Embrace The Suck

I noticed   today how good it feels to be acknowledged for something I love doing. It's like getting an extra scoop of ice cream for free. How's this for serendipity. Not to mention good fortune. On the day I was celebrating my 1000th post I received an email from Luc Bergevin who works on media operations at Caring.com. He told me my blog, Random Thoughts, this one, the one you're reading right this minute has been recognized as one of the great caregiver stories on the web. I very proudly ask you to head on over to 18 Great Caregiver Stories on the Web   and check out some other caregiving blogs, videos, and photographs that will inspire you. I am in very good company. Of course I'm honored by this. Caring.com is a wonderful site chock full information about caregiving. It's the kind of place you can go in the middle of the night when the person you're caring for has just driven you to the brink of insanity, or when you don't know where else to turn i...

I noticed how easily I began to cry when Sweetie came home from a bunch of GAL meetings. "There's no more hope for him," said Sweetie, of a teenager who will age out of the system while he is in jail. What that means exactly I'm not sure. Suffice it to say he'll be up a creek without a paddle or a  home, or education, or job, or medication, or food. Chances are pretty good he'll age out of the juvenile system and soon find himself in the adult penal system. Or worse. Who will cry when he's gone? Can anyone tell me how we as a society, has let this happen? I'm not saying that the kid doesn't have to be responsible for his actions. And I'm sure many people have tried to help him. But how does a child get so broken that there is no hope at ripe old age of 18? Just wondering. And crying for the child and the world. Not-so Merry ME

You have to look close but there is a yellow snake hanging from this bird's beak Driving home today I noticed three woman walkers. Only they weren't walking. They were staring at something in a neighbor's yard. I thought at first it might have to do with the elderly lady who lives there. As I rounded the corner, I it was an egret. Now we live close to the river, but I've never seen these birds strolling the neighborhood before.  Seeing as this is a Year of Noticing, I drove around the block to get a picture. Mr. Egret was putting on quite a show. He'd discovered a snake in the grass and going about the business of capturing and eating it. No wonder the ladies were standing there. It was like the National Geographic Channel without a TV. These birds have long necks and long bills. He used his bill to grab the snake, kind of like grabbing a sushi roll. He had to try a few times as the snake managed to escape. Once captured for good, the bird just stood there wi...

I neglected to write about what I noticed yesterday because I my mind was on my 1000th post. There were, however,  two things I noticed that kind of took my breath away. First was the way the wind whipped through the palm trees as I waited for the valet to bring me my car. The rain had let up some, but the moist air sprinkled me with a tropical mist.  I enjoyed watching how the trees swayed. It called to mind a series of sermons presented by Rev. Richard Roos during Advent a few years ago. Traditionally one thinks of firs and evergreens at the holidays not palm trees. But here in Florida, it's not uncommon to see palms encircled in twinkling white lights and bedecked in ornaments resembling fish and flamingos. Fr. Roos's sermons were, of course, meant to turn our hearts and minds towards the coming Christmas celebration. I think the messages are good even without a religious bent. Take them how you will. (12/23/2007) 1. In a storm the palm bends but rarely breaks....

I became an official blogger on January 4, 2007. As of today I've written 1000 posts. In the essay I've been struggling to write for my writing group's e-book, I've taken a walk down the memory lane of the stages of my writing. (Good Lord, is anyone counting prepositional phrases?) From "friendly" letters I learned to write in grade school, to diaries, to journals, to my blog, I think there has been a common thread.  I was never sure enough about myself to speak my thoughts out loud. But I could write them. It helped that I liked to read what others had to say.  I aspired to write like others before I developed my own style.  In a strange twist I found even at my most depressed, I liked to write things that would make other people laugh. Before I started my blog, I'd been writing group emails to my out-of-state relatives about how my mom was doing.  It was easier to write one letter than repeat the details of hospital stays in different phone conversa...

I just noticed the time - 12:30 am. Technically day 55. I noticed how green the grass is getting.

