Embrace The Suck

I had every intention of redesigning my blog space for the new year. I had a quote all picked out. I was thinking of a word to inspire me in 2010. Patience was the one that kept coming back to me. Patience! Ha! My computer has been acting up. I've tried two new batteries, talked to people in India who tell me the computer is not registered to me (something I already knew), changed the power adapter, and still got a big black screen with a warning that said something like, "I'm dying." In my mind it was like the Wicked Witch melting after Dorothy through water on her. I went to bed - the only place to deal with the kind of serious frustration and anger and, yes, depression brought on by the loss of my dear friend. I know it is unreasonable to be so insanely angry, or to cry my eyes out over a piece of hardware. It says to me, perhaps the universe knew what my word should be before I did. Patience. I'll try. I'm not very good at it. Happy New Year! Merry ME (fro...

"Cherish all your happy moments: They make a fine cushion for old age." Booth Tarkington When I think back over the year I realize that a failing or selective memory can be a good thing! I recall more good things than the those that caused me grief. Here is my "Things That Moved ME" list for 2009. It makes me realize that life is good! In no particular order: 1. New friends 2. Guild of the Christ Child baby shower 3. Seeing my Sweetie get sworn in as a Guardian ad Litem 4. Generosity in action 5. Red, white and blue quilts 6. Maithri Goonetilleke 7. Tulips 8. Almadine Stone Wizard 9. Barak Obama and his family in the White House - gardens, swing set, Bo 10. Stainless steel refillable Sharpies 11. Four generations in the house at one time. 12. My writing group 13. Re-connecting with friends I haven't seen in years; feeling as comfortable as ever. 14. Elliot, Alice and Ivy Jane 15. Father/Brother Georges 16. Watching the reunion between Dad and Genie 17. Nablopomo...

"You're so vain You probably think this song is about you You're so vain I'll bet you think this song is about you Don't you? Don't you?" Carly Simon I'm so vain, I often think this song is about me! It's not that I think I'm hot or strut around like everyone should be looking at me. Mostly I believe the opposite and try to keep the lowest of profiles. Not being noticed is what I try to be. Still, I've never met a mirror I didn't like. The reason being I hate to be teased and/or embarrassed. God forbid I should have something green stuck in my teeth! I grew up feeling pretty insecure. I was taller than my sisters and most of my peers. I was skinny enough to be called "toothpick" by the people whose opinion mattered most to me. I wore glasses before little black glasses were cool. I lacked the ability to use make-up to improve my teenage nerdiness. My father often assured me the blue eyeshadow I used to make my eyes look sultr...

"A half-truth is a whole lie." Yiddish proverb I told a lie. Well, actually someone else told a little white-ish untruth. Then I went along with it. Then, in an effort to keep it going, I embellished it. My stomach started hurting. I couldn't look the lie-ee in the eye. I felt icky inside. In the end, I think the truth came out, but I can't be sure. I wasn't there. Funny, I was around for the lie, but not the truth. I don't like to veer off the path of truth. This was a good reminder. Feeling contrite, Merry ME

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." Andy Rooney ..... everything is quiet and laidback. All's right with the world. Here's are some pictures that make me smile. What is it about Christmas that makes people want to put on silly hats? [ Sorrow, close your eyes! Apparently I was right on when it came to cooking a $50.00 piece of steak. Good thing!] [My "Pig of Happiness" collection] Wishing you happiness and joy and a fun hat to wear, Merry ME

Christmas circa 1955* So this is Christmas And what have you done Another year over And a new one just begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun The near and the dear one The old and the young A very merry Christmas And a happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear John Lennon, Happy Christmas (The War is Over) And so this is Christmas! After all the shopping, baking, singing, decorating, laughing, eating, stressing, wrapping, and merry making another Christmas Day is upon us. There is so much to be grateful for and happy about. Everything is not perfect but it is as good as it is going to get for today. The house is quiet, except for the sound of Dad's walker moving slowly down the hall. I can smell the balsamy eucalyptus scent of the wreath that hangs over the mantle. The stockings are filled waiting for people to gather around and see what's stuffed inside. The table is set for a family meal, dysfunction is knocking at the door. Grabbin...

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." Dr. Seuss This afternoon I was treated to the sight of my very own Santa, (aka Sweetie) as he loaded up his sleigh (no reindeer, but a great sun-roof) with gifts for his GAL kids. In his typical fashion (a little on the OCD side) he made several lists and checked them over and over again. Finally last night everything was marked and ready to go. Today he drove all over town delivering things to these kids who have sort of stolen his heart, even though he's not supposed to get attached! Between feeding homeless people, contributing to a church food...

