Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Day 65 - Feelings. Nothing more than Feelings ...

Today I noticed how fickle my emotions can be are. How easily I can doubt who I am, what my abilities are, how worthy I am.

I hadn't heard anything definite about the nanny position I've been working/interview for.  When I  spoke to the agency and learned the family was doing other interviews, I immediately felt like I was being judged (which, of course, I was because that is, after all, what a trial period is all about right?). But not in a good way. Of if was in a good way, I didn't know how I was stacking up against someone else. I felt less than, without even knowing. I felt unworthy, even though I've had a few of my own doubts.   I understand that those feelings reside deep in my gut. That they are easily triggered. But I'm always surprised at the speed in which they lay me low.

At the other end of the emotional spectrum, I also had a moment of feeling quite good about myself. Someone whose opinion I greatly appreciate told me she's enjoyed reading my "Year of Noticing" blog posts. The icky feeling in my stomach transformed into a happy feeling in my heart.  Snap your fingers. It was that fast.

Perhaps because my lifelong "habit" of feeling negative thoughts about myself, the icky feeling lasts longer than the happy heart feeling. However, I noticed, that it didn't send me to bed. I looked at the situation, expressed it to Sweetie, worked it through, and began to let it go. This is progress, folks.

Merry ME


Constance said...

It is definitely progress, and a wonderful building block! Yeaaay, Merry - good job:)!

And if the family isn't smart enough to know what a loving and capable nanny you would be, you wouldn't want to work for them.
You deserve to be appreciated from Day 1.

AkasaWolfSong said...

I totally affirm what Mary Rafferty wrote above!!!

Having said that...should this family choose someone else does not mean you are incapable in the least...what it means is that someone else is more compatible to their needs. Sort of like us picking and choosing who we love to hang out is a matter of energy resonation. :) So don't listen to those ego lies that tell you you aren't good enough or smart enough or anything else enough...we all know what EGO is...Edging God Out!

Personally, I'd choose you over anyone else Sister Love!!! Truly!!!