Embrace The Suck

"We achieve inner health only through forgiveness -the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves." Joshua Loth Liebman I told a little bit of my version of the story. Father/Brother Georges said she's fragile. Fragile like fine crystal? Hard as tempered steel? Can one be both? Father/Brother Georges says healing will come with forgiveness. Not just of others. First you must forgive yourself. "Ahh," I said as a very dim light bulb began to glimmer. I thought back to all the people I've blamed for the problems in my life. I thought I'd made peace. What if peace isn't the same as forgiveness? Maya Angelou says, "you can't do better until you know better." I think the important people in my life did things the way they did because they didn't know any better. That knowledge deserves my forgiveness. It was their stuff. I thought about being a scared little girl and thinking the things that happened around me could somehow be...

I live in a neighborhood that was once a plantation owned by John Sammis. According to local history the tract of land was part of a Spanish grant to a man who established one of the "first water-powered sawmills in the county." In 1837 the operation of the the mills was turned over to Sammis, a New York ship builder, who in turn sold the property to a New Jersey religious group in 1873. There is some question about when the original Sammis residence was built, but it still sits at the end of my street. At the other end of the street is the plantation cemetery. When you're a kid growing up, having a cemetery on your block is cause for all sorts of scary stories about ghosts and boogie men. I used to walk through the overgrown foliage and wonder about the lives of the people who were buried there. To a white girl growing up in Florida in the days of separate bathrooms and water fountains, I tried to guess if the names on the headstones belonged to plantation gentry or slav...

2.) Larabee is one of the blogs I follow on a regular basis. LPC takes some awesome pictures. Lately she has also been posting poems by Hafiz (the most celebrated Persian poet) along with her pictures. Go ahead, check it out . I think a lot of her photos could also be listed under "peaceful easy feelings." Enjoy! ~me Trees by Alfred Joyce Kilmer* I THINK that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the sweet earth's flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray; A tree that may in summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. This is one of the oak trees that has been in our neighborhood, some say since the Civil War. I don't know if that's stretching the truth or not. It is not an exaggeration to say they have been around a lot longer than the homes or people...

"If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life." Bill Watterson 2.) Photo by Key West Johnny I had many thoughts about what I could get in the color green and ended up with this one. My first thought was tropical vegetation, and I liked this one the best. Hope you enjoy. 1.) I'm pretty sure this might come under the header of "cheating". I did take the picture but I took it last summer. It's springtime so I feel confident that I will have ample opportunity to photograph the color green in many of its awesome variations. But I have to tell you, I really like this photo. That frog is all about being green. ~me

" ... I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight with a billion stars all around 'cause I gotta peaceful easy feeling and I know you won't let me down 'cause I'm already standing on the ground ..." The Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling Merry Me Note: I'm changing the way I do things. I'm going to put NEW pictures at the top of the post instead of at the bottom. I'm hoping that will prevent me from having to fix the spacing every time I add something. 4. Here's Weneki's "peaceful" picture: This pic doesn't capture it, but it hints at the peaceful easiness that I sense when I see sleepy Lou in the room with me. He spends so much time in hiding, but sometimes he just can't help it and has to come make himself known and let himself go. He's got a fair amount of angst in his bones, but he sets it aside about once a day and I love witnessing it. 3. I'm not sure of the ethicacy of sharing someone else's blog pictures...

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." Maya Angelou 1. Hey wait a minute ... that's no bird! I hung a new feeder right outside my kitchen so I could enjoy the birds as they feast. I think it must be too close to the window, because except for a very brave - or hungry- nuthatch the feeder has been totally ignored. Until yesterday when the squirrels discovered it. I say squirrels, as in more than one, but I may be wrong. It may be just this acrobatic rodent that keeps coming back for more. You can't really tell because the I'm shooting from inside the house, through the window glass and screen, but this guy is holding on with his back feet as he gobbles up what he considers his fair share. 2. As you can tell by this picture I am not much of a wildlife photographer. I've found that in order to get a good picture, even with my zoom lens, I have to be almost right on top of my subject. Trouble is birds have a tendency...

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill Dad signed up for hospice care this week. Because he is not in the end stages of dying, it almost feels like "much ado about nothing." First there came an admitting nurse. She went over all the same information we'd already heard, asked the same questions, got long involved answers that we've got well rehearsed. The bottom line, Dad was assured that he would not be kicked out of the program if he didn't die on time or billed for services rendered, so he signed the papers. For me the hardest part was signing the DNR - Do Not Resuscitate Order. He already has advance directives in place, but you have to read close to see where it says don't try to revive him if he stops breathing. I pray I will know what to do -or not do- when the time comes. Yesterday, Bob, the Teal Team nurse came by to assess Dad's condition. Same questions, same answers. Same incredulous look on...

