. I'm next to the kitchen, to better hear the call of chocolate chip cookies. I can see out the living room window. Admittedly, without the trees this is not the view it once was, but it is a view. And I have lots of flat surfaces on which to put things. "Then there's the joy of getting your desk clean,  and knowing that all your letters are answered, and you can see the wood on it again."  ~Lady Bird Johnso...

"15. The Sweaters. Every one of the cardigans he wore on the show  had been hand-knit by his mother."* I will sure be glad when(if) I stop having to deal with waves of heat that come from nowhere, with no warning or apology, and engulf me like a Saharan sirocco.  If my mother was any example, even the hottest woman will one day fend off a chill by wearing a light sweater in the middle of summer.  I keep my fingers crossed. My father had a thing about changing the air conditioner thermometer. He demanded it be kept at an even 78. Anything above 78 and the air would come on. Aytnhing below, the heat. 78 seemed to suit him perfectly. Not too hot. Not too cold. He was  just right. He had little sympathy for his estrogen-deprived daughters until the year before he died. We were all here at the same time. Make no mistake, there is power in numbers. Dad conceded to a brisk 2 degree drop.   In his later years Dad never went anywhere without a few tissues in...

During one of my recent marathons to organize the garage so I wouldn't have to clean the house, I decided to hang a dry erase board near the stairs so John and I can leave messages for one another.  Mac 'n cheese in the fridge. Suzi out for an hour. That sort of thing. The small spot right at the end of the shelf that holds laundry supplies looked like the perfect place. Except for one thing. The pencil sharpener. I don't know when my father put up that old fashioned thing with a hand crank that ate as many #2 yellow pencils as it ever sharpened.  I do know it looks like something Thomas Jefferson might have used to sharpen his quills while writing the Declaration of Independence. I don't know the last time the thing was emptied of all its shavings, but something could have fossilized in there. Let's just say, conservatively, it's been there since the JFK was President. I hung the board and tied a pen to it even though the pencil sharpener makes writing on h...

[ I know it looks like I'm cheating, but I really did have this post written yesterday, I just forgot to proof and post. Forgeting. The story of my life. me] "Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted - a paved road or a washing machine? Ir you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul." Rabbi Harold Kushner Today I noticed the wind.  Not a brisk wind but a gentle breeze that barely ruffled the leaves.  I first felt it when helping Johnson pour concrete as part of "the best sidewalk that ever was" project. I know nothing about sidewalk making, but he needed an extra pair of hands so I volunteered mine. We are having an uncommonly warm winter. (I'm whispering because I don't want the God for all Seasons to hear and bring on a winter storm with cold air in that will freeze the orchids and baby ...

At writing group tonight, I took note of just how comfortable I feel with these ladies who love the same things I do - words, books, and good pens. I also noted that they eat a lot healthier than I do - apple/kale/spinach smoothies, sauerkraut, and rutabagas. While all those vegetables may not be my cup of tea, I have to admit I'm pretty darn impressed with the determined dedication with which they are going about losing weight and getting fit.  I was glad I didn't order a chocolate croissant for dessert.  In an exercise we did, I noticed that if I want to continue calling myself a writer, then I really need to get more serious about it. If I can't trust myself or believe in myself, then I need  want to trust others whose opinions I value. I need  want to believe in myself. I need  want to be better disciplined. Perhaps taking the shoulds and needs out of the equation will make me feel less rebellious and more willing to please.  I go to be...

Just before going to bed last night, I realized I hadn't paid enough attention to my surroundings to have "noticed" much of anything except how bloody tiring it is to vacuum, mop, and do laundry all in one day. Then I stepped outside with Suzi as she did her final sniff of the perimeter. I looked up and saw puffy, white clouds against a dark sky. And then when I squinted, I noticed one teeny tiny star peeking around the edge of a cloud. I ran in to get my camera.  The fancy camera that has a setting for taking pictures at night. I guess maybe it was too dark. If you look real close, that tiny little speck is the star, not dust on your screen. Since it wasn't much of a picture and I was already half-way to the bedroom, I decided not to post it until today. You didn't miss much! Star light, Star bright, first star I see tonight .... I have no idea what this is. Perhaps a paranormal experience?  The ghost of Luther looking for his trees? ...

