Embrace The Suck

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. William Arthur Ward I was just over at the NaBloPoMo site and the few lines I read indicate that a lot of every day posters have already finished the assignment. Being the kind that swings from over-achieving (finish early) to under-achieving (typing right up to the last minute) for once I seem to be stuck right in the middle! Today I'm grateful for a few things. First of all, for my son, KeyWest Johnny. Today is his 36th birthday. I wish he was here so I could give him a big hug and make his favorite dinner. It's been too long since I've seen him up close and personal. I can remember vividly (which in itself is a reason for gratitude) the night I sat in a big 12-step circle with other people who were all there for the same reason - relief, understanding and hope. A man I didn't know told this horrendous story of his child's behavior that ended up with a shouting match and police s...

"Touch the earth, love the earth, honor the earth. her plains, her valleys, her seas. Rest your soul in her solitary places." Henry Beston I'm grateful today that this month is almost over. However, blogging every day has been more joy than burden. Sometimes (often?) I am just rebellious enough to want to break the rules and do my own thing. Having a theme has been easier for me than I expected. I can't say that my entire outlook on life has changed because of gratitude but it has improved, if only for the time I'm writing. Part of the trick of gratitude is awareness. Another important aspect is also holding that awareness in your consciousness long enough for it to make a difference. We say grace every night before dinner. We've been doing it for as long as I can remember. Some nights it's heartfelt to look at all the blessings before me and give thanks. Some nights I sassy enough to just say "Grace" and dig in. During this month of gratitude, ...

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie I'm grateful today for an email I got from a blog friend. It's a little strange to be thankful for something that makes your stomach tighten and tears run down your face. Yet, even as I reacted in fear, I knew what she was doing was opening a door to my heart. By honestly sharing her own story she showed me a way to change the way I see some things in my life. I'm grateful to Sweetie for knowing without words that something big was happening. He listened and comforted. He made some suggestions and encouraged me to look fear in the face and make some changes. I'm grateful...

"Everyday, think as you wake up: Today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself to expand my heart out to others for the benefit of all beings." His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama This has been a very quiet day that I've used for re-writing a story I first penned right after my mother passed away. Today, I'm grateful for the gift of story-telling and hope to get better and better. It would be nice, too, if I could get faster! Like most things, when I get caught up something, everything else gets put on the back burner. I look around the room where I've been sitting and it's clear the only way it's going to get picked up is for me to put this computer in a closet, lock it up, and give the key to Sweetie til it can pass inspection. Of course I will do nothing that drastic, but I could at least clear off the couch so that there is room for someone ...

Photo: Father/Brother George, Russ, my sister, Judy "Forever on Thanksgiving Day the heart will find the pathway home." Wilbur D. Nesbit As Thanksgivings go, this one was different. Not bad different, but a little off. Probably because I had nothing to do. I baked pies yesterday and that was my contribution. Over at my sister's house they were busy all day. Like most Thanksgivings since the Pilgrims sat around the open campfire, there was a bounty of food to be grateful for. And like most Thanksgiving everyone over-indulged. But oh, it was all so very good. Since I wasn't cooking I gave myself holiday hours at home. I got up long enough to feed my father his breakfast then mosied on back to bed. I felt a little guilty, but couldn't find the energy to do much about it. After noon, I pulled myself up and attacked the pile of ironing I'd put off for too long. Sweetie and I watched another Sandra Bullock movie and had a few good laughs before it went all haywi...

"Sully and I both believe that gratitude is a two-way street and we do our best to give back the outpouring of support and gratitude we have been so fortunate to receive. Lorrie Sullenberter (wife of US Air Flt. #1549 pilot, Sully Sullenberger)* Today I'm grateful for rain. It's been dreary and overcast for two days. Today if finally rained. Not a gully-washer but enough to have to use the windshield wipers. I'm also grateful for canned pumpkin, an apple-peeling Sweetie, and an oven that I don't have to tend by throwing logs on the fire. Looking at the mess I made after making 3 pies and 4 loaves of pumpkin bread, I think I am also pretty thankful for an automated dishwasher. I'm not a clean as you go kind of cook. When I've finished a big baking project the kitchen pretty much looks like a flour bomb exploded in the middle of the room. I'm grateful I am not cooking Thanksgiving dinner. That job is going to my sister this year. All I have to do is show ...

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." Thornton Wilder Dad is a creature of habit. As soon as he is finished with his nightly ablutions, he hops into bed and turns on the TV. He turns into channel 3 and leaves it there waiting for the news whether he is awake or asleep. Sometime during this hour I tuck him in, put drops in eyes, and make sure he has water and pills for the night. All that done, I've started holding his hand for a few minutes and watch some TV with him. The CBS nightly line-up changed recently. Now instead of listening to Dr. Phil rail at people, and, in my opinion, exploit them for his own gain, we watch Oprah. I have mixed feelings about Oprah. But I like her 100% more than Dr. Phil. Last week her guest was Tim Gunn, fashion guru although I'm not sure why. The show was all about making over men who, in the opinion of their loved ones, needed help with wardrobe and de-hairing. Gunn lamented, ...

"Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude." Denis Waitley Most of my readers will remember that Christmas before last I came across a small book that made me laugh out loud. Before the shopping season was over I'd bought around 30 Pig of Happiness books and given them to everyone I know plus a few I don't. The pictures crack me up; mostly the simple story goes right to the heart of peace and joy. It doesn't have to be the holiday season to heed this message, but it is a good time for the reminder. So imagine my surprise and excitement to find the PoH author, Edward Monkton, now has a web site. Checking it out this afternoon made my heart open up like a tulip on a sunny spring day. It made me laugh all over again. So it's no surprise that finding this fun little site is on the top of today's gratitude list. See the post below, and be prepared to smile. On a much different note, I am also grateful to ...

"Evermore thanks." Shakespeare Today my gratitude is centered on the fact that I did NOT lose my debit card. I don't know how ladies carry tiny little handbags and still know where everything is inside it. Perhaps the point of having a small purse is so you don't have to carry everything except the kitchen sink with you from place to place. I seem to need the comfort of a crammed full purse. I've tried purses that are made with all kinds of pockets and slots for organizing purposes. My problem is not being organized in the first place, it is staying that way. Back in March I spent my dad's birthday money on a Vera Bradley bag, with a matching wallet and credit card case. I have pockets around the edge for pens, and keys, and phone, and notebooks. The wallets are neatly arranged and I've learned what goes in each one. The problem occurs when, after using a card, I fail to put it back in its appointed slot. I often just slip it into one of the pockets along ...

"Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life." Christiane Northrup Tickets - $13.25 Drinks & Popcorn - $18.50 Spending time with my Sweetie enjoying a great movie - Priceless Today I'm grateful for Netflix and On Demand. I'd forgotten how expensive it can be to go to a movie. It's been a long time since we've been to an actual theater to see a movie. It's been a long time since we've seen a movie as soon as it hits the streets, not months later when the DVD is available. Usually Sweetie and I spend our time away from the house at Walmart or Publix, killing several birds with one stone, i.e. running errands, re-stocking the larder, getting the car washed, going to the library and spending time together pushing a shopping cart. Because I really wanted to see The Blind Side - the new Sandra Bullock movie - we threw caution to the wind and...

I receive a day newsletter from a couple of BeliefNet web sites. Like me they are in a gratitude mode. Earlier this week they published the mother lode of gratitude quotes. Today they offered a gratitude quiz. Figuring I have improved my gratititudeness by so diligently journaling every day, I took the test. On a scale of " ungrateful to highly grateful " I scored "right smack in the middle - thankfully average with room for improvement." Apparently I'm in "the top third, going through life blessing everyone and everything." I'm wondering if I'm passing so many blessingsaround what more do I have to do to reach the top? Here's a link to the quiz in case you're interested: http://www.beliefnet.com/Holistic-Living/Quiz/Are-You-Grateful.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=10&ppc=&utm_campaign=Inspiration&utm_source=NL&utm_medium=newsletter Merry ME

Another quick thank you goes out to Miss Molly of Molly Blogs. (See comment below). I'm grateful for the hearty chuckle she gave me. Here I am fussing and fuming about our now clean but spotted house. It's spotted because several layers of paint have been removed, along with the dirt, grime and mildew. A certain someone in the house, who will remain nameless but who is quick to point out it is "HIS" house and "HIS" checkbook that pays the bills, only wants to re-paint the front of the house. Because, and I quote "the paint is only for aesthetics - not structural purposes. No one sees the back besides us, so why paint it?" One reason I've stayed inside sleeping is because I can't bear to go out and see this yellow and white eyesore. However, after reading Molly's comment about the pink house with the purple door, I'm thinking maybe polka dots aren't so bad. We can start on the back of the house where no one will see it! How fun! ...

To know when you have enough is to be rich beyond measure. Lao Tsu The grizzly bear awakes, feeling a tad less sleepy but still rather grumpy. I'm not sure what's going on. Usually a nap, or two, or three, can revitalize my good humor. Truth be told I'm most likely just feeling sorry for myself, tired of trying to change what obviously cannot be changed. Whine. Whine. Whine. It was better, I'm sure that I secluded myself. Yesterday in the periods of wakefulness between snoozes, I lay in bed counting my blessings. It helped I think. I'm thankful for, I said to no one but me: the house I'm in (the one which is currently being pressure washed and turning yellow/white polka dotted) the bedroom in the house I'm in the bed in the bedroom in the house I'm in the sheets on the bed in the bedroom in the house I'm in the pillow on the bed I'm in the bedroom in the house I'm in the quilt over the sheets on the bed in the bedroom in the house I'm in ...

