Embrace The Suck

In the past days, I've had a couple middle of the night calls from across the hall. I've been meaning to write about what I've learned. In fact, I have written on the blank screen of my brain. But visits from hospice personnel, lunch with my sister, laundry and much need naps brought on by adrenaline-provoked sleeplessness have kept me from putting the thoughts in order on the computer. This morning I turned on the computer, thinking I would read over what I've written. I opened up my blog and was surprised to find nothing new posted since Wed. Uh, H-E-L-L-O! Sometimes it's a toss up whether to laugh at myself or worry! Now, the problem as I see it is trying to remember what I wanted to write! Happy Saturday morning! Merry ME

"A good cheerleader is not measured by the height of her jumps but by the span of her spirit." Author Unknown I got an email this afternoon. The kind that have several short inspirational stories. I don't know if any of them are true or where they came from, only that they've undoubtedly been around the world a few kazillion times. One of the stories made me laugh. Another brought tears to my eyes even though I've read it before. The following made me say, "awwwww!" "Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'" I no longer need to wonder why...

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” Winnie the Pooh 1. I find just about all the wisdom I need to have in simple little quotes by Winnie the Pooh. Although he is a bear of very little brain I find him wise beyond measure. 2. It has been raining off an on for a week. The sun peeked out from behind a cloud this morning but I think I see some more dark on the horizon coming our way. I don't really think it's fair to complain about rain. But then I haven't been flooded and no trees have fallen in our yard. We did notice a few wet spots on the dining room ceiling last night, which may mean a tiny bit of a leak in the roof. I am feeling grateful that it was not a torrent of rain that came poured into our recent birthday celebration. When you l ive in Florida you get used to the rain. But unless it's a hurricane brewing we don't u...

"Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people Living life in peace" John Lennon Something happened last night that was a little out of our usual routine. Actually it was a lot out of our routine. PBS had a Memorial Day salute that started at 8:00pm. When I pulled out the cards for our nightly game of Rummy, Dad said, "Let's go watch the show." "Whoa," I said to myself surprised that something shook him out of his normalcy. I also sent up a private prayer of gratitude that Sweetie thought to mention the show. So there we all sat, together in one room, eyes and ears peeled to the TV. I have to admit I am a sucker for a military band. I won't go so far to say I'm orgasmic when I hear the USMC piccolo player "triple tongue" his/her solo of the Stars and Stripes Forever. But I am not ashamed to say I cry almost every time I hear it. (Not being a good enough ...

"Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. " Arthur Somers Roche For the summer, my writing group is going to venture away from Panera's and writing assignments. Carol has hopes of stimulating our creativity. Her ideas are based, I think, on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. Today, in honor of Carol's birthday we met at her house for lunch. Time away with a writing ladies. How cool is that? Apparently, to my messed up psyche, not so. First of all it meant rearranging a doctor's appointment for Dad. Then I had to make sure my sister would be home while I was gone. Then my car, which has been in the shop three times in the last two weeks, lost its serpentine belt which meant I had to use Dad's car which always makes me nervous. And, did I mention that the rain we prayed for on Sunday has been coming down in a slow steady torrent for two days with no apparent e...

"It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained." Bill Wilson* My name is Merry ME. I'm a chipaholic. I have am powerless over Kettle Cooked Potato Chips My life is becoming unmanageable. I have to admit that at times in my past I drank one too many shots of tequila. I held on way too long to relationships that zapped my soul of energy. I had a love/hate relationship with food so that I dropped to my goal weight of 115 lbs, before facing I had an eating disorder I got high from endorphins let loose in my brain from spending hours at a gym. There is no doubt that if I hadn't been too afraid to try drugs I would have met one that I enjoyed beyond what was good for me. Luckily, I also spent years in the comfort and company of 12-steppers, who like me were seeking a better...