It's that time of the year again. Time to renew my car registration(s). I guess to soften the blow, the man who gave me a ticket with a number on it to hold my place in the queue, told me Happy Birthday.  My birthday is still a few weeks away, but what the hey, let the celebrating begin. Knowing there'd be a wait I carried the 219 page book my writing buddy and friend, Amy, just finished. Members of  Chat Noir Writers Circle have been with her almost since the start. We've read the chapters, made suggestions, corrected grammar. Even though it's in a 3-ring binder, I noticed that reading it like a "real" book is a wonderful feeling. It is well-written (duh), clean, tight, funny and poignant. I can't wait for this fine-tuning part is over and she can get on with finding an agent and getting published. Another member of our group also finished his memoir not long ago. He's a bit shy about it, but he's going to have to get over that when he's...

I noticed how sweet it was to come in from five hours of feeling snookered by a nine week old baby and find my husband had not only cooked meatloaf, but waited to eat it until I got home at 10pm. I also noticed that it tasted a whole lot better than the last couple of meatloaves I made. Then I noticed that chocolate chip cookies that have been sitting on a plate that sits over the oven vent are heated to a perfect temperature, the chocolate melted and cookies warm. Yum. P.S. The baby in the blue polka dotted shoes in yesterday's post is my grand baby, Gracie, not the baby that pulled the "I'll close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep til she puts me down then I'll scream like she pinched me so mom will come running" routine on me tonight. Merry ME

I arrived at work a few minutes early. So I parked the car next to the dog walking yard and waited.  Out came a girl and her mom, with a big dog and a little dog. I couldn't help but notice , and appreciate the fashion statement of the young girl. She was dressed head to toe in stripes. Multi-colored stripes. The stripes on her dress wide, may 3/4 inch. Her socks a little narrower, and her socks narrower still.  I'm not sure I would ever have had the nerve to put together this stripey ensemble, but I must say it was quite delightful. I have a new appreciation for stripes. What about you? Stripes or dots? Wait. Don't answer until you've checked out these shoes. I also couldn't help but notice that holding a sweet baby girl in my arms, looking over the river from a high rise apartment and seeing all the downtown lights, felt mighty good. I think my Grammy skills are a little rusty, but have been asked back. This is a good sign. Maybe I'll wear striped s...

Sorry if this is too much information. I am noticing I have had to tinkle a lot this afternoon. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of psycho-somatic weirdness about working for a urologist. If I were going to work for a dentist, I'm sure I'd need a root canal. Wish me luck. Merry ME

I  noticed  that a garden rose, even one that has seen better days, smells better than a hot house rose. I noticed that I get kind of  real hyper when a bunch of things pile up on me at the same time. Gone are my days of multi-tasking with a smile.

I noticed today a pain in my back as soon as I picked up 20 lbs of kitty litter.  Guess I used my back and not my legs. Live and learn. Merry ME

I noticed today, that I apparently I didn't notice anything yesterday.  Or more to the point I didn't write about it. I find I'm getting better at noticing things everywhere I go. I went for a job interview yesterday. As a nanny. Much as I love serving and working with the elderly, I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with the other company. So I switched age groups. The place I went was a high rise apartment building on the river.  Not sure I've ever been in a building with 26 floors before. And that wasn't even the top.  Imagine my surprise when the potential employer opened the door and my urologist stood before me.  I think because he was focused on another part of me, he didn't recognize my face. Geez Louise, talk about good material for a writer. As I waited for the Mrs. to finish pumping, I sat at a table in the combined living/dining room. The blinds were drawn so I couldn't partake of the incredible view they must have. I couldn't ...