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. " Friedrich Nietzsche Christmas Eve eve - December 23rd - my mom's birthday. I guess people don't still have birthdays after they've passed away. Yet it seems to me the day should not go by un-noticed. The 23rd of December has traditionally been the day everyone in my neighborhood lines the streets with luminaries. I know it's all about sharing the holiday with neighbors but to me it's like having a big birthday celebration. ____ There's a Bible verse that says something along the lines of not to make a face when you are fasting, and don't make a big deal out of giving to the poor. The beauty of these acts is that you don't call attention to them. Well, I've never been one to let an opportunity to toot my own horn pass by. I did an act of kindness today that made me feel pretty good and wonder if I'd been taken advantage of at the sa...

"Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap." Robert Fulghum I haven't been out of my pajamas in two days except to get dressed to take some gifts to be mailed, naturally at the last minute! My list of things to get done before Friday seems to grow in direct proportion to the lessening of time to do it all in. Is this a law of physics or something more sinister and grinch-like? Or just a very unorganized Merry Me? I actually felt like I accomplished a few things yesterday. But today I shudder to think what I still need to do. Like planning Christmas dinner! Or better yet deciding on a day to have it that works well into everyone's schedule. After buying the $50.00 piece of meat my father requested on Saturday my dinner plans came to a screeching halt! Today, in between chores, I'm wondering what to do about Christmas cards. Or more accura...

"All God's angels come to us disguised." James Russell Lowell It's funny, I think, or strange or kind of weird - whichever word you want to use - when you are standing in line at the grocery store and before you know it, the person in front of you is telling you something that you know, in your knowing place, is not just random stranger speak. It's more like something you're pretty sure God wants you to hear. This happened to me the other day when I was running helter-skelter from one store to another, and trying to polish silver and bake blueberry muffins during the in-between times. Actually standing in a longish, slow-moving line was a kind of reprieve from the hustle and bustle. I actually rested for a few minutes, though I doubt my tired legs considered it much of a break. "Oh dear," said the woman if front of me half-way through emptying her cart, more to herself than to anyone else. "I've forgotten my Dad;s ice cream." Looking at...

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall." Dave Barry Sweetie and I took off this afternoon for some last minute Christmas shopping. If the truth be told, it was really the start of the shopping, not the end. Knowing that we should have had a list to check twice. We should of had a plan all mapped out so we'd know where to go and how to get there. But, in the spirit of the Magi we decided to set out to follow our own star and see where we it might lead us. It couldn't have been a more perfect afternoon. We did a few errands then headed south for St. Augustine. Left in the capable hands of my sister, and knowing Dad had the prospect of the battery holder he's building to keep him occupied, I trusted that he would be fine. I put all caregiving thoughts on hold. I relaxed into the peacefulness of j...

CREDO AT CHRISTMAS Daniel Roselle At Christmas time I believe the things that children do. I believe with English children that holly placed in windows will protect our homes from evil. I believe with Swiss children that the touch of edelweiss will charm a person with love. I believe with Italian children that La Befana is not an ugly doll but a good fairy who will gladden the heart of all. I believe with Greek children that coins concealed in freshly baked loaves of bread will bring good luck to anyone who finds them. I believe with German children that the sight of a Christmas tree will lessen hostility among adults. I believe with French children that lentils soaked and planted in a bowl will rekindle life in people who have lost hope. I believe with Dutch children that the horse Sleipner will fly through the sky and fill the earth with joy. I believe with Swedish children that Jultomte will come and deliver gifts to the poor as well as to the rich. I believe with Finnish children ...

"The whole of the holy life is good friends." The Buddha (to his cousin Ananda ) [Photo by Jack] I find it hard to believe that I haven't been at my blog since Monday. Needless to say the last two days were a whirlwind of activity. Final decorating touches, last minute runs to the grocery store, 10pm kitchen floor mopping, then the party itself. Both nights I poured my aching self into bed and fell into deep sleep punctuated only by leg cramps. I remember having parties before but don't remember being so tired. I have a feeling the weariness is a combination of physical and emotional exhaustion. Still, I had a wonderful time and think my guests did too. I'd like to be more confident, more Martha Stewart- esque , but that probably comes with having a large staff to do all the work! When it came right down to it, my timing was perfect. Everything was done when the first guest appeared; everything, except pinning on the corsage Dad sent Sweetie out to buy at the la...