"The wide world is all about you; you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out. J.R.R. Tolkien 1. My sister Linda sent this picture along with this description: We have cows across the road from us, maybe about 20. Every Spring, that number almost doubles in a two week time with each of the mothers giving birth to one or two babies. Every time I drive by, I think I see a new little one laying next to his mama all curled up. Then, as they gain a little strength, they frolic. There is no better word than frolic, and all the little ones frolic back and forth while their mothers eat grass with one eye on the playing around them. Yesterday, many of them were gathered in a corner of the field right across from our driveway. I grabbed my camera and crossed the road to take a picture. It was very funny, the little calves stopped what they were doing, some watched, some turned their back. One who was feeding darted in back of her mama and peeked at me from underneath. ...

"I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it. " Author Unknown A couple of weeks ago I was reading Molly's Blog and was quite intrigued with her idea of a "Road Trip Scavenger Hunt." I haven't been on a scavenger hunt since I was a kid and I've never been on one that was all about collecting photographs not items. Just the other day Firebyrd posted a list of "Joy" photos on her blog which I totally loved. And, as if everyone but me is aware of this fun Kodak activity, Shutter Sisters blog is asking for pictures that represent hope. One theme, lots of pictures. I don't know if this is a new concept or an idea that's been around for awhile. Either way I think it's a brilliant. I immediately challenged Weneki to a similar adventure. My dream trip would be a mother/daughter driving adventure. Perhaps we could go to my sister Linda's ...

“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.” Anonymous Yesterday was a grand day. The best kind of birthday. I was surrounded by people I love and who love me back. I was gifted, cheered, and sung to (in five different languages which, with the addition of Brother/Father Georges, has become our family tradition). I was feasted and treated to a decadent, chocolate-chip lava cookie a la mode. I wore a tiara out in public and actually felt deserving! People look at you kind of funny when you wear a tiara, but nobody snickers. Little girls, God bless them, point and act as if they are actually in the presence of royalty. I'm thinking tiara wearing would be mandatory if I were president. There is still confetti in the rug which I am seriously considering keeping. My book supply has been replenished. I can't wait to start reading. Lately I've been so tired when I go to bed the pages have been all fuzzy. I have two boka...

To day is my birthday and I gotta say I'm feeling quite celebrated. Who cares if I'm 57, not 7, my adult and inner child personas are soaking up the love and celebrating being special today. Sweetie woke me up by singing the birthday song which on any other day might have caused me to grumble. But who can't smile when they know the birthday song is being sung in her honor? I've opened cards and presents. There is confetti all over the floor and the smell of lavender in the air. My sister has become the master packer. You never know what's going to come flying out of the envelope when you rip it open. It makes me want to have a bunch of lavender plants just to use as packing material. Mmmmmmm! I have a few things I have to do so I'll finish up the story of my birthday adventures tomorrow. For today, and everyday, I hope you take the time to celebrate who you are and who you are yet to be. Take stock of your good points, change the things you consider changeable a...

"I can spend hours in a grocery store. I get so excited when I see food, I go crazy." Cameron Diaz In honor of my birthday my friend (Brother/Father) Georges took me on an adventure to a restaurant supply store. There was an Arabic method to his madness. He takes me to a place I can by a rib roast for half the cost, then I, in turn, invite him to share my birthday dinner with him. Plus he's been a little depressed and he says I make him smile. I like hearing this because this man always make me feel good. He is the brother I never had. I've been to big warehouse food stores before like Price Club or Costco, but never to a place that serves only restaurants. Restaurants and people like Georges and I who borrow someone else's membership card. The only other time I've been to a place that is so cold they provide down-filled jackets was last fall when I went see to Gary Wichanskie's carved ice show. With the exception of the slippery ice on the floor which p...

"Omit and substitute! That's how recipes should be written. Please don't ever get so hung up on published recipes that you forget that you can omit and substitute." Jeff Smith (the Frugal Gourmet) I thought I'd share the recipes I mentioned yesterday. McLinden's Irish Mystery Chicken (From a Bottle of Irish Mist) 4 thin slices baked ham, cut in half 4 whole chicken breasts, split and boned 1 can (10 1/4 oz. condensed cream of mushroom soup 1 cup (8 oz.) sour cream 1/2 cup Irish Mist 1 cup (1/4 lb.) s;iced fresh mushrooms In 8x12" baking dish arrange the ham slices. Place a chicken breast on each slice - skin side up. Mix remaining ingredients and spoon over chicken, covering completely. Bake at 300 degrees for 1.5 hours. Serve over a bed of wild rice, with sauce. Serves 6-8. Apple Dapple Cake Cake: 1.5 cups oil 2 cups sugar 3 eggs 3 cups flour 1 tsp. salt 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. ground cinnamon 2 tsp. vanilla 3 cups raw apples, peeled and chopped * 1 cu...

"Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression." Bronson Alcott I just read over my last post and was appalled to see so many mistakes. My editor must have been out drinking green beer and looking for leprechauns with little teeny pots of gold. Also, I have no idea how to make the spacer work on blogger. I try to separate paragraphs by a double space. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I get 4 spaces and sometimes I don't get any, which seems to have happened yesterday. I change it, then re-publish but it has a mind of its own. Carol told the writing group the other day that editors can weed out submissions by just scanning it for grammatical errors. Which is kind of funny because we all decided that kids today don't get grammar rule drilled into their heads like in the good ol ' days! I have a soft spot in my heart for grammar but obviously don't catch all my mistakes. Please forgive me and know tha...

"May you always have laughter to cheer you, those you love near you, and all your heart might desire and enjoy a wee bit of Irish inspiration this St. Patrick's Day." http://www.beliefnet.com/ I love this picture. I took it while on one of my walks looking for the extraordinary in the ordinary. I love the way those flowers just stuck their pretty purple heads up out of the weed pile. They don't seem to have any anxiety about not being good enough, or pretty enough, or useful enough. They just wanted to enjoy the warmth of the sun and grew towards the light. For me, St. Patrick's Day is just another day. I don't have an uncontrollable urge to wear green or eat corned beef surrounded by cabbage and potatoes. However, it is usually on St. Patrick's Day that I pause to remember a couple of dear friends who were Irish devotees. Hugh McLinden was a man I met through work in San Diego. Hugh was one of the earliest designated helicopter pilots in the U.S. Navy. He...

"Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again?" Winnie the Pooh I titled this blog Random Thoughts, which is not highly original, because I've found in my advancing years that it is hard for me to stick with to one subject for any length of time. Like a butterfly flitting from one pretty flower to another, my mind glides from subject to subject as if on a summer breeze. I wonder if this could be the reason when I look around my living spaces - the couch where I sit and type, the kitchen counter, the bathroom shelf, my bedside table - are so cluttered. Obviously when I pick something up - a bill, a spoon, my toothbrush, a book - to use for its intended purpose I put it down without much thought to orderliness as I go on to the something else. For example, in the space where I'm sitting right now there is a table covered with seemingly important papers. An insurance statement that should be filed, some recipes I copied from a magazine I sent to Weneki, a newspap...

"I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends." Nancie J. Carmody Wow! I am really blown away by all the IWD Remarkable Women. To everyone who wrote in thank you for digging deep and sharing so many powerful stories; for being brave and honest; for your willingness to to acknowledge the accomplishments of outstanding women. I read each comment several times and am so impressed. I'm also very glad nobody paid attention to the "One Woman" rule. Cheaters of the world unite! For me the common thread that wove all the stories together is the fact that all the contributors mention what I think is the heart and soul of women united. A love that is big enough to share with others in need. Mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, teachers, friends, even perfect strangers had an impact on others because they took the time to give of themselves the gift that keeps on giving. They gave this gift without asking for an...

In honor of women everywhere ... Welcome to the International Women's Day Blog Party (Turn up the sound: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuB3_HLcFfk ) International Women's Day is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. To this end, this party is a way to honor those special ladies who have inspired us and made us better than we ever thought we could be. It is with gratitude and pride I welcome you to my blog. I'm anxious to hear your stories and celebrate your choices. All you have to do is go down to the bottom of this post and click on the comment section. That will take you to another page where you can write your tribute in the space provided. You can use your Google/Blogger user name or remain anonymous. There is nothing to join. If you choose to post anonymously please leave your name in the comment section so we'll all know who you are. When you're through hit publish and voila your lady is o...

"A teacher's purpose is not to create students in his own image, but to develop students who can create their own image." Author Unknown I feel myself nearing the finish line of inspirational-women-I-have-known posts. Which isn't exactly true because I'm sure there are many more that have impacted my life for good, or for bad, than I could have written about. As I've been digging into the recesses of my mind for the past few days, I am amazed at what you can find out about the people you thought you always knew. Perhaps it's not the discovering that's important, but the acknowledging. When my dark side screams to be fed by anger, depression, guilt, and worthlessness, because I've done these self-imposed writing assignments I don't have to choose the negative. Instead I can call on the light I know is there and serve up a cocktail of beauty, strength, wisdom and humor. Who knew all this insight would come from one simple party idea? I know who I...

REMINDER!! INTERNATIONAL WOMAN'S DAY BLOG PARTY SUNDAY, MARCH 8, 2009 "Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future." Gail Lumet Buckley I specifically tried not to put any rules on the IWD Blog Party. Picking a woman who has influenced your life is a personal decision, made with your own criteria, not mine. I have heard from others that picking just one woman is just about impossible. I'm finding this to be true as I look back and forth over my own life. In my last post I looked back at some of the women who helped shape my life, if only through their DNA. To my surprise all that hindsight stirred up some powerful emotions and dark dreams. I guess that is what archeology is all about. When digging through the dirt one is bound to find some skeletons. Without the ladies I wrote about being here to set me straight, I think that on the flip side of character traits I mentioned, anger and depression might lea...