FYI: According to KeyWest Johnnie, this is going to be a bad year for hurricanes. There may not be a lot of landfalls but there will be a lot of storms. My son, the prognosticator - who knew? Smiling, Merry ME

"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature t hat the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom, and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else." Peyton Conway March Today is my blog buddy's birthday. If you read my blog on any kind of regular basis you already know that Terri St. Cloud is one of my favorite people. It's kind of weird to say that because we've never met face to face. But there's something about Terri that makes you feel like you've known her forever whether you've met her or not! Terri is open, caring, interested, interesting, funny, thoughtful, creative, loving, and generous. If she thinks you need something, she drops whatever it is she's doing and lends a listening ear. Even over cyberspace, you know she's sitting there tuned into only you. How do you repay a person like that? What kind of present can you give? I think her boyfriend, Bob, has topped us all by giving her the sky! Go on o...

"Life isn't a matter of milestones, but moments." Rose Kennedy There is a woman at church to whom I'm greatly attracted. Her family has been attending the church for as long as my family (well over 40 years). I went to school with her son, but my only memory of him is walking through a sticker patch to get to the university across the street where we attended Sunday school. Boy that memory alone tells you how things have changed! For one thing the sermons must have been really long, because it took for ever just to get to the SS classroom, let alone learn any Bible stories. And what parent today would let their school aged children go traipsing off across a major thorough fare. Today it's a well-traveled 4 lane road today, maybe back then it was only big enough for a horse and buggy. But I digress. My point was that even though I've known the family for a long time, I have not had any real contact with Beth until recently. I was busy taking care of my mother a...

"Music is God's gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven." Walter Savage Landor Sweetie and I went to a concert on Mother's Day. The African Children's Choir put on an amazing show. I've been thinking the Hispanic music that has infused our church services with a salsa beat and toe-tapping rhythm would be a good match for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. But it has nothing on this group of talented and enthusiastic children. As soon as they opened their mouths, I was taken to a place of wonder and reverence. Not to mention I couldn't keep my hands from clapping and my bootie from shaking. There's just something about a drum beat that gets me going! A drum beat, a lively song, and a group of angels singing it. I don't know for sure, but I believe that this is what Heaven sounds like. Go here . And if you ever get the chance to hear this choir, you won't be disappointed. Feeling blessed, Merry ME

I found this and hope that when the time is right the people I know who are hurting right now will be able to read it with clear eyes. "To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will so...

"We must fill ourselves up with the gains and losses of love." * Rabbi David Wolpe Something really, really tragic happened last week in Sweetie's family. Something really, really sad happened last night in mine. There is no way to put both losses on a par with each other. They happened in different ways to different people. Still I think they'd both read off the scale of anyone's tragedometer. It's not the first time, and even though I pray it is the last it probably won't be, that Sweetie and I find ourselves as parents wanting to make everything "all better" for the children we love so dearly. We want to say the right words and kiss away the pain away. Knowing that there is nothing that can be done, no words that can be said and no kiss mighty enough to mend broken hearts doesn't make the wanting any less. While it may be true that time heals all wounds, the saying is about as trite as words can be. Personally, I think anyone who hears th...

"It ain't braggin' if it's true." Jack's Pappy I've had a little bit of a writer's block lately. I have to blame it on my other muse. There is something so pleasing about buying fabric, cutting it into pieces, then tediously sewing it all back together again. I can't quilt by hand anymore as it hurts my thumb. But I can still sit at the sewing machine and make a big mess! The only thing missing is my mom standing over my shoulder, silently watching and nodding her head in approval. I made the stoles that these two priests are wearing. Mtr. Judi is wearing the white one I gave her for her recent ordination. I presented Mtr. Gloria, who is the Spiritual Director for my pet project, the Guild of the Christ Child, with a "baby" stole this morning in honor of Mother's Day. I'm not sure if it was a sin or not, but I felt a heart full of pride as they stood behind the altar wearing my creations. Sometimes I just have to toot my own horn!...

