Monday, May 18, 2009

Bet you can't eat just one.

"It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained."
Bill Wilson*

My name is Merry ME.
I'm a chipaholic.
I have am powerless over Kettle Cooked Potato Chips
My life is becoming unmanageable.
I have to admit that at times in my past I drank one too many shots of tequila. I held on way too long to relationships that zapped my soul of energy. I had a love/hate relationship with food so that I dropped to my goal weight of 115 lbs, before facing I had an eating disorder I got high from endorphins let loose in my brain from spending hours at a gym. There is no doubt that if I hadn't been too afraid to try drugs I would have met one that I enjoyed beyond what was good for me.
Luckily, I also spent years in the comfort and company of 12-steppers, who like me were seeking a better way to live life, so I today I know what recovery feels like. Until recently I believed I had successfully battled most of my demons. Then, like a fool, I tempted myself beyond what was intelligent or even humanly possible to forgo. There is a reason, the old Lay's ad has undoubtedly gone into the annals of commercial history. Every addiction begins with one little taste of some forbidden fruit. As when Eve took that seemingly innocent little bite from that juicy red apple, one thing leads to another and before you know it you find yourself kicked out of your particular Garden of Delights and on skid row.
I don't recall the actual moment I fell for Satan's encouraging words, "Go ahead. Try one. How can it hurt anything?" I may have been hungry at the time (Lesson learned - don't grocery shop hungry or without a list) but chances are I was just curious.
I admit that since my care giving job has become a 24/7 thing, when I get a hall pass to shop for food I stretch the time in the store out as long as I can. I wander up and down each aisle lost in a trance enjoying the stroll as if I were in a tree lined park. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but unless I'm pushing one of those carts with a sticky wheel I am able to tune out most of the activity around me and focus on nothing in particular. I no longer need Tampax, Pampers, Ensure or Bud Lite, but I check out those shelves anyway. That might give a bit of a hint as to how long I spend on the snack aisle.
So there I was weighing the options of plain or wavy chips, searching my coupon wallet to see if I could save a few cents. I moved out of the way for a woman who was headed straight for the frozen pizzas. To my great delight, not knowing what was in store for me, I came face to face with what I thought was a new product. Lays Kettle Cooked Original chips. The bag looked innocent enough. How was I to know this one purchase was going to lead to middle of the night cravings and made up excuses such as "Potato Chip therapy" a sure cure for most anything that ails you - emotional or physical?
As with any other addiction, I decided to ease my pain by sharing with others. I unashamedly offered these little darlings to my Sweetie and the others who live in the house. Realizing too late that this was a mistake, I am now to the point of wanting to stash bags of chips in places I think no one else will look for them ... under the bed, in the linen closet, behind the toilet.
I recently read this review** of the chips in question. It is no surprise to me that it was penned in anonymity in accordance with the 12-step format."Nonetheless I was totally surprised by how much I enjoyed these chips."
I read on: "After I ate and enjoyed a 2¾ oz bag of the Lay's Kettle Cooked Original Extra Crunchy Potato Chips I thought for sure that the ingredients would be horrible since the chips were so good. But I was surprised to see that there were only three ingredients listed, potatoes, sunflower oil, and sea salt, no preservatives, no trans fat, and nothing unnatural."
For a while this bit of nutritional information curbed my feelings of guilt. No preservatives? No trans fat? How bad can this overwhelming desire to stuff crispy fried, sea salted potatoes in my mouth be?
Anonymous continued: "A normal serving is only supposed to be around 1oz but I ate the whole bag. [The whole bag?! Yes! I knew it, it's not just me!] The entire bag of chips has 420 calories, 22g of total fat, 3g of saturated fat, 6g of polyunsaturated fat, and 13g of monounsaturated fat. There are also 310mg of sodium, 50g of total carbs, 3g of fiber and 5g of protein. The chips also contain iron, thiamine, niacin, phosphorus, and Vitamins C and B6. [A veritable pharmacopoeia!]
Concluding with, "I didn't know that I ate that many calories from that one bag, but these chips were delicious so it was worth it."
With that statement alone I rest my case. Not that I'm advocating overindulgence or binging or flagrant chip chomping. Like the spider said to the fly, I simply suggest you try one, just one Lay's Kettle Cooked Original Extra Crunchy potato chip and see for yourself what heaven tastes like.
Don't say you weren't warned,
Merry ME
*c. 1939, AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill's Story, p. 7


Sorrow said...

I'm sorry, But I am hooked on Kettle brand kettle chips, especially the ones with salt AND pepper..
HI! I am sorrow and i am a chipaholic too...

Fire Byrd said...

I can honestly say one small bag of crisps (Chips) is more than enough for me about once a month. But if we were talking Cadbury's chocolate now that would be a much more serious issue!
Oh and chips over here are fries to you, just to confuse you!

Anonymous said...

Is life summed up in a bag of potato chips? You betcha it is! I think those of us who willingly succomb to potato chip addiction are in need of a 6 - step program (of delight).
1. purchase (favored chips)
2. hold opened bag against chest - inhale aroma.
3. grasp one large chip in tender grip - HOLD - assimilating chip oil and flavor.
4. devour chips with reckless abandon.
5. place empty bag under other trash - riding the denial.
6. outwardly be contrite while inwardly gloating, savoring the experience.

P. Pandering
O. only
T. to
A. a
T taste
O. of

C 'crisps'
H. heavenly
I. in
P. presentation