 More Baby Shower Pictures It made me happy to walk in the fellowship hall and see it all over again.  As I was coming out of the grocery store tonight, I couldn't help but notice the color of the sky. Sky-Blue Pink By the time I got to the car and grabbed my camera ... It had turned to Sky-Blue Orange. Stunning.  Simply stunning. What have you noticed lately? Merry ME

The party was in full swing. All my efforts in the kitchen had come together; looked and tasted great (I say humbly). As the guests were stilled in creative concentration, I noticed the sweet laughter that broke into the quiet of the room. I sat while listening to others read. One of the guests, a boy about 3 years old, crawled into my lap. I noticed how good it feels to hold a child and sway back and forth. ___ Prayer flags for mothers all over the world. Special thanks to my artistic blog buddies who joined in the fun - Sage, Terri, Jeanne and Luminary. Going to bed tonight with a full heart, Merry ME

I'm been in the kitchen for most of the morning. Slicing. Chopping. Frying. Stirring. I noticed that even though I could never be considered a "great" cook, or a neat one, there is a certain creative rhythm I get into while in the kitchen.  Think the cleaning the kitchen scene in the Big Chill. Whether you circle around an island (table for me), open and close the refrigerator or make little bell sounds when a spoon hits a metal pot, the kitchen is made for dancing. Maybe that's why our Native American grandmothers began dancing around their camp fires. If you've ever scene these ladies dance, it is not like the gyration-filled,  hootin' and hollerin' of their male counterparts. The women go at a slow paced kind of a shuffle.  Their dance is one of quiet continuity - a woman's dance. I'm preparing for my church's annual Baby Shower which will take place tomorrow. In typical Merry Me fashion, in order for me to pull something like this off, ...

Is anyone counting? Does anyone realize I missed yesterday? I did notice something. Something big. So big I'm still processing it. You know how if you ask the God or the Universe or whoever you send prayer requests to and really want to see the answer written across the sky in a sparkly star cursive font with a lightening bold exclamation point, but what you usually get, if you are real quiet and sit real still, is a quiet little whisper like the wind tiptoeing through a Sycamore tree? Well yesterday I may have gotten more than I bargained for. It could be time for me to put away all my fears, step out in faith, and follow where my heart leads me. Believe me I did notice it. When God touches you on the shoulder and says, "Um, God here. You better pay attention cause I've got something exciting in store for you." At first I was too amped up to pay it much attention. My neighbor called me around nine o'clock in the morning and I was still half asleep (okay, I...

It's not that I didn't notice anything yesterday. I did. But I didn't get it posted. If you what I was busy doing instead, I don't think I could tell you.  But I wasn't so busy I couldn't be drawn to the beauty of the flowers in the front yard. Ever since the trees came down the yard has been in a perpetual state of repair - read pretty darn ugly. Brown patches in the grass. Big craters in the driveway. Mud everywhere.  I try not to look at it. John has a vision. He's shared it with Sweetie and me several times. I'll be honest. I can't quite get the picture in my mind. But let me tell you, that man child can do some manual labor. We'd be lost and broke without him. Need roots dug up? Call John Need a sidewalk shaped, readied and poured (including hauling 80 lb. bags of cement)? Call John. Need sod laid and watered? Yep, John's your man. He's even been taking care of some of the outdoor plants that I forgotten about. Like the orchi...

"He is a tall, grandly built man; she tall and delicate. Both are narrow-faced with long, imperial noses; as they pose for pictures, it is a turkey buzzard sharing companionably with an egret." Richard Ede Today I noticed birds. Notice would be the operative word, because whizzing down the freeway I couldn't really pay much attention. First I saw a blue heron. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. He had long legs and one of those necks that kind of rocks back and forth, and it was blue. Putting two and two together I made an educated guess. Mostly when you see these birds they are standing near some kind of water source meditating like a bird zen master. What caught my eye about this guy was he was clearly looking at the road as if sizing up his chances of getting to the other side. Couldn't help but ask, why did the blue heron cross the road? Not far down the road I noticed two buzzards sitting on a lamp pole. They weren't the king sized ...