Today I'm grateful for sleep. Somedays it's just better if a grizzly bear pulls the covers up over her head and succombs to the blessed relief of sleep. Merry ME

"When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world I thank God I am alive." Ralph Waldo Emerson Sometimes when I first open my eyes upon another day, I say, "Oh God, not again!" When I first opened my eyes upon today's morning I was being summoned across the hall by my dad. "I need to take a bath." Judging by the smell of poo in the room and one look at the bedside commode, I'd say he was right about the bath. His leg has been acting up so what I wasn't sure about was whether or not I was going to have to climb into the shower with him, like I do the dog. Right off the bat I knew I was grateful for two things .... Clorox and room deodorizer. Later I said a prayer of thanks that Dad was indeed able to shower unaided. The day may be close when that isn't the case. It isn't here yet. This morning, however, there was a bit of discussion about how to help him pull on his pants. "Here, let me help....

"Joy is the simplest form of gratitude." Karl Barth Today was a first for me. Well not actually a first, but the first in a long time. I had some women over for a planning meeting for the Guild of the Christ Child and lunch. I'm not a really fancy- schmancy entertainer but I can set a pretty table. I served two kinds of quiche, and a pretty green salad. Actually one of the guests made the salad, all I had to do was throw it in a bowl and toss the dressing on it. I found the whole process to be quite enjoyable. There is something to be said for sitting around a table eating and gabbing. I enjoyed the company but after the ladies left I wondered something about myself. Am I anti-social? I don't see how that word would really apply, because the very act of having a luncheon is contrary to the notion isn't it? I mean if you go to the trouble to invite people to share a meal with you, then you can't really be anti-social can you? So what is it when in the...

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust Today I'm grateful for little things. I had a fun conversation with Weneki until my cell phone decided to die on me. Even though I really feel like throwing the damn thing in the swimming pool and watching it float to the bottom, in the spirit of gratitude I'm glad to have been able to talk to her as long as I did. She had a few delightful stories to tell me, one of which made me laugh right out loud. And made me remember when she was eight years old. Those were the days my friend ..... Smiling, in my book, is one of the ways my heart says thank you. Here's a list, in no special order, of some of the things that made me smile today: duck holding movie watching birding nose honking & pacifier stealing 1st rate hotels with remote control curtains buying all the equipment to make T-shirts then changing your mind house cleaning (not the act of ...

"The thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessing." Henry Ward Beecher Today I'm grateful for people who know how to listen. Those special ones who stop what they are doing when they sense you've got something you need to get off my chest. Listeners don't just hear what you are saying, they take it in. They are quiet, yet focused. They acknowledge what you've said but saying it back to you to make sure they heard right. They encourage you to speak from your heart by saying something along the lines of, "you look like you need to talk" or "I'm here if you need me." They wait patiently until you are through with your rant without interrupting with their own thoughts. When they sense you are finished they check with you by saying, "this is what I heard, is that right?" or "is there more?" Driving down the road today for a little retail therapy I thought about how important it is to me to not only sp...

"I thank God for my handicaps for, through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God." Helen Keller There I was after dinner last night discussing have a Christmas party next month. I asked Dad questions about things mom used to have at her annual party; the more we talked the more he remembered. We were just getting to the like guest list when the phone rang. I talked for a few minutes, hung up, sat back down ready to pick up where we left off, when POW, like a cartoon balloon out of nowhere, everything about the evening changed. I should have seen it coming. Dad had mentioned his lack of sleep the night before. I'd seen him scrunched over his desk figuring and refiguring. He looks like a cross between a Dickensian Scrooge and Scrooge McDuck of Disney fame instead of my dad. When says something along the lines of, "is this a good time to talk?" the acid in my stomach floods my gut and fills my esophagus. My heart beats to a fight or flight rhythm. My feet...

"Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot." The Hausa of Nigeria In typical morning fashion I asked Dad how his night went. I try to get out of him how he is feeling but he's let me know on more than one occasion that he doesn't expect to ever feel good again so there's no point in asking him because it just reminds him he feels lousy. It's rather convoluted but I'm learning not to say, "Good morning, Dad, how are you?" Instead I say stuff like, "how did you sleep?" [ I don't know, I was asleep.] or "how was your night?" This morning his answer was " Lousy." Like fingernails on a black board this kind of response is enough to set a daughter's teeth on edge. Like a fool, I bit. I took the conversation to the next level instead of asking what he wanted for breakfast. [I don't know. What is there? As if the menu ever changes.] Why was it so lousy? I didn't sleep a wink. Did you take a sleepi...