"The aim of Life is to Live, and to Live means to be Aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely, Aware. Henry James Dona Rosa turned 100 years old two weeks ago. She is a little tiny thing, but she walks with more zip in her step than I do at times. Isn't she beautiful. I've never known anyone who lived to be 100 so I consider myself blessed to know her. She never shies away from my camera. Her smile says it all. I hope when I'm 100 I'll be able to be as much of an example of the good things in life as Rosa. This is a picture of my Dad and a friend at church who share the same birthday - Nina May as it is known in our family. Dad turned 92 and Leland isn't shy about saying she's blessed to be 80 years young. I complain a lot about my Dad being a bit of a curmudgeon, but this picture shows that he has not lost his ability to smile at a pretty lady. I've got enough aches and pains of my own to realize that the older one gets the harder it is to feel...

"The trouble with sharing one's bed with cats is that they'd rather sleep on you than beside you." Pam Brown When Sweetie's cat, Caht, came to the end of his 9th life, I didn't think there would ever be room for another feline in our bed. But it appears that "Cry Baby" aka Her, aka Girl Cat, has persisted and in doing so has made herself Queen of her Universe. She follows Jack around from room to room, making herself comfortable wherever she deems appropriate. I've noticed if I go to bed after the two inseparables have already hunkered down I am given a feline evil eye if I try to take ownership of my pillow. On the other hand, Scaredy Cat, aka Him, aka Boy Cat has taken a liking to me. He is still very skittish but thinks I am, excuse the pun, the "cat's meow"! I don't know what standard of measurement he used, but he has determined that our special times together are most enjoyable when I sit on the toilet or floss my teet...

"There's no such thing as chance. And what to us seems merest accident Springs from the deepest source of destiny." Johann von Schiller SQuire Rushnell defines a "God Wink" as a personal signal or message, directly from a higher power, usually, but not always in the form of a coincidence. * I have to wonder if my life is being bombarded by coincidence, or is God acknowledging my desire to change a pattern of financial behavior, and thus winking excessively to get my attention? Some people believe that God is involved in every detail of our lives. Others believe that He/She gave us free will so whatever happens, happens and we have to live with the consequences while He/She sits back and watches the show. Some people say there are no coincidences. Others believe "Poop happens." Some people believe our destiny is determined by the stars. My belief system is probably a mixture of all of the above. And sometimes, on top of everything else, life just has to...

"Money will come when you are doing the right thing." Mike Phillips [I don't know who Mike Phillips is, but I hope he knows what he's talking about. m ] A few weeks ago I had a meltdown in the middle of Applebees. As usual in the middle of a lunch date with my sister who also happens to be a CPA my dad started discussing his finances. Usually I can tune this conversation out. I have mastered the art of looking interested in the dollars and cents of my father's estate while I "la la la" in my head to whatever tune I make up. This afternoon, though, was different. My buttons got pushed big time. It doesn't make any real difference what was said, because my reaction took precedence over everything else going on in the restaurant. I said too much. I hurt his feelings. He hurt mine. She retreated to that place she has always retreated to. The waiter kept checking to see if we wanted our bill and people in the booth next to us sipped their water and enjoye...

In response to FireByrd's comment on my previous post: I kind of wondered why she couldn't tell the bird was red, because if she clicked on the photo like I suggested she could see that he's sitting there in all his red glory. Hmm , I thought to myself. And followed that questioning sigh with a click on the photo. Nothing happened. I tried it again. Nothing happened. I tried it on the previous, previous post. Nothing happened. Then, I went back one more and got to the pretty lady in the hat, clicked and sure enough it got bigger. We all know I am technologically challenged. Many of you are probably laughing at my ineptness. The thing is, I'd already posted the photo, clicked on it, and saw that the process worked BEFORE I published for good. What happened between then and when Byrd read it, I have no clue. So I started over. I deleted the picture, then re-uploaded it. It seems to work. The picture gets larger, and you can see the bird close up in all his glorious ...