I noticed how sweet it felt to have this picture be the first thing I saw on Facebook this morning. I love how the light streaming through the window looks like my Gracie is shining in the radiance of God's love and how it makes me think she's high fiving the Spirit we can't see but she knows is there. I noticed how behind I am on my blog reading. How I'd like to stay in bed surrounded by pillows, blankets, and black kitties to do nothing today but rest and read.  I  also noticed how quickly I felt bad about that desire cause it's past noon and I'm a lazy ass who needs to get up and moving cause the day's half gone already. Merry ME

I noticed  I felt physically ill when I heard that Oscar Pistorius has been charged with murder. Where have all the heros gone? Disappointed ME

Around 12:30 last night I noticed I was still up working on my "why I write" essay. I'm afraid to look at it this morning because I really want it to be finished, but something tells me I've still got some work to do. Apparently writing is something I do without thinking about it. Trying to define it has been a painful exercise. ___ This morning, I notice rain outside my window. Finally, finally the skies have opened up and rain has come tumbling down. Mmmmmm. I love that sound. I love that clean fresh smell. ____ Later in the day: I walked through the men's department of one of the nice department stores in town and noticed this: Seriously? Is this the look that men will be sporting this summer? What's next bell-bottom pants? I believe there are certain decades whose styles are better left in the annuls of fashion disasters. The 70's would be one of them. Remember leisure suits? And double knit trousers? Don't get me wrong. I'm...

Today I noticed that the baby cardinals must be learning to sing. Either that or they aren't babies anymore, but teenagers and they've learned how to talk back. TWEET. tweet. TWEET. tweet. On and on and on. Think of the monotonous sound a child makes when first learning to play the violin. After awhile even the most encouraging of parents wants to put her fingers in her ears! I believe the female on his  video   is   the grown up version of what I was hearing.    What song have you been singing lately? Is this the song you really want to be singing? Merry ME

Today I noticed the dogwoods have begun to bloom. The calendar be damned. Spring has sprung. And I noticed that whether you are 2 or 92 making a wish and blowing out candles are what birthdays are all about.  Happy Birthday to my friend Mary Wishing for you smiles and hugs, Merry ME

Last night I received a rather criptic email from my friend Amy. The subject was "Head Up." I gleefully opened the message sure I was going to see "THE END" typed in big bold letters. Amy is nearing the end of the editing process for her memoir manuscript. You know how on a relay team, as one person runs her lap, the next person looks like one of those little golden runners on top of the trophy the team is hoping to win, frozen in the running position head down, one arm out front, one arm reaching back to grab the baton, legs poised to zoom ahead? Well that's how I feel about Amy finishing her edits. I am one of the team who will give it a final once-over before handing it off to an agent. All that to explain why I was excited by the email. This is what I got instead:  brace yourself. you'll want to make sure you read my blog tomorrow morning.  Having no idea what that was all about I turned on the computer this morning while I still half asleep. I open...

The trouble with giving into sadness, like alcohol or dancing, is the post "fill in the blank" hangover. There comes a point when you have to pick yourself up, clean yourself off, and start all over again - regardless of the headache and lethargy. I noticed today I've got the post boohoo blahs. In an attempt to work myself out of the funk, I played with my writing group's new blog . It's in the Wordpress format which I know nothing about.  After about an hour I finally posted a quote about writing and linked that blog to this one.  Not the top of Mount Everest, but accomplishment nonetheless. The blog is a natural outlet for the group's stories, poems, thoughts and announcements. Several of us are already writing blogs as diverse as the writers we are. You may want to give us a few days to work the kinks out, but I encourage you to put the Chat Noir Writers Circle Blog on your list of favorites. Once we get rolling, you won't be sorry. I think I he...

Traffic on 295 at a dead stop. No patience. Anxiety rising. Get to the airport late. Big hug, quick goodbye. Sadness sits on my shoulders. Quiet tears. Donuts. Under the blanket. Blessed sleep. Hot shower. Turkey sandwich. Ice cold Coke. Wander the mall. Search the bookstore. Drive home. Sit in my chair, computer on my lap. Can still feel her warm, gentle spirit. Time passes. Goodbyes suck. I miss my big sister. I notice my coping mechanisms haven't changed much. Merry ME

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are." Bill Watterson I noticed a few times today that my heart was beginning to hurt at the thought of saying goodbye. I tried not to dwell on that. To be in the moment. To listen to the laughter. To enjoy the company. To soak up the sisterhood. There is never enough time when I'm with my sister. I'm grateful for the time we have. Merry ME

