After a whole post around the word "ubiquitus" I thought I was on a roll; that I'd finish up the alphabet and this month of letter postings and be able to move on to .... what? Numbers?
I was scared that this was going to be my life from now on, and that by accepting it now, I was accepting it forever.
I was scared that if I sat still, thought too long, I’d realize it was a mistake, that this wasn’t what I wanted to do. I was scared I’d grow old and not have the life, the adventures, the memories and journeys I’d always dreamed of. "
I had an epi-fanny over the weekend. It became clear to me that the work I am doing - the caregiving, the ongoing mundane chores, the lack of solitude, the tunnelvision - is, in reality, my calling. I've been entrusted by the man upstairs with the care and feeding of a nonagenarian. I'm trying to look at my "v"ocation as a blessing not a curse. It's not always easy. Somedays, like O'Dell describes so perfectly, "A restlessness has built up inside you. You gotta get out. You can’t sit in that living room chair one more minute. You can’t scramble one more egg."
These are the days when a vacation looms large in my imagination. I've painted my room a dark green. It looks a little like a cave. But there's a bed, and some quilts, and a lot of my favorite things - books, photos, pillows. It's not "V"alhalla, but if I close my eyes, wave a sprig of lavender under my nose, or sprinkle sand in my sheets, perhaps I can pretend I'm on vacation.
Vacation venues to visit:
Key West [Photo by John]
The road less traveled [Photo by Wendy]
Surf's up! [Photo by John]
Tulip Heaven [Photo by Shannon]