Monday, March 30, 2009

What if ....

"We achieve inner health only through forgiveness
-the forgiveness not only of others
but also of ourselves."
Joshua Loth Liebman


I told a little bit of my version of the story.
Father/Brother Georges said she's fragile.
Fragile like fine crystal? Hard as tempered steel? Can one be both?

Father/Brother Georges says healing will come with forgiveness.
Not just of others. First you must forgive yourself.

"Ahh," I said as a very dim light bulb began to glimmer.
I thought back to all the people I've blamed for the problems in my life. I thought I'd made peace. What if peace isn't the same as forgiveness?

Maya Angelou says, "you can't do better until you know better." I think the important people in my life did things the way they did because they didn't know any better. That knowledge deserves my forgiveness. It was their stuff.

I thought about being a scared little girl and thinking the things that happened around me could somehow be my fault. How? Why? Nobody told me different. I didn't trust anyone enough to speak my fears out loud.

I wonder was I alone? I doubt it.
No, I know it ... we were all wounded.
Wounded by harsh words and teasing. Flip flops and leather belts. Silence and unspoken truths. Fear.

What if I forgive myself for all those things I thought I was responsible for? Put the responsibility back where it belongs.
What if I said out loud, face to face with the person in the mirror:

"IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT."
"YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT."
"YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD."
"I FORGIVE YOU."
"WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU'LL DO BETTER."

What if forgiveness leads to compassion? What if compassion leads to understanding? What if understanding means not being angry anymore? What if not being angry makes room for love? What if love creates the family we've been looking for?

What if ....
Merry ME

2 comments:

Fire Byrd said...

Merry, this is such a powerful post. To be able to accept ourselves, and to forgive others who hurt us when they knew no better is a wonderful place to be or to aim for.
Huge hugs
xx

terri said...

what if you said it out loud to yourself over and over and over again?

i hope you do.

i hope we all do.........