“Marge, it's 3 AM. Shouldn't you be baking?" Homer Simpson I started baking this morning almost as soon as my feet hit the ground. I've rolled, cut, iced, sprinkled, until I can't see straight. I've still got Gingerbread men to frost. The thing that worries me is I only made one batch of each kind of cookie. In years past I would have had much more to show for a day's work. Obviously I'm slowing down! Oh well, as Scarlett O'Hara believes, there's always tomorrow! While the cookies are baked, they are not neatly plated. Nor is the kitchen put back into any kind of order. I still have work to do. However, if you want to see a prize-winning array of beautiful Christmas baking, hop on over to my friend Sorrow's blog and look at hers. I almost swooned when I saw it. Wishing you a cup of tea to drink with a big ol ' sugar cookie covered in multi-colored sprinkles, Merry ME

I hooked back up with the Belchers this afternoon for a couple of hours of Christmas shopping at what Jacksonvillians consider one of the biggest malls in the country. Or maybe it only seems that big because it is like walking from Jacksonville to Orlando. Regardless of the size it was totally packed with people. The line in Abercombie was out the door, which was a good thing because the music would have driven me out in a matter of minutes. Each of us had a place we wanted to go, but, as luck would have it, everyone okay a quick visit to Barnes and Noble. Robert wanted to check out some "rock and roll," Laura was looking for a CD by someone had recommended, and I was hoping to find a copy of John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album. We all went in different directions. I headed straight for the Christmas music. A young and energetic sales girl offered to help me. Thinking I would save some time, I said asked where I'd find John Denver. She looked at me and without...

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." Angela Schwindt Yesterday was dreary, damp and chilly. If we lived above the Mason-Dixon line we'd have had several inches of snow. Instead, we enjoyed the rainfall we've been needing - just not all at one time! By noon, the house was clean and sparkling with candle light. All I had to do was wait. And wait. And wait some more. Then I heard it. The sound of a car in the driveway and footsteps on the sidewalk leading up to the front door. I peeked out the mail slot and instead of seeing the two little baby brown eyes that used to look back at me I saw the long, lanky, holey jean-clad legs of the man/child I'd been waiting for. I opened the door and there he was. Be still my heart! He walked right in, gave me a big hug and there you have it. A perfect Christmas! How good it was to see his parents too. Smiling, laughing, reminiscing. What a way to spend a dreary aftern...

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. Laura Ingalls Wilder In one of my past lives - about 10 years ago - I was a nanny. I took care of a child from the time he was a month old til he was 5. If my mom hadn't needed more of my attention I would have stuck with the job probably a lot longer than he would have needed or wanted! I doubt he would have wanted his nanny tagging along with him to middle school! The family moved away and I havent seen them for a couple of years. I'm told Robert now stands taller than his mother - around 5'7"! Today, as a special holiday treat, the whole Belcher gang is coming to Florida. It is a rainy, icky day. But I'm all warm and fuzzy inside. I can't wait to get my hands on that child and wrap him in a Nanny bear hug. The kind that he'll hate and complaing about!! I have no idea how to talk to a 13 y...

"You will achieve grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day - not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished." Og Mandino Photo: In case you ever wonder about what Santa does on his day(s) off. He sits around in his spa robe and checks his list which is now computerized and much easier to cull. Today I have lists on my mind. Probably because I should have made one (or more) weeks ago to keep me on track. I have several half-finished projects, most of which lead up to a luncheon I'm having on Wednesday. Usually my writing group m...

"Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States." Diane Feinstein It feels very weird to be concentrating on a season that is supposed to be all about peace and joy and goodwill toward men when so many women and children are suffering from all kinds of abuse the world over. I don't know the numbers, or the statistics. I'm not even sure the exact definition of abuse - domestic or otherwise. But today I sat with a woman and listened as she cried out her painful story. In the three years that she's lived with a man he has beaten her down to a place that she no longer knows her own truth. At one point I interrupted her story to ask if he'd hit her. She told me no, but I kind of wonder if that is the truth. But then why would...

" Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas Ignoring for a minute the obvious starboard tilt to this tree, and the fact that the tree is not really a tree, but the top section of an artificial tree my parents that has perhaps seen one too many Christmases, does you see something amiss with this picture? I'll give you a hint. It is the three strings of lights that are on the floor no longer shining like they were when they were on the tree just 5 minutes before the picture was taken. I won't bore you with the picky little details like a new string of lights blowing, not one but 2 fuses, or the fact that the lights had been wound in and around the artificial branches not twice but three times. It was about this time that I started to blow a fuse and called my very own SuperElf to the rescue. He's the one who discovered the burned out fuses. Excuse me, but when di...