This afternoon while waiting for Sweetie to check out at Wally World, I mosied around the empty - except for huge pallets of patio furniture - garden center. Actually, there were also bags of charcoal, a few measly herb plants and three racks of bicycle helmets, sans bicycles. Not your ordinary black or glitter pink helmets. These were helmets that looked like dinosaur, monster, or shark faces. If you put one on, say the shark face, and went riding down the street, it might look like Jaws had learned how to ride a bike and was coming after you. (Doesn't Jimmy Buffet sing about Land Sharks?) Well, you know I couldn't resist. First I tried on the cyclops eye ball. Then the shark face, then the dinosaur.  And yes, a few people chuckled as they passed me by. I was trying to scare Sweetie, but he just laughed.  Maybe you have to be under the age of 5 for these helmets to scare people. I noticed, while trying to get my adult-sized head into the child-sized helmet, that these pro...

Today I noticed a certain sense of well-being encircling me. Of course, I immediately started to analyze it. Where did it come from? How long will it last? This is January, how can I be feeling okay in January? Before I let myself talk me out of feeling good, I stopped the head chatter. I said a quick prayer of gratitude and let the feeling be there with no expectations, no rules, no ropes holding on to it. Merry ME

Today I noticed 2 dogs chasing each other. I was at a stop sign when I caught black fur whizzing around a swimming pool. Now I've seen dogs run before, no big deal, right? I think what made it noticeable was how much fun they were having. First they'd run to the right with Dog A in the lead. Then on some signal I could not detect, they'd switch directions so Dog B would be in the lead. I think if they'd been children there would have been laughing and squealing with delight - playground sounds before someone gets hurt. I also noticed for just an second, the swirl pattern in a clump of moss on a sidewalk. I tend to walk fast. My normal stride is probably longer than most, and I don't like to dilly dally. It's hard for me to stroll. I took Mary to the doctor today and couldn't park to close to the front door. She sort of shuffles her feet, with her cane out in front of her like a blind person. So when I'm walking hand in hand with her, I have to g-o  r-e...

Jo over at mrsmediocrity   has her own twist on a Year of Noticing. She calls it a Year of Ordinary Magic. I've been thinking about the two and see how similar they are. Can you have a year of magic without noticing the magic all around you?  I may just combine the two and have a year of noticing magic. I guess I'll have to see what evolves. Last night ABC news did a spot on how easily gas grills can blow up. Something I've always been afraid of, but did not know the extent of. Even if the flame goes out, the propane is still flowing out of the tank, and propane is lighter than air, so it settles in the area under the grill. When (if) you get close to the gas encircled grill with any kind of lighting device, you are apt to blow up the grill and very possibly yourself. FYI:  If you notice the flame has gone out, DO NOT try to light it again without turning off the gas, opening the cover and waiting at least five minutes or until you can't smell the gas anymore. While...

I've mentioned Alana Sheeren before. I'd followed her blog for a long time before I contacted her about doing some grief work together. It was one of those this blogger, knows that blogger, and that blogger knows me circles.  The first time I talked to Alana she said something that seemed to validate every bit of grieving I'd ever done. Yes, I thought to myself, she understands. It was a powerful moment for me and even if I got nothing else out of her tele-retreat (which is far from the truth) I finally understood how grief could make my bones hurt. Alana and I and others in that circle are all FaceBook friends.  I'm a rather slow learner, but after reading her posts for a few days in a row I realized Alana found something every day to celebrate. Imagine a year of celebrating - good things, bad things, happy things, and sad things. By turning routine events into celebrations it seemed to me that Alana was able to find meaning in things that might otherwise have gone ...