"I've missed more than 900 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the  game winning shot  and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan My writing group is working on an e-book collaboration about "Why I Write". There are fourteen of us. What I find amazing is how each of us probably have the same underlying reason(s) for writing, yet we each said it in a different way.  I struggled with my first draft before our first deadline, butnturned it in on time. I got some good feedback. That was over a month ago. I've tried several times to revise/rewrite and failed. Maybe failure is too harsh a word. Let's say I've been blocked. I write sentences, then erase them. I have an idea, then I trash it. Grrrr.  The other day I asked myself, "why do  I write?" I couldn't come up with a very good answer. It's lik...

Today I noticed that even when you know you shouldn't do something anymore, or know the end is coming, or can easily rationalize that not doing something is for the best when that something is taken away you feel a little sad. I took my friend to the eye doctor today. When she asked him about driving, he shuddered. He told her she no longer meets the legal requirements for driving.  Sixty-six years of safe driving and just like that it's over.  Never mind, that she hasn't driven since her fall in October and her hands are swollen and sore from arthritis. In some ways she could be relieved she doesn't have to drive anymore.  Still, while the doctor wrote up his notes, I saw my strong, sassy, woman friend, cover her eyes and bite her lip. One more bit of independence taken from her. It's been a hard week - some basic health issues, some pain, some sleeplessness. Lots of loneliness. She'll be 92 on Sunday. I think even for the youngest at heart, there must ...

At Panera's this morning, I noticed how simply delightful it is to sit across the table from my sister and chat like there we have all the time in the world and no agenda.  LInda and I live on opposite sides of the country. It's been 2 years since she's been here.  I've missed her like crazy.   I brought along a box of memories, neither of us had ever seen. My father's old girlfriend (see  http://mellington.blogspot.com/2009/06/cynthia-eugenia-franklindobsonhenry.html ) has been moved to nursing care so her sons had to empty out her apartment. When she visited here in 2009 she showed me a locket that Dad had given her on her 16th birthday. She told me she wanted me to have it. Genie's step-daughter, Susan, sent me the locket along with some other memorabilia. I waited to open the box until Linda was here.  Inside there was a second locket with my father's picture in it, a Naval Academy fraternity pin studded with tiny pearls, and a picture. It was ta...

I heard a children's choir sing this morning at my sister's church. It's hard to put into words the energy the kids exuded. Each of them has been received into the World Hope ministry because of the dire living conditions in their native Uganda, Nepal and Philippines. The videos painted a bleak picture of how some children in the world live. The children's combined voices and smiles painted a different picture. They reminded each of us of the life-saving, transforming power of hope and and love and joy. The kind of joy you can feel when you're a little kid dancing and singing because you've got a soft bed, clean water, enough food, and plenty of love.  The kind of joy that is infectious.  There were more than a few grown-ups singing and dancing, too. On the way out of the church I noticed another child. This one was dressed in an irvory organza dress, topped with a red velvet jacket. White tights and black patent Mary Janes completed the ensemble. When I saw ...

I noticed today the small birds on the feeder are baby cardinals! How cool is that? I noticed when I love someone I feel the love too. I noticed that when Sweetie and I are working together, I should be quiet and let him do it his way. I noticed I felt nostalgic when I saw a blue chenille bedspread. It reminded me of a sweeter time. Sleep well. Merry ME

"The past is a lesson. To let go of it and learn from it is a process." David Krueger Sweetie has just finished a new course in coaching. It's all about changing your old life story so you can live a new one. We all have a story, lots of them. We have life stories, relationship stories, money stories. The stories have developed over our lifetimes. They are what we believe about ourselves. When we try to change there is a greater risk of failure than success unless we change the fundamental story. I was giving my senior friend a pep talk the other night. I used this example: When I was growing up, I prided myself on doing well in school. I could bring home a report card full of A's and my mother invariably said my sister was the smartest of her girls, she just didn't apply herself. Mom didn't say anything about me not being smart. It's what she didn't say that I heard. I have always felt (still do on some level) that I'm not smart. Try...