Monday, November 21, 2011

NaBloPoMo - Day 21

"God turns you from one feeling to another
And teaches you by means of opposites
So that you will have two wings to fly,
Not one."

Ever felt like you were on a see-saw, sometimes at the top, your feet dangling in the air, and sometimes stuck at the bottom waiting for the person on the other side to come down so you can go up? Ever been on a see-saw when the person on the other side was bigger than you, and could hold you up in the air even when you wanted to get down? Or what about the teeterer who bounces you even when you ask in your nicest voice for her to stop? Moooommmm! She won't let me down.....

Hmmm.. Sorry. I got a little carried with memories of the playground!

I think my point is, drum roll please, lately I'm feeling a little like I'm on a see saw - either up or down, not spending too much time in the place in the middle. Perhaps this isn't the best of metaphors, because I just realized the middle of the see-saw is where everything is balanced, but nothing really happens. Life is in the going up or going down.

Oh My God! I'm a philosopher!

I read a friend's blog the other day where she talked about the transitions we have to make in life, that before we can get to the next place we have to let go of where we are. It reminded me of a daily meditation I read and carried around in my wallet years ago. It talked of the transitioning moment for trapeze artists. That few seconds they are twisting or somersaulting through the air. Having let go of one swing and not yet reaching the other, there is nothing holding them up but their own momentum. Well, that and a lot of training and prayers. It's that moment just before the audience cranes their necks towards the top of the big tent and whispers a communal "ahhhhhh" when the hands of one flyer meets the hands of another. Growth, said the unknown author, is what happens in the transition. You are not where you once were, and not yet where you want to be. In order to move on, you have to let go. Unless you are me whose transition period is rather like Suzi's when she's looking for the perfect spot to pee. She goes back and forth, around and around -sniffing, pausing, considering, rejecting - before deciding as if by some internal pee compass where to final stop and do her business.

I'm sure if I went back and read this blog from the past year, I'd see where I've moved forward and back, around and around, seldom staying put for more than a moment. I'm not sure I've reached my perfect spot yet, even knowing that the perfect spot is ever changing. Suzi has the whole back yard to pee in. Sometimes she goes in one corner for a few days in a row, then moves somewhere else. I've got the whole world - or at least the whole of my piece of the world. (Does that make sense? A whole of a piece?)

Are you wondering where I'm going with this? Well, I'm not really sure except that it seems like a good thing to hang my hat on for the next few weeks. The days are going to start moving even faster than they have been, stress levels are going to rise, parking spots are going to be at a premium, the cat's gonna knock the balls off the tree but life is going to go on. There are going to be days when I'm up and days when I'm down. And hopefully there will be days when I'm blissfully sitting on life's fulcrum, balanced in the moment, taking it all in.

Today I'm grateful for remembering something from 20 years ago which perhaps means my brain is not as dried up as I have been thinking. I'm grateful for the smiles that come from the long ago dreams of a little girl who pictured herself in a pink sequined leotard, flying through the air with the greatest of ease. I'm grateful for the ups which inevitably follow the downs.

Wishing for you moments of transition that will take you to new places, or perhaps back home again.
Merry ME

(I'd include poo in that statement except she has recently decided the best poo spot is in the dining room - nice.)

1 comment:

Cinderella said...

Merry - you too?
I am always shocked at my mood swings on my blog if I go back for a year - happiness, anger, complaining - contenment - boredom - tiredness - nonstop travel.
It is a total see-saw for someone who thinks she is an even keel!!!

Letting go can be easy or hard depending on the levels of your attachment, and a combined genuine committed desire for something else. It's sort of a thought plus action thing.

Life has so many choices and options. Really, every day is like a patchwork quilt of them:)