" ...you should appreciate the small joys of everyday and try to make more of them, life is for savouring the tiny-satisfying-making you happy things as well as the large occasional joys." Daisy Lupin I must be in one of my manic stages. I'm walking from room to room, picking up here, dusting there. I've actually begun washing the crystal and plan on polishing the silver. An annual event that is time consuming but I like the way everything sparkles when it's done. Of course I might have put it off til after the holidays had not a fine layer of dry wall dust settled on everything - even inside the china cabinet. ____ I had a very strange dream last night. What I remember most is that cutie Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs and Ford truck commercial fame putting tape across his mouth BEFORE kissing me. I do believe my knees buckled anyway. I'm not sure what brought us together, perhaps the thought of the aforementioned chore, but I was still laughing when I woke up with a...

"When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels" This afternoon I entertained myself with a mini-craft project. I covered some wooden snowflakes about 6 inches in diameter with glitter. It probably would have been a lot more fun had I enlisted the aid of someone around 5 years old. Then there would be glue and colored glitter all over the table and rug as well as the snowflakes. Not having a child to play with I did the job very neatly and saved lots of glitter for the next project. I must say, as I look across the room at the snowflakes dancing to the rhythm of the overhead fan (don't tell Dad!), I am beginning to feel a little more Christmasy! I live in Florida so other than on very rare occasions I do not see much snow. This has been a rainy weekend and the temperatures have dropped into the nearly frigid 60 something degree zone. In the sun it probably reached the 70 degree mark. A lot of people are shivering, wrapping their arms around their bodies ...

"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas." W. C. Jones I spent the morning cleaning the kitchen. It really wasn't on my list of things to do but the dry wall dust made it mandatory. It was kind of a pain, yet at the same time it felt good to be moving. I can't say it sparkles but I know it's clean from top to bottom. Good Job, Cinderella! After cleaning, Sweetie and I made our first of the month trek to the grocery store. So now, on top of having a clean kitchen, all the cupboards are full! This is a very good feeling indeed. A few weeks ago Sorrow posed a question that has kept me thinking. "Now that you've seen the invisible people," she asked, "what are you going to do about it?" About the only answer I can come up with is to respond with kindness when I see an opportunity. Yesterday...

"Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles." Anonymous Unlike some of the members of my family I'm not really a betting woman. But I'm pretty sure if you ask a group of women when is the best time to have the kitchen ceiling painted, 99% of them would NOT pick three weeks before Christmas. My idea of festive decorations does not include plastic drop cloths, strips of dried paint stuck on the counter tops and the smell of paint instead of cinnamon and cloves. I have made my peace with the yellow and white speckled house. My father is collecting bids to have it painted and when he decides on one it will be done to his specifications. It's his deal not mine. On the other hand as the kitchen maven who is expected to cook and clean I feel a little resentful to have to turn my "space" over to Paul the handyman and his assistant Robby. I'm not totally ungrateful that the big spot in the center of the dinette is being fixed. I guess I...

"The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads." 'Twas the Night before Christmas When was the last time you laid awake, straining to hear the sound of jingle bells and reindeer hooves on the roof? The last time I had visions of sugar plums (what exactly is a sugar plum?) dancing in my head,I think it was a nightmare about getting locked in a Christmas cookie factory where an evil elf kept speeding up the conveyor belt that passed in front of me, a la Lucy and Ethel. Maybe that's not exactly true but I can say that there have been times when my Christmas baking has taken on factory proportions and I have resembled an Evil Elf covered in sugar and flour. It's been way too many years since I was a kid trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, but I can remember the excitement, the wishes, the knowledge that the one thing I really wanted was going to be sitting under the tree the next morning. I don't think I e...

"ADVENT — the four-week period that leads up to Christmas — is a series of events designed not to delay the celebration of Christmas, but to enhance it. It’s a kind of delayed gratification that culminates in a … satisfaction that is all the richer for the waiting." Joan Chittister, Listen with the Heart Sunday was the first day of Advent which for Episcopalians, like me, is supposed to be a season of quiet expectation leading up to the glories of Christmas. It is totally opposite of the secular frenzy that started before Halloween this year. I'm never very good at Advent discipline. I've tried having my own quiet time to read and meditate. I'm sad to say this usually puts me to sleep. For 3 years I actually led an Advent group study at my church. This was waaayy out of my comfort zone but I felt like I got a lot out of it. I was able to really focus, for at least an hour once a week, on being still. Advent came right on the heels of finishing up my month of grati...