“If we perceived Life with reverence, and understood our evolutionary process, we would stand in awe at the experience of physical life and walk the Earth in a very deep sense of Gratitude.” Gary Zukov I'm not a student of the Bible. No big surprise there! However, my sister and my brother-in-law can quote chapter and verse on just about any subject. Whether I agree or not isn't really the point I'm trying to make. I just think their knowledge of things biblical is pretty amazing. Some people take the Bible literally; every word and idea is straight from God. Some people give the scholars and transcribers more leeway. And then there are some skeptics like me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is a beautiful book, filled with wonderful stories and great principals to live by. I don't know a lot about ancient history, but I'm pretty sure that the book we have today was inspired, yes, but also put together by patriarchs of old who kept or tossed stories depending ...

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. " John Fitzgerald Kennedy Veteran's Day. A day to stop and remember those men and women who have given their time, their energy, their very lives for this country. For you and for me. Since the 1770's, on battlefields close to home and in lands far far away with names too hard to pronounce, they made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of freedom. I have never been to a parade in Jacksonville, so I decided this would be the year that I would go downtown and see the southern salute to Veterans. I've been talking it up for a week, but the dark clouds and the idea of being too far from a bathroom helped convince my my menfolk to watch the festivities on the evening news. Undeterred, I headed to town without any idea what to expect. I kind of knew where to go, but wasn't sure which streets would be closed or where to park. I ended up park...

"If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape." Unknown After writing yesterday about the Berlin Wall, the idea of personal walls has stayed with me. I think there was a time in my life when I barricaded myself behind walls of insecurity and fear. Perhaps even depression was a wall that kept me from truly living; kept ME protected from boogie men - real or perceived. Today, I think my walls are more like sliding doors, not so rigid as a brick wall, but something I can still hide behind. Or like a turtle. I can stick my head out, check my surroundings and if I don't like what I see, I can pull myself right back inside. ___ I was still dreaming when I heard Dad call my name ... Mary! It didn't have the usual degree of urgency that most early morning calls have so I kept dozing. Then I heard it again and knew it was time to jump up and start moving. Today was bath day so all he really needed was for me to stand by at the ready outsid...

"I like the construction of sentences and the juxtaposition of words- not just how they sound or what they mean, but even what they look like. Don D eLillo When not spending time on shed construction my Sweetie has been hold up in his office creating blogs. I've just visited two of them and he told me he has a three in the works. I don't know how he's going to keep up with them all, but I know that each of them will be interesting and thought-provoking. I encourage you to check them out. And be sure to leave him a comment or two. Welcome back, Sweetie! http://www.awriterscabininthewoods.blogspot.com/ http://www.creatorspiritsdancing.blogspot.com/ Merry ME

I don't think it's enough to just say "God Bless America." We must say "God Bless the World." Marianne Williamson I grew up hearing about the Berlin Wall. But since it wasn't exactly in my back yard, I didn't pay much attention to it. It seems like every history class I took in school ran out of time towards the end of the year so I didn't study too much post WWII history. I'm embarrassed to say I don't really know why it went up or why it went down. I do know that Germany and the world are better for it. The rock in the photo above is my piece of the rock. A friend, who is much more politically motivated than I, made a pilgrimage to Berlin and I was lucky enough to get one of the souvenirs. Today I'm grateful for the people who work(ed) together to make changes in this troubled world. Perhaps one day there will be no need for walls to separate people and ideologies. My wish for you on this historic anniversary is that you will...

Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties." Sara Ban Breathnach Shed Making - Part 4 Today I am especially grateful for the completion of the shed from hell. Sweetie hurt his back last go round so were at a bit of a stand still. This afternoon the weather was perfect, not too hot with a nice breeze. In other parts of the country autumn is all about falling leaves. In Jacksonville a nice breeze means falling acorns. So as Sweetie stood, drill in hand on a ladder he also had to dodge acorns, some of which were like teeny tiny missiles. With both of us feeling good we picked up where we left off and didn't have too much trouble. Screw, washer, drill. Screw, washer, drill. Nut, washer, bolt, drill. Well, you get the picture. At the back of the shed we discovered that the whole thing is slightly out of square, which of course means that...

"Earth's crammed into heaven and every common bush afire with God." Elizabeth Barrett Browning Aurora Leigh Today I'm grateful for reminder of something very important to me from a past life. Well, not actually a past life, as in re-incarnation. But in the life I lived before I moved back to my Florida home back in 1995. One of the things that helped save my life and return to me some sort of sanity was being involved in a 12-Step group. I participated in CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) and Alanon before settling into a group for family and friends of drug addicts - Naranon. Before those meetings I had turned my back on any form of religion and had no relationship to speak of with any kind of higher power. Actually I did have a twisted, angry relationship with an old fashioned God who sat on a throne in heaven and meted out punishment to all sinners. Since I was pretty sure I was a mighty sinner, I stayed away from this almighty finger pointer unless it was to ra...