I hadn't heard anything definite about the nanny position I've been working/interview for. When I spoke to the agency and learned the family was doing other interviews, I immediately felt like I was being judged (which, of course, I was because that is, after all, what a trial period is all about right?). But not in a good way. Of if was in a good way, I didn't know how I was stacking up against someone else. I felt less than, without even knowing. I felt unworthy, even though I've had a few of my own doubts. I understand that those feelings reside deep in my gut. That they are easily triggered. But I'm always surprised at the speed in which they lay me low.
At the other end of the emotional spectrum, I also had a moment of feeling quite good about myself. Someone whose opinion I greatly appreciate told me she's enjoyed reading my "Year of Noticing" blog posts. The icky feeling in my stomach transformed into a happy feeling in my heart. Snap your fingers. It was that fast.
Perhaps because my lifelong "habit" of feeling negative thoughts about myself, the icky feeling lasts longer than the happy heart feeling. However, I noticed, that it didn't send me to bed. I looked at the situation, expressed it to Sweetie, worked it through, and began to let it go. This